You are viewing a single comment's thread from:

RE: Short Sci-Fi Story - Sky People (ENGLISH/TURKISH)

in #fiction6 years ago

I was going to make a comment on some odd word choices and grammatical mistakes, but then I noticed you are bilingual, and English likely isn't your first language. In that case, absolutely fantastic job on this. It flowed really well, and there were precious few times I had to reread a section to understand what was being said.

The one thing I suggest that isn't completely related to the grammar is your formatting for dialogue. Initially, you use lines preceded with a dash to indicate a text conversation, which works well enough. But later, you reuse this in a face to face conversation, which threw me off a bit, but I decided maybe this was just how you handled conversations without actions in between the dialogue. However, you later embed these exchanges within paragraphs, again changing your approach.

For conversations, I typically have a new line for every time the speaker changes. This helps keep things from running into each other. Having a character take a minor action right before a line can also establish who is speaking, or even just having a "character said" or "character spoke out" line before their actual line to help anchor the reader. But again, really good job overall.

Sort:  

Thanks for your feedback. I would appreciate if you state odd word choices and grammatical mistakes next time. I am not fluent in English, I use yandex translator and microsoft bing translator to translate my stories into English, then work on the translated text.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.22
TRX 0.27
JST 0.041
BTC 104021.29
ETH 3869.26
SBD 3.33