POO-POO and The ARMY

This is a funny story that happened when I was in the military. I have tried to cut down on the Jargon and tactical terms to make this funny and appealing for most.

In the military, it is very important to be on time and to hit your objectives precisely, especially when one is in an armor (tank) unit.

Each Troop (company) has a sector and the Troops North and South of that sector depend on the timing of the unit next to them to keep things safe.

If one unit gets too far ahead of the other unit the flanks (sides) can be exposed to the enemy and not be protected. The M1A1 main battle tank moves fast as does the Bradley Fighting vehicles that are in front as scouts.

It is in some ways like the start line of a race. When the order is given to "MOVE OUT" all units move at the same time. Captain Jones was a very dedicated and well-rehearsed individual. He had been reminded again and again of the importance of being on time, throughout his military career. He had rarely missed a deadline but there was always that fear that he would.

Life is not pleasant for an officer that misses a deadline and it can look very bad on reviews for promotions. So this officer was very nervous.

The main command is given over a radio with some code involved. All vehicles are running and ready to go prior to the order being given. When the captain receives the order he then goes to a different radio channel and gives the order to his subordinates. Imagine with 2 words "MOVE OUT!" getting 9 tanks and 8 Scout vehicles to move at the same time, much less all the other support vehicles.

If a vehicle has problems and won't start or run right it is generally left behind. Some mechanics will stay with it and the rest of the vehicles move out without that vehicle.

Captain Jones had a unique and challenging situation about to happen.

It was almost time to move and nature called. This wasn't an easy "Nature call" it was a big NUMBER 2 variety/emergency.

Captain Jones ran into the wooded jungle type area of Fort Stewart, Georgia, USA and found a private spot.

I will say the Armor Soldiers are not as used to doing Nature stuff out in the wilderness as are the infantry types. Typically during training, a tank soldier will ride to the next location, where some kind of restroom is available.

Captain Jones could not wait.

He decided instead of squatting down to hang from the limb of a mossy tree instead while going poo-poo.

He looked at his watch knowing he had to hurry to get back in time to get everyone started.

There was a sizable mound growing under where the Captain was "doing his duty".

He was almost done and it was almost time to move the entire unit. He hung there holding the branch with both hands.

Then he heard a creak.

The limb he was holding onto broke and deposited him right smack in the middle of his own pile of excrement.

Captain Jones cussed, pulled his soiled pants up and ran to his tank. He climbed up and got into the commander's hatch just in time to receive the command from his boss, the major "Black 6, MOVE OUT!"

He said, "This is Black 6, Roger!" then gave his troop the same command.

Everything went as planned.

His loader was the first to smell and over the internal intercome coughed and exclaimed "What IS that smell! It smells like SHIT in here!"

The Captain quickly briefed his crew on what had happened. They all had a good laugh "respectfully" at Captain Jones expense.

Captain Jones stunk up the inside of that tank for the duration of the mission and attended the subsequent briefings as well while Stinky. He scored well on the excercise and any of those that were unfortunate to encounter him could smell his dedication to being on time.

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