The honeymoon

We had a low key wedding. We couldn't afford a party so we settled for a pizza and a beer in the park. It felt like another summer Saturday. To spice things up I made a suggestion: we should each get a wish. Whatever we want. Whatever we had always wanted to do but had always been too scared to do. Okay?

“Okay,” said my wife.

“You first,” I said.

Without must hesitation she said, “I've always wanted to jump up onto the roof of an SUV and smash it to bits with a baseball bat. Naked.”

“Jesus, I had no idea!” I said. We were rather tipsy and a little stoned and generally high on the thought that we would be spending the rest of our lives together. We went to the sports megastore on Alexanderplatz, bought the cheapest baseball bat and strolled around in the twilight. My wife carried the baseball bat over her shoulder, which attracted quite a few stares, even a comment from a porky fellow who looked like an off-duty policeman: “You gonna make love to your boyfriend with that?”

My wife raised the baseball and stared into his eyes without blinking herself. As he was shuffling off, she shouted, “he's my husband you twat.”

When it was good and dark we went to a side street near Monbijoupark. A white Audi Q7 was parked on the side of the road. My wife wiggled out of her dress and removed her bra and panties. She made a sexy little dance out of it. She grabbed the baseball bat and leaped onto the front of the car like cat woman and began to smash the windshield. Each stroke produced a the satisfying thud and crack of steel against safety glass. Everybody should try it.

Within 15 seconds the windscreen and roof were unrecognisable. She just back onto the ground, swiped off both rearview mirrors, smashed in the headlights, and all of the windows.

She stopped and said, “we better go”. She gave me a luscious kiss.

“Oh fuck,” I said. I has just noticed a creepy man lurking in the shadows: he'd been filming the whole thing. “Hey you,” I shouted. He disappeared into the park.

My wife dressed and we went back to our apartment. “What about your wish?” she asked.

"Oh you know...." She made me a cheese and mustard sandwich which I ate slowly. Then we had regular sex in the bed with a little more foreplay than usual. A man of simple needs. We fell asleep in each others arms around midnight. That was our honeymoon.