Churning
Why didn't she tell me. The feeling gnawed at the pit of my stomach. This woman called me about her ovarian cyst, her half drunk mother-in-law on the tubing outing, but now when the most devastating news came, it wasn't from her. Why did my grand daughter have to divert her eyes and slump into the leather chair. Her words stung me like a hornet, but buzzing at the back of my head was the thought that this had happened before. What did that mean about me? Should I have acted in some other way in the past. Was being supportive of her mother undermining my beautiful girls safety.
I unleashed the hounds. There was no way of knowing if this was the best decision, but like her father, I was not going to risk any more harm coming to our precious darling. Filing forms and making phone calls at least became a distraction. It was waking up and wishing I had a crystal ball that haunted me.
I might be tired of living. The luxury of my age has not afforded me a quietness.
"This is gonna get ugly. Don't be weak." He blared.
Weak or not, any step I take might be wrong. Any forward motion seems like pudding around my ankles. The advice is hard and my nature seeks joy, even in misery. A yogurt, fuzzy socks and the remote will have to suffice. The day is set, but the future is daunting.
Hi @medusaeffect,
I read your freewrite 2 times and understood each word separately, but the references cited in your internal monologue evaded me.
What happened to your granddaughter? What did it have to do with the woman who called you about her ovarian cyst, and her half-drunk mother-in-law? What did it have to do with you?
I've got the feeling that your daughter-in-law had an abortion. If I am right - that sucks.
It was hard for me to put it into words. I was trying to tell myself something without admitting how horrible it was to find out that, for a second time, my granddaughter was molested at her mother's house. I wondered if I might have done more to protect her since, the first time I told her father not to try to remove her from her mother's care since it wasn't her fault. I always try to feel guilty for everything, but this time I'm really there. You seem to have grasped the emotion of the situation even though I didn't express it properly.
Sorry to hear this. I also have two granddaughters and would hate if something happens to them. At the same time, I don't see a point in blaming yourself.
First, it was not your fault.
Second, by blaming yourself you are not helping your granddaughter.
I obviously don't know all the details and it isn't my business. But if I were in your shoes I would try to do what I can to help your granddaughter if it is at all possible in your situation.
If there was abuse I'd contact the police, but make sure you have proof. Just stating that your granddaughter deviated her glance from your scrutiny isn't enough.
STOP BLAMING YOURSELF! You need to have a clear mind so you can DO something!
I normally wouldn't sort things out in this venue, but the day was long. I am encouraged greatly by your generous comments. I am not one to wallow. I will be vigilant. Thank you.
Wish you all the luck in the world!
Thank you so much.
Though it’s slightly difficult to work out the exact sequence of events here, your piece is so full of emotion it was likely difficult to write.
It’s the Wednesday prompt delivery team here with the moist challenge for today:
https://steemit.com/freewrite/@mariannewest/day-733-5-minute-freewrite-wednesday-prompt-damp-conditions
There is no excuse for writing poorly, but it was definitely cathartic.
I wouldn't say poor writing at all. I did read it several times, so it was interesting enough for me to try to work out what was happening, and you certainly managed to convey the depth of your emotion which can be very difficult to do.
You have an amazing voice!
Tag #freewrite and #freewritehouse and #oc for more readers. I'm happy you are writing with us. Oh! and it would be good if you could also explain that this is an entry to the contest by saying so and providing a link to the contest.
Thank you for your guidance. Mostly, I appreciate your thoughtful consideration.