This is an introduction: I dont know who i am, but I hope this will help me find out

I am Citadel963, othetwise known as Nick. A lost soul attempting to find purpose, attempting to establish a vocation in life that will lead me towards some kind of fulfullment and hopefully give me the opportunity to leave something of value behind for others to benefit from before i perish and disappear into the ether. A legacy for my both my son and my family to look upon and feel proud that their flesh and blood projected something of positivity out into the world before i left.

I consider myself to be a good person, but so far during my 41 years on Earth my journey has not been a perfect reflection of the desires expressed in the previous paragraph. I have been drawn towards excess and self destruction, and as a result i have lived in complete contradiction to my values amd morals. I have talked a certian talk but walked a very different walk. I have virtue signalled and preached about the rights and wrongs i see in the world, and then engaged in moral degeneracy, selfishness, and been untrue to myself and others. This has led to a great mental and spiritual struggle where i have forced myself into a state of cognitive dissonance and gone to great lengths to justify my irrational and disshonest conduct as a supposed "moral agent".

This blog is a journey into my own mind and an analyse of my life so far. I hope for it to have a healing effect as i explore my interests and values and use my experiences as reference points to expose my misdeeds and wrong doings in order to re-evaluate my life and adjust my conduct as a human being so that i may become the authentic, moral agent i have always wished to be.

It is also a blog for me to write about anything that sparks my interest and things that i see happening in society and around the world. Anything from current world events, politics, anarchy, voluntaryism, philosophy, conspiracies, the supernatural, nature, cryptocurrencies, and life in general.