Freedom! - Leaving the LDS Church (Part 03)

For the first few months after I returned I was very active in the church. I was involved as much as I could be, but quickly realized that I was still that kid who didn’t quite fit in. I would constantly catch people looking over and whispering. After a while word got back to me of the vast amounts of rumors floating around as to why I had returned home early from my mission. None of them were true and I’m not going to even dignify them by listing them here.

So with time on my hands and a strong curiosity still lingering, I dove into researching and finding answers to the questions that were never answered. I read the Bible cover to cover and the Book of Mormon. I went through as much text as I could and more questions were created than answered.

As the years passed I grew more and more distant from the church. I began to notice things that made me uncomfortable. Men in leadership positions would make misogynistic jokes about the young women across the hall. Somebody would offer assistance to a member in need and not follow through. Or ignore non-members and inactive members completely. Ignorant members would shoot down anything I would bring up that was contradictory to their beliefs. After I had enough of this, I stopped attending. I couldn’t understand why God had placed these people into leadership positions.

Even though I stopped attending church, I was still in communication with God through prayer. I had several spiritual experiences, including one downtown that I will never forget or be able to explain, but it sealed in my mind that there is a higher power and it listens to us. I’m sure most people would have been satisfied with this experience and returned to church. I attended every now and then, but it wasn’t the same. I’ve never really felt welcome or at home in the church of even Utah for that matter. I’ve always felt like an outsider.

I continued my research and was still coming up empty on a lot of issues. Noah’s flood has absolutely no evidence of its occurrence. Women aren’t created from men’s ribs. In fact, it’s the opposite; in the womb, we all start out as a woman until a Y chromosome replaces the X chromosome. And humans definitely weren’t created from dust. We have more in common with the ocean than we do with the dirt.

Very quickly I realized the Bible was a work of fiction full of great parables, teachings and stories. Like all fables, it usually evolves out of truth, but is quickly expanded and changed to make a point. Even the Book of Mormon suffers from this dilemma.

If a church leader, or even God, came out and said “yes, the Bible (or Book of Mormon) is a construct of lessons, parables and teachings and is not to be taken literally…” I would have more respect for the institutions. I wouldn’t (re)join any, but it would be a great step forward.

I don’t look down on religious people or even desire them to leave their religion. I do, however, get irritated at ignorance and it is one of the biggest issues I have with religious people; with any person actually, religious or non. If you’re ignorant then it’s by choice and it drives me insane. Let me be clear, there is a difference between ignorant and uneducated.

If God turns out to be a real being (which I’m completely open to and hope is true) and I’m lucky enough to have an opportunity to sit down and have a nice long discussion as to why he’s done what he’s done… or She, I think it would be awesome if God turned out to be a woman. If I get that opportunity, then it’ll be a great moment and either way, I will take full responsibility for my actions and not just ride on the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Anyway, the reason I left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints wasn’t any one big reason or person. It was a cumulative effort. In May of 2014, shortly after the church leaders excommunicated Kate Kelly, I wrote my resignation letter and decided to give it one full year, just to see if anything changed in my findings or even in my feelings. On March 29 2015, I mailed in my letter and on June 2, my name had officially been removed from the church records and I was no longer a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

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The church, of course, did not follow my wishes of requesting zero contact from any member of the church, especially with the intent to change my decision. I met with the newly appointed Bishop of my ward out of respect; since I knew him personally and understood that he was just fulfilling his calling.

We had an interesting discussion and he asked that I pray and read some verses in the Book of Mormon, which I did. It didn’t change my mind and when I made him aware that I still wished to continue with my decision, his nice demeanor changed. He went straight into, what he called disappointment, but came off as more frustration and he asked me if I remembered “when God cursed the Lamanites with dark skin” for rebelling.

I gave him a confused look, which he thought meant that I hadn’t and he was kind of arrogant about it too. I quickly replied with a “no, I do remember, but I don’t see how it’s relative to the situation.” He explained that sinners or those who rebelled against god were cursed with a tan. Another question that was never answered was why God was a racist and then changed his mind right around the time of the Civil Rights Movement was going on.

We debated this for a time and he even tried to make it sound like the heroic LDS church was a front runner for equal rights, when you and I all know that wasn’t the case. If God loved his children equally, why would he allow that to happen in the first place? It seemed like a predominantly white religion was implying that whites are superior to humans of a different color, which I absolutely disagree with.

We even discussed gay marriage, where he said for certain that “God will never allow two members of the same sex to be married in the temple” even though the exact same thing was said about blacks being members or getting the priesthood. And even though in the Bible (Corinthians 10:9) it states, in regards to homosexuals “But if they cannot contain (abide) let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn (with lust).” The Bible itself supports gay marriage, so I don’t understand what that whole kerfuffle was about. Actually I do, but whatever, luckily that matter is behind us. Well… hopefully.

We shook hands and went our separate ways and I’ve never been back. At first I felt like something was missing from my life and then realized that it was a sense of freedom. Like when you’ve been paying off a credit card for several years and then it’s finally down to zero.

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During my mission, there were several prospects who had asked, straight up, why they should join the church. My companion would give the textbook answer of the gospel being the only true gospel and Joseph Smith being the prophet of the latter days, etc etc.

I told them they didn’t have to. “You shouldn’t do something out of obligation. You should join, only if you feel like it’s the right thing to do, for you and your family. Do what you feel is right.” I got in trouble several times for telling people that. Which I didn’t care, I was being honest and truthful instead of manipulative and so I followed my own advice. I did what was right for me.

So in conclusion, the answer to my question that started me on this journey is, I have no clue why God does what he does. I only hope he’s willing to explain himself when I ask, because you can bet every kingdom in heaven I’m going to be asking him a lot of questions. Unless I’m allowed to sit in during his discussion with Richard Dawkins, because I’m sure we’ll have a lot of similar questions.

In case you’re wondering what I still believe in, I believe the Book of Mormon musical is hilarious and everyone should see it!

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In all seriousness, I believe that Science, God and Religion are three separate things and should be treated as such. Just like books you have non-fiction, fiction and religious texts.

I wish you all the very best and I thank you for taking the time to read this, longer than probably necessary, story about my journey and what lead me to make this decision. It took me a very long time to condense 20+ years of my journey into 3 parts. Sadly I had to leave out a lot of details, but I hope it all made sense. Thank you again and happy travels.

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“The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage.” – Carrie Jones