#Yolkporn is a thing. I’m a fan and I’m not ashamed

When I was a food writer, I had a disagreement with my colleague about how she described a chef’s “sexy chicken” dish. I proposed that there wasn’t anything sexy about chicken. Ever. It could be crispy, tender, spicy, delicious, even moist, etc., but sexy? SEXY? Nope.

Now, a perfectly runny egg, that’s another thing…

Because when treated with a gentle touch, heated so very slowly in a warm bath, an egg yolk thickens just so, creating a luscious, creamy, unctuous ooze that when finally released from its surrounding body, makes everything it touches delicious.

This is called mouthfeel, and if you’re grossed out by the above, you probably have one of those “texture” issues with food. That’s okay, just have someone else do the dirty work. And if you’re turned on by the above, you pervs will really love this: when atop a pizza, burger, pasta, even rice or a salad, or—as shown by the embarrassingly endless photos on my camera—simply served over avocado toast, the appeal of a perfectly runny egg is life changing. And weirdly erotic, if only to your mouth.

Granted, the point of #yolkporn pictures themselves focus on the “money shot”—that moment when someone at the table has the honor of breaking the yolk—but those in the know also know what else coming. So to speak. There’s nothing like forking a good yolk into submission.

But why is it so delicious? When eggs are heated slowly (either in water or, better, butter), something happens to transform the yolk into the perfect dressing for whatever you’re eating. It’s the medium that coats pasta in a luscious sauce, the glorious goo that soaks into the sandwich bread. How does that happen? SCIENCE! But I’m not a scientist, so click and Google that on your own. (Hint: there are lots of sexy protein chains involved.)

But once you learn how to make your own perfect egg, along with the endless uses, you may become as obsessed as I am with eating and shooting your own #yolkporn.

Can I do that?

YES! Everyone can enjoy #yolkporn, just choose your style: soft boiled, poached or fried.

And there are many opinions on how to do the first two perfectly. Truth—they’re awesome, but kind of tricky. I found that this is an excellent reference for several techniques that can get you there. I love poached eggs, but I bought poaching cups because they’re so much easier to use than going old school. So go try it out and tell me what works best for you!

As for fried eggs, practice makes perfect. And personally, I like a version that sort of steams the yolk, so there is NO flipping that egg.

Directions:
In a small non-stick pan over a medium-high heat, melt about 1 Tbsp. of butter. Yes, butter. Always butter.

When butter is bubbling, drop in a couple of eggs, immediately cover with a lid and turn the heat to low. Then, wait, about 3-4 minutes for over easy (runny), depending on your stove/pan. A minute longer for medium. The moisture evaporating from the butter and egg white should create a bit of steam to cook the egg topside, while the heat from below is now low enough to not overcook the bottom. Feel like giving the pan a firm but gentle shake halfway through? Go ahead, it won’t mind.

After 3 or so minutes, remove the lid and check on the egg: is the white firm or still runny? If firm, how does the yolk look? Does it jiggle when you shake the pan or less so? If things still look a little too loose for your taste, put the lid back on and give a little longer. They cook quickly, so it’s best to keep the heat low and wait for it to reach the point just shy of desired doneness. Yes, that’s a word.

With a spatula slide those babies onto a paper towel if you need a minute, or directly onto your favorite egg vessel and get ready for your closeup.

Tip: Start toast in advance or at the same time you start your eggs, so when those yolks are ready for their debut, they don’t sit on the heat too long and become overdone. Medium eggs are acceptable, but anything beyond that, you might as well try again. Nobody likes dry #yolkporn.

*All photos by me. Not all dishes cooked by me. Video above by people called Scoop Whoop who have some pretty funny stuff. See my Instagram for more, including a few money shots I couldn't embed here.
Disclosure: Eating is dangerous. Do so at your own own risk.