THE GREATEST DISCOVERY OF THE 21ST CENTURY
( This is a caricature themed on a celebrated video game . If the aforementioned topic is of not one of importance I sincerely apologize . However I wish to thank the zealous personages who will continue to scroll down this post , and hope you enjoy it )
In September 26, 2017 the game known as Fortnite was released into cyberspace , the general populace was held spellbound by the stimulation as it provided as a sense of thrill and suspense which took over the individual in the interminable quest to become the victor . As of July of 2018 fortnite boasts a staggering 125 million users in its user base .
The rapid success of such an awe-inspiring technological masterpiece is not to be scoffed at . However due to unceasing curiosity we ourselves decided to investigate all the factors which attributed to the success of Fortnite . What we speculated and what we recognized in our endeavors are unquestionably contradictory .
We began our investigation with a single squad (Their names will not be mentioned as a means of protecting their privacy ) . Randomly dropping them off at targeted hotspots in the map via a bus which was levitated using a mammoth balloon . We also made sure it was reinforced with metal foam so as to prevent the harm done by anti-air fire of avid players .
The first drop on the schedule was on 27.09.2018 at 0600 (UTC +0) . Almost all of the squad properly skydived and landed on coordinates D5-D6 . The location is commonly referred to as Tilted Towers . One of the three who were gliding towards the location was forthwith shot down by an assault rifle . The other two landed safely . Within 1 min we decided to update ourselves on the whereabouts of our operatives . Out of the two who did land one was brutally and with malice of forethought was beaten to an inch of his life with a pickaxe . The other was shotg and lay down on all fours as several of the opposing team members started emoting various dances . The most notable one of these was the ‘take the L dance ‘ . As of now we believe it as a ritual of honouring their fallen comrades and enemies alike ( more research must be put into this strange occurrence ) .The remaining member who stayed on the bus all the while thanking the bus driver was kicked of posthaste at coordinates marked C8 . However he remained MIA .
After respawning the second drop was continued on scheduled on 03.10.2018 (UTC+0) . All three remaining members were advised to put markers on the map so they could have a coordinated and efficient landing . The two who followed procedure proceeded to land on coordinates G3-G4 . This location is commonly referred to as Tomato Temple . One of the operatives landed on a tree so as to impress his fellow squad members . He died due to fall damage . The later of the two landed promptly and investigated the surroundings after acquiring a weapon and a slurp juice .
“ The whole structure is a reliquary which seems to be in a pyramidal structure similar to the Mayan temples which has been unearthed in the past “ these were the last words of the the operative as he was killed in action by a group totaling of four locals . The last operative who failed to follow proper protocol returned and reported that he was AFK due to the use of lavatory facilities to relieve his bladder . He proceeded to sneak past and camp in the top chamber of the compound after recovering video footage of the aforementioned individual .This helped us identify the locals who attacked our operatives . They seem to wear a traditional garment on which they decorate their heads with various utensils made out of wood and wear a red fruit as a mask . They are decorated with strange markings on their bodies . The following is a picture of said individuals .
The 3rd op : We sent our remaining operative on a solo mission as the other two were still recovering from their injuries . One has now acquired a fear of heights and for now until the not so distant future refuses to get out of his bed without a jump pad . The other is being kept in the insanity ward due to having an onset fear of tomatoes . On 08.10.2018 we sent our last remaining member of the team to coordinates D3-D4 . Immediately we found astounding discovery ; a clue to what we were after . There was a gargantuan burger and shattered parts of the space-time continuum laying on top of a hill . On further inspection the subject seemed to have a set of eyes and a pink flexible tongue . However no hint pointing to mental acuity was observed . At the present we believed that this was an inanimate object or an animate subject which has lost its life force . We decided to do an anti-clockwise rotation following the shoreline of the map form the current location so as to avoid most of the fighting happening in tilted towers . The operative continued to until he reached coordinates C7 and became MIA .
The 4th op : The communication relay of the operatives were disabled in C7-C8 coordinates . We prepared to send our best operative for reconnaissance . He was given express permission to execute any unknown hostiles and to rescue any survivors as he saw fit . He departed on the 09.10.2018 at 0430 (UTC+0) .We had no worries in his capabilities as his code name itself spreads fear among enemies : BABA YAGA .
code name Baba Yaga returned to the base at 0900 (UTC+0) . He brought back our two operatives who went missing during the previous ops . After inspecting their pjysical and mental conditions over the next 24 hours and taking in to account the statements given to us by code name Baba Yaga we compiled the information . It was surprising to say the least and we believe it is the greatest discovery of this time frame .
The individuals who went missing were discovered eating burgers in the local eatery ; Greasy Grove . The burger itself approximately had the same physiological structure as the burger we encountered in the 3rd op . We can safely deduce that the previously mentioned subject was a grand replica which was teleported from this eatery due to a space-time collapse which occurred in a few disseminated sites .
We believe that a key constituent for the massive influx of players coming into fortnite has been due to this item in particular ; Durr Burger.
This burger is what is acting as a makeshift enticement in a literal sense and is causing the player base to increase at such a tremendous rate . Taking a sample generously provided by the two operatives who were found eating at the restaurant have analyzed and have reverse engineered the recipe . Upon discussing with my colleagues we have deliberated that this should be released to the civic community promptly .
DURR BURGER RECIPE :
1 - Sesame seed bun :
Made from the flour of grounded wheat from fatal fields .
Sesame seeds from the trees near the outskirts of risky reels .
2 – Tomatoes :
Made from the tomatoes found in the ritual urns inside tomato temple
3 – Cheese :
Blue mushrooms from wailing woods , mix them on a 1:1 ratio with slurp juice and let it
Ferment for 12 hrs . This will produce Blue Cheese .
4 – Meeet :
Made from quarter pound of default skins and braised on a shallow pan until brown / grill on high heat in a vocanic fissure of a corrupted area .
5 – Olive :
Around the coastal area of snobby hills due to its heavy limestone concentration .
This delicacy is highly delectable and addictive , and can cause a pathological condition that has been recognized and has been named Fortnitus Must Playacus .
( Thank you for reading till the end . Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it .Upvoting is not compulsory but would be greatly appreciated )
References ;
- Fortnite player count :
https://www.statista.com/statistics/746230/fortnite-players/ - Fortnite season 5 map :
https://www.reddit.com/r/FortNiteBR/comments/90ip7o/fortnite_map_season_5_wallpaper_4k_ultra_hd/ - Fortnite wiki :
https://fortnite.gamepedia.com/Fortnite_Wiki - Fortnite official site :
https://www.epicgames.com/fortnite/en-US/home - John Wick 3 trailer :
https://qz.com/659130/researchers-have-invented-a-new-type-of-metal-that-pulverizes-bullets/