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RE: Urban Legend Flash Fiction Contest - Jenny Jenny

in #fiction8 years ago

Ooooh goose bumpy!! I like it! This is just my opinion but you might think about removing at least one of the "was" from the last sentence to make it sound stronger. Something like " As the doors slid open, all they found was a blood covered phone and foot." Love the "phone and foot" though, great pseudo alliteration!

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Thank you, you are right. I rushed this to reach a deadline that was much shorter than I thought.

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