Hi, I'm John Everyman Here to Tell the Story of My Life! God Bless America! (sarcastic fiction)

It all started in small town, USA where I was born into an average family and went to a typical school. I was taught everything our government's Department of Education deemed valuable. This included up to date information that isn't seen in the US Constitution and Bill of Rights.

I learned that the Freedom of Assembly in the Constitution is inaccurate according to Government in America (Pearson Education, 9-12). It taught us that an important role of government "should" be to "preserve order" and that "when people protest in large numbers, government may resort to extreme measures to restore order.”

Additionally I learned that while the Constitution promotes a small government with limited scope, Magruder’s American Government and Civics (Pearson Education, 9-12) taught us that:

“Government is made up of ... all those who have authority and control over people. The public policies of a government are, in short, all of those things a government decides to do.... Indeed the list of public policy issues handled by government is nearly endless.”

It was great to learn our new roles as citizens in society and the unlimited power government has. Now I was beginning to understand that it was dangerous to speak my mind in public due to the force the government can use against me to "restore order." While my father had told me it was my duty as an American to help keep the government in check, I now knew this wasn't true and that I needed to obey their "authority and control" over me through their "nearly endless" public policies.

After high school, I went to one of our state's Universities to pursue a college degree. One thing everyone told me since I was young was that I had to have a degree to be able to get any job these days. I had heard about how up to 50% of college graduates end up back with their parents but I figured this was just some liberal hogwash.

Four years later, I graduated with a degree in English and decided to become a teacher and begin working to pay off my 50k student loan debt. Unfortunately I got into a car accident and had to take some months to recover from my injuries. My debt became unmanageable and I inevitably had to file for bankruptcy.

It was then I learned that while some debts are erased from declaring bankruptcy, this doesn't always include student loan debt. When I finally found a teaching job, I discovered that I had to work 10 years before being eligible to start building a pension. Additionally, our state has chosen not to give teachers the benefit of Social Security. I desperately needed a job, so I decided to go for it anyways and try to make the best of it.

A few years later, our state decided to lower their education funding to reduce their spending. That unfortunately meant that I, along with other new teachers were let go with nothing being contributed to retirement over those years. Being 35 now, I was beginning to worry about my future and my ability to retire when I want. So I made a choice to move away from my teaching career to start my own organic milk farm.

From researching raw milk, I found that it can be very good for you and that there wasn't many farms offering it for sale. Seeing the gap in the market, I decided to dedicate the rest of my money and effort into starting up a raw milk business. The consumer demand was quite high and soon I found myself growing my farm to be able to accommodate it. I was able to get a loan to expand my business, and things were looking great!

Suddenly though, I was visited by a SWAT team who raided my business, took all of my supplies and equipment and charged me with CONSPIRACY TO SELL RAW MILK. Thank goodness they came and shut me down, I had no idea how much of a threat I was by offering such a dangerous product like raw milk! This is not to be taken lightly either, seriously situations like handling deadly milk require not just police officers, but the full force of SWAT teams. It is clear they were needed here, as their purpose is to:

...successfully resolve high-risk situations with a minimum loss of life, injury, or property damage, and to provide special weapons and tactical support to incidents that fall outside the training level of regular deputies

With all of our milking equipment and livestock, this definitely was a "high-risk situation" with a potential for "loss of life or injury." Regular police officers are ill equipped to deal with the hazards of livestock, it is highly preferred to bring the specialized talent off SWAT teams who are better trained to deal with unruly animals.

After I lost my business and had to pay for the SWAT team to shut me down, I also spent two months in jail as punishment for the severe crime of selling milk. Leaving jail, I was once again penniless, in debt, and now had an arrest record making it even harder to find a new job.

So here I am at age 40 now living back with my parents, with nothing saved for retirement, looking for a new job. But I don't blame anyone but myself! I trust that the ever expanding powers of government will one day go to benefit people like me because our politicians are elected to look out for our best interests, so they must do so in office right? Since our government requires nearly half of our GDP to run, that surely must be going towards benefiting the people right?