5 Minute Freewrite - Trolley
Everyday the same thing. Get a coffee from Millers Deli - Go next door to "Corner News". Get smokes and a paper. Walk a block to the trolley line. Enjoy a smoke'n some of my coffee on the way.
The cute blond who always wears too much perfume was already there. This time she smiled at me. It felt great. At 8:07 sharp the trolley stopped in front of us. I let the blonde go in ahead of me. Wanted to get a good view of her ass as she made her way up the steps. She must work out. Think she caught me staring. I'm not a creep. Don't you fucking judge me. Blondie sat next to Rob the construction worker. Guy smelled like sawdust and beer. A mans man.
Got a seat near the driver. One where your back is against the window. I squeezed in-between the wall separating the stairs and an Indian woman wearing a burka. The ride lasts 18 minutes. Which is just enough time to check out the sports section & obituaries. That last bit might seem weird but I've done it since i was a kid. Don't know why.
I'm just about finished with them. My stop is about 3 minutes away. I get to the last one. It's this old guy with a thick beard and beady eyes"Jim Sanders" - 60Father of 4 - Brother - husband - Grandfather of 10 - Natural causes.
I tucked the paper under my arm and stood - Nearly bumping heads with the man across from me. We locked eyes for half a second before he turned and quickly exited the trolley. I looked down at the seat where he was sitting just as the trolly picked up again. A wallet lay on the seat. The driver wasn't happy about it - but stopped and let me off. We had only made it 100 yards. But he was no where in sight.
I opened the wallet to see if there was a drivers license. With the intention of delivering it to the man or at least mail it back to him. Inside there was a library card for a Mr. Franklin Turner a grocery store rewards card. A debit card. Two elite level credit cards and and finally a drivers license. Same name as the library card. When I looked at the photo a chill shot through my entire body.
A heavy man. Round head. Thick beard and glasses. Behind the glasses were a pair of beady eyes. I dropped my briefcase and flung open the paper to the obituary section. I held the ID up next to the photo of Jim Sanders Those eyes........
Total words: 452
Average Wpm: 90
Here's the original post about the prompt
An Introduction To My New Series - WRITER TALK & #CurateQuality
✍️ WRITER TALK - Issue #1 - "The 1/2 Draft" - Better Late Than Never
"If You Must Lie, Be Brief" - STACH Short Story Contest #27 - Entry
One Of The Most Rewarding Experiences Of My Entire Life!!
Sushi Lunch With My Mom
Contest - Enjoying Dog Days - Celebrating 300 Followers
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This was... insane... for 5 minutes.
I mean, I've had some strange ideas in those five minutes of writing, but... this structured? I don't quite think so.
Very well done, the idea is awesome and the execution is amazing! You clearly have some experience behind you. :P
I appreciate you checking it out. lol I surprised my self with this one. The writing of the story/ formatting of that section was indeed 5 min - Had no idea where it was going while writing it. The freewriting bit is what exists within the page breaks. I followed the rules for that part. Scouts honour. For transparencies sake - I had the stuff above and below the page breaks already plugged in. Freewriting is something i've done outside of Steemit for years. I have written a number of flash fiction pieces in 5 minutes or less that I will be posting here sooner or later.
Not gonna lie the fact that your skeptical makes me feel all warm and fuzzy lol.
In regards to the structured nature of the post - I worked for years as the manager of a rather large blogging site / blogged myself - Using wordpress/ markdown - I've since developed quite a knack for fiction writing / editorial writing mixed with markdown code / formatting. I wasn't kidding about using stuff like 10fastfingers - Makes one hell of a difference - Do it everyday for a month - watch how much faster you get / your accuracy improves.
Genuinely appreciate the feedback and interaction. All the best.
But then again - I now see you commented on WRITER TALK #1 - I could just be a good magician.......... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !!!!!
You mean.. a good bad magician, right? :P
You did! Cheater! I demand @mariannewest punishes you accordingly! Maybe tosses an extra freewrite for you to take on! :P
All of that experience really shows. No joke. It's the little subtleties that just allow for the post to seemlessly connect into one complete whole.
I think I'll actually give it a shot (the 10fastfingers). I do type rather fast as is, but to be completely honest sometimes my hands can't keep up with my brain and I lose an idea or two. Also why I don't write using pen and paper. With my bad memory and brain in overdrive it's too easy to start writing the next sentence still in the middle of the previous one. Happens a lot (more than I'd care to admit).
Likewise! And to you! :D
Hell man, that was great! I think I should give free writing a go!
Thanks dude! Do it man! - Tag me in it if you do / Use curatequality
Quite a story - I liked the ending!
Thanks Marie - glad you liked the ending -think I'm going to continue it.
Nicely written and easy to read.
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Hey, that was great! I could visualize everything clearly. The smokes, the coffee, the cute blonde's ass, lol!
So very cool - what a trolley ride. So much to see and smell in this piece. I read your convo with svashta and your experience shows. I do have to give the 10 fast fingers a try....
Arghh. I just did a one minute test!! I am slower than a turtle!!!
I think I am going to practice this every day and see where it takes me :)
Thank you so much for sharing this app. Is it okay if I put it in the resource section of the prompt?
Wow! That was really great...I did not see such a shocking ending coming!
Great piece of writing dude, congrats! Took us all on a quick but interesting and compelling (trolley) ride. Ya got some nice chops on ya! Looking forward to reading more.
PS Thanks for the 10fstfingers tip! I will definitely be taking much-needed advantage of that.