Can You Destroy Our Lighter?

Photo by Aaron Thomas on Unsplash

“Well, well, well, I just heard, I’m not the only one crazy enough to climb this thing.”

Miranda looked up from her book to see the smile that went with the words. The man was tall, with blonde hair neatly trimmed in the latest fashion, flat on top with thin spikes sticking out to the sides. He was lean and muscular, undoubtedly in good enough shape to climb the volcano, and good looking enough to catch her eye under normal circumstances… but these weren’t normal circumstances. It was possible that it was a coincidence that he was doing this climb at the same time as her. It might have nothing to do with the contest, but she didn’t really believe in coincidences. As tempting as it was to lift the book up between them and continue reading, she had to find out why he was here.

“Is climbing Mount Doom one of your bucket list items?” she asked casually.

“What? Oh the climb, nah. I’m doing it for this.” He pulled a lighter from his pocket and flicked the lid open. As Miranda heard the famous click of the opening lid, she felt her stomach drop. Thankfully, she must not have let her emotions show on her face because he continued talking. “It’s a Blaze-O lighter. They advertise that they’re indestructible, giving out a lifetime warranty with every purchase. Well, they’re having a contest right now called ‘Can You Destroy Our Lighter?’ to show what lengths a person would have to go to actually destroy one of them. Whoever destroys their lighter in the most spectacular way gets a billion dollars. Oh, and a new lighter of course. You know, lifetime warranty…”

Miranda knew quite well, and as he talked, she felt the pressure of her own Blaze-O lighter. She hoped he couldn’t make out its outline in her shirt pocket. The advertising contest was the latest craze as companies discovered that people were willing to go to extreme lengths for a cash prize and a moment of galaxy-wide fame. The amount of buzz produced, both by the competition and the advertising that was created by the winner, moved enough product to make them very profitable. There were some cries from the liberal parties on several planets about the dangerous, and unpaid, lengths people went to for just a chance to win, but so far the Confederation Congress hadn’t done anything to intervene.

“Well, I better get some sleep. Early morning tomorrow, you know.”

“Actually,” Miranda said, “you know we could sleep in and have a nice warm breakfast before we get started. I mean, we’re the only two going up tomorrow it’s not like the Sherpa can leave without us, right?”

The man smiled and nodded, “I like the way you think. Meet at the basecamp restaurant at nine?”

Miranda smiled, the emotion actually crinkling her eyes as she had a real moment of satisfaction, “Nine sounds good.”

At five minutes after seven, the next morning, Miranda and the Sherpa stood looking at each other. “Weren’t we supposed to get started at seven sharp?” Miranda asked.

The Sherpa nodded, “Yes, but mister Samuel Gordon was supposed to be joining us.”

Miranda shrugged, “Well, he isn’t here, is he? Are we going to wait around all day for someone who didn’t show up?” The camera drone Miranda had rented floated around to get both her and the Sherpa into its shot as they spoke with one another.

The Sherpa shook his head in annoyance, “We’ll give him five more minutes, and if he isn’t here by then, we’ll go.”

After five minutes, they began the climb. It was an easy climb, and Miranda enjoyed the brisk pace. After an hour, they could no longer see the base camp behind them. It was two hours after the base camp had disappeared from sight that the calm mountain air was disturbed by the high pitched whine of an anti-grav sled. Moments later Samuel Gordon came into view, speeding up the mountain with a camera drone identical in appearance to Miranda’s in his wake.

“Mister Samuel Gordon I presume?” Miranda asked as the man from the previous night landed the anti-grav sled with expert precision.

“Please,” he replied with a smile, “my parents call me Samuel. My friends call me Sam.”

“Those anti-grav sleds are for emergency use only!” the Sherpa exclaimed.

“This was an emergency,” Sam said as he got off the sled and began punching commands into its navigation computer. “I got left behind because of a mix-up over breakfast. Still, no harm done. The auto-pilot can take this sled safely back down to the base camp, and Miranda and I can get back to the business of winning a billion dollars.”

Miranda nodded, pulled the lighter out of her pocket, and held it up. “I guess you figured out we’re both here to throw a lighter into the volcano.”

If anything, Sam’s smile seemed to get a bit larger at seeing her lighter. “Well, after breakfast, I definitely suspected. Thanks for confirming it though. So what now? We can’t exactly race each other to the top of the mountain when we’re sharing a guide.”

“I don’t know, I kinda like my chances of beating you based on what’s happened so far,” Miranda said with a smile of her own.

Sam shook his head, “This isn’t the most dangerous climb in the galaxy, but it’s still dangerous enough that one of us could get hurt, or killed. Why don’t we work together? We’ll split any money we get from Blaze-O, fifty-fifty.”

Sam stuck out his hand. Miranda looked at it thoughtfully, and then finally reached out and shook it. “How could I refuse such a nice offer from a fellow Tolkien fan?”

For the first time that morning, Sam’s smile disappeared, replaced by a look of confusion. “Tolkien? Is that one of the Blaze-O mascots? I have to admit I don’t know much about the Blaze-O brand, I didn’t even own one of their lighters before they announced this contest.”

Miranda shook her head, “Tolkien, the fantasy writer from Old Earth? I assumed that’s why you picked this volcano too. It’s named Mount Doom, like the volcano in his book. What better way to dispose of the lighter than to throw in into Mount Doom?”

Sam shrugged, “Nah, I don’t go in much for books. Especially that dusty Old Earth stuff. I just looked through the database of volcanoes and found one that was photogenic, but not too challenging to climb. I mean a billion dollars is enough for a nice retirement if you don’t mind living outside a major city, but it isn’t enough to inspire me to be the next Edmund Hillary.”

“So you had no idea about the literary connection at all?” Miranda asked dumbfounded.

Sam shook his head, “Nah, I just think lava is awesome. It’s bound to win. My first thought was to shoot the lighter into a star, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was a stupid idea. I mean, you would have the excitement of shooting the lighter out into space, but with the backdrop of a star, it would disappear from the camera almost immediately. Then you would just be standing there for a really long time saying, “Yup, it’s still on its way. Probably pretty close to getting destroyed by now.”

Miranda shook her head, turned back onto the trail, and said, “Come on, Samuel, we had better get moving if we’re going to make it to the summit before the end of the day.”

They climbed for three more hours before taking a break for lunch. They sat down on a ledge just barely wide enough to accommodate all of them sitting comfortably. As they ate, Miranda brought up something that she had been thinking about since their last conversation. “Samuel, you said you don’t like Old Earth literature, but you know who Edmund Hillary was?”

“Well sure, Edmund Hillary was a real person. I love reading about the adventures people undertook and imagining what it must have been like for them. I mean imagine trying to be the first to tackle Everest way back when there weren’t even personal communicators to call for help or rescue teams with anti-grav.”

“You know, if you like adventures, you might actually really enjoy reading Lord of the Rings. It’s full of adventures, battles, and of course, you already know about the volcano.”

Sam rubbed his chin, “Well, maybe I could give it a try. I suppose reading about the adventures of big, strong warriors fighting their way to a volcano might be worthwhile.”

Miranda grinned, “Actually, they’re short.”

“What’s that?”

“The people who fight their way to the volcano. They’re short, really short. Like one meter tall.”

Sam shook his head and grinned, “Now you’re just messing with me.”

Miranda opened her mouth to answer, but before she could say anything, the Sherpa was on his feet and talking, “I think this is far enough. After this point, the going gets tougher, and the two of you will just slow me down. Now hand over your lighter.”

Miranda and Sam both stood up, focused on the gun the Sherpa was pointing at them. Miranda leapt forward, reaching out her hand to shove the gun to the side so that she wouldn’t be in the line of fire, but she was too slow. The gun went off, and Miranda was knocked backward over the ledge and out of sight. Her camera drone went flying after her, over the ledge.

Sam started to step towards the ledge to look, but the Sherpa motioned with his gun. “Set your lighter down and start walking back toward the basecamp,” he said.

“You don’t think you’ll actually get away with this, do you? I mean that thing’s recording us,” Sam said, motioning toward the camera drone.

The Sherpa smiled smugly and pulled a small remote out of his pocket. He pressed a couple of buttons, and the drone flew away from Sam and started hovering over the Sherpa’s shoulder. “I’ve erased all the footage from the last twenty-four hours,” he said smugly. “If you don’t stop, you shouldn’t have any trouble getting back to the basecamp before dark.” he said, “But if you prefer you can follow your friend down the fast way. There are accidents on this volcano every year. No one would think anything of it.”

Sam looked one last time across to the ledge where Miranda had gone over. As much as he wanted to do something, he knew the best thing he could do now was walk away. Maybe there was a chance when he got back to basecamp and reported her fall they could send out a rescue team and find her. He knew the odds were slim, but it was all he had as he stood there, feeling helpless. He pulled out his lighter and dropped it to the ground. Without a word, he started back down the mountain.

He had only walked for about fifteen minutes when three anti-grav sleds went racing past him, up the mountain. He noted several armed security guards were riding on them. He turned back and went running back up the mountain. Before he got back to the spot where the Sherpa had shot Miranda, one of the anti-grav sleds passed him, heading back down with the unhappy looking Sherpa in handcuffs. The second passed by Sam a few seconds later, with two security guards riding on it. A moment after that the third sled appeared and slowed down in front of Sam. To his amazement, it not only held two security guards, but also Miranda and her drone. Her arm was in a sling, but she looked surprisingly well apart from that.

“I thought you were dead!” Sam exclaimed.

Miranda nodded, “I did too for a moment when I went over that ledge, but there was another ledge just three meters below. I managed to break my arm in the fall, but that should heal in a few weeks.”

“But what about the bullet?”

Miranda reached into her shirt pocket and pulled out her Blaze-O lighter. There was a round indention in the side of it, where the surface had previously been smooth. “Thankfully, the Sherpa failed to destroy it!” she said with a laugh. “As soon as I realized I wasn’t falling to my death, I connected to my drone and transmitted the footage back to basecamp security using my personal comm.”

“Well, I’m really glad you’re okay.” Sam held his arms out, offering Miranda a hug. As they embraced, Miranda’s drone hovered around to get a better angle from which to capture the moment. Sam looked up and said, “Wait, we still have your drone and your lighter. Should we finish our trip?”

Miranda shook her head, “No way, I’m keeping this lucky charm with me from now on.”

Sam looked over at the security guards, “I don’t suppose there’s any chance of me getting back my lighter.” The large man who was closest to Sam shook his head, “Sorry, it’s being entered in as evidence.”

Sam looked back at Miranda, “Are you sure? We’re so close! Think of the billion dollar reward!”

Just then, the other security guard spoke up. “Come on, Carl, it seems like the least we can do after what they’ve been through is to take them to the top.” She unzipped a uniform pocket and pulled out a Blaze-O lighter, holding it up for Sam and Miranda to see. “Besides, if we use your sled and my lighter I’m pretty sure they’ll share the money with us, right?”

Sam and Miranda both smiled and nodded. So they all loaded onto the now crowded sled and were at the summit a few minutes later. All four held the lighter out above the lava together as the drone recorded. Miranda laughed and said, “Well, when I arrived yesterday, I never would have imagined that my solo trip would have ended up with the four of us together, and me happy to be alive. Helen, Carl, Sam, I’m honestly glad I met each of you.”

With that, they dropped the lighter into the lava below.

Three weeks later, Sam was on his ship when he heard the chime of an incoming call. He walked over to his ship’s comm and was surprised to see the call was coming from Miranda.

“Well, hello there,” he said with a big smile, “I honestly didn’t think I would ever hear from you again.”

“Yeah, same here, to be honest. The only problem is, we had a deal.”

Sam raised an eyebrow, “What deal?”

“We agreed to split any money we got from Blaze-O from our little adventure, remember?”

Sam nodded, “I remember, but we didn’t win…”

Miranda smiled mischievously at him and asked, “Speaking of, did you see who did win?”

Sam sighed loudly, “Yeah, I saw.”

“Refresh my memory, what was his winning idea?”

“He shot his lighter into a star,” Sam said begrudgingly. “I have to admit he actually did a good job. He put the lighter into a rig with multiple cameras, and you saw the cameras go offline one by one as the heat damaged them. The final shot, when the last camera went black, was of the still pristine lighter. It was more artistic than anything I would have done.”

Miranda bit her lip, “You know, it isn’t as much fun if you’re a good sport about it, right? Anyway, even though we didn’t win the competition, Blaze-O loved the footage of their lighter stopping a bullet and saving my life. They’re offering me fifty million for the right to turn it into a commercial.”

Sam stroked his chin, “Not bad! That’s a decent payday, even after we split it four ways. I assume you’re going to split it with Carl and Helen too, right?”

Miranda nodded, “Anyway, I’ll wire your share of the money. After that, well who knows, maybe we’ll see each other again sometime.”

“Actually,” Sam said, pulling a flyer out of his pocket. “I was just reading about a new competition.” He pulled a flyer from his pocket and held it up to the viewscreen. “Lyktastic Energy Gum. I already have a winning idea, but I think I would have a better chance if I had a partner, assuming you aren’t afraid of running from the fire pygmies on Eta Hydri 4?”

Miranda punched a couple of buttons on her nav computer and then said, “If I leave now, I can be there early Wednesday morning.”

Sam smiled from ear to ear and said, “That’s perfect because you still owe me breakfast. See you soon, partner.”

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This story was originally published June 8th, 2019 on The Weekly Knob

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