#freewrite - Skinny

note: I don't take selfies in general and I've never taken a 'sexy selfie' , or body selfies etc, and holy shit its hard. You can see my hand is in it but it is not adding to the attractiveness of the photo. So, even though I think sexy texting is silly I have to give props for the effort people put into it

I've always been *skinny *
That Word.
Cruel word.
Embarrassment
Gym class, shorts
Chicken legs.
The girls in YM all have thick legs and boobs.
I am still a child.

My reflection in Vogue - * skinny * like me.
What an envious word.
Lovely aliens
Achingly gorgeous.
The reception is hot and cold.
I'm not a child
I'm a trophy
or a
Nemesis.

"You need to be more * skinny * like them".
I see behind the curtain
It is alien
Unhealthy
That Word.
Bottomless, scary.
I am a woman, I know how to leave.

At least I'm still * skinny *
That Word.
A mask for depression.
A trick
"You look well".
I am not well.
I am a body
A vehicle
A child tired of gym class.
A trophy and nemesis.

I'm just not hungry anymore.

second note: after writing this - which even had me thinking "damn that's depressing"- I feel better than I have in a week or two. So it's true that #freewritessavedmylife ;)