Council Was In Session

Council was in session. The audience sat, waiting to supplicate before their overlords. The police department lined the back of the room.

Laren Quintrow pounded a gavel, “Council is in session. First order of business: Cigarette taxes. Comment from the audience?”

A frail little man got up in front, “I am in favor of cigarette taxes to discourage smoking. I can’t breathe with all these cigarette smokers.”

Another frail little man got up, “I am not in favor, this will make cigarettes more expensive.”

Laren, “Further comments? None? Vote! Motion passed! Cigarettes will be taxed in the village of Fellow Things. Chief Jarlson, kill anyone who resists the cigarette taxes.”

Chief Jarlson, “It may traumatize and sadden us, we made need therapy, but we will execute all cigarette tax cheats in the village if they resist.”

There was round approval, except from the smokers.

Laren, “Next on the agenda. Income taxes. Comments?”

A smelly oaf got up, “I am in favor, we must raise revenue for the village.”

Another smelly fool rose, “I am not in favor. My work is difficult enough without losing its gains!”

Laren, “Vote! Passed! Mr. Grossboy, make sure your businesses collect the income share. On a separate note, thank-you for your contributions to my campaign. Next order of business, the Center for Business Exploration. Shall we pass the motion? Of course we will, the audience is irrelevant to us. Sit down, be quiet. Chief Jarlson, throw that loud man in jail. I know he has invasive, prohibited honeysuckle in his yard. Or bamboo. Or multiflora rose. The odds are very likely, yes.”

Quiet councilmember Bucky Bowldart waved a velvet glove for attention, “Maybe we could use some of that money for an art fund for the village?”

The progressives of the village were thrilled that their champion and vindicating reason for village council expressed a dissenting opinion despite voting in favor of every measure.

Laren, “Ah yes, we can discuss it at the next council meeting. I don’t know if there’s room in the budget. What else is on the menu? What did we discuss earlier? Raises for ourselves and the police? Ah, sounds good. Vote! Passed!”