Challenge #02617-G060: Bonding Through Irritation
The humans teach some havenworlders how to play an infamous board game known as monopoly. -- Anon Guest
Competition is innate in Humans. Without some form of competition in their lives or society, Humans tend to... wither. A society without competition goes retrograde. A Human without competition becomes bored. There are few forces in the universe more destructive than a bored Human.
Fortunately for Havenworlders, Humans tend to bring along entertainment. This may be some kind of survival instinct at work or even a protective one. Human protective instincts are renowned for being very strong indeed. Full analysis must await cogniscents who are immune to infection by Human Insanity.
Nevertheless, always be wary of the ones who bring along tabletop games. There are three kinds of those. The ones that take two to five years to play, the ones that are ludicrously complicated and difficult to understand, and the ones that seem engineered to create animosity. Of the last category, the game known as Monopoly is the worst.
According to their own history, the inventor of Monopoly created it to be deliberately dull and boring, as well as unfair to those with the least acquisitions. Once one player acquires Park Place and Boardwalk, the zugzwang begins for all the other players.
It is a slow descent, made worse by the chance that one roll of the dice could have a player passing those blue properties of supreme expenditure and passing GO for that vital two hundred dollars. However, with the income from the deep blue set, that player can acquire all others and therefore increase the disparity.
Human children, taught by this game to be completely mercenary little shits, know that after the acquisition of Park Place and Boardwalk, one should expand one's empire counterclockwise for a complete and demoralising victory. Havenworlders haven't quite grasped this, though some are better than others at picking up Humanity's imitation of logic.
"I will purchase from you your North Carolina property," said Syek. "In lieu of rent."
Human Wuf narrowed their eyes. "Are you sure you've never played this before? You're playing exactly like my seven-year-old cousin." This was not an insult. Seven-year-olds are widely known to be utterly devastating capitalists at Monopoly. Especially when extra pudding is on the line.
"I shall consider this praise," said Syek. "I do like the colours. Now, I believe since I have a set, I may begin adding buildings."
"Yeah, you got it. Pay for each level of housing, then the hotels. I've learned from my cousin." Seven-year-olds could also be devilish little cheaters when they realised that the grownups didn't always remember the rules.
"Oh yes, I can pay in full for three hotels now."
"...you little shit, you are playing like my cousin."
This was, according to all available sources, a Human sign of approval.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / albund]
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OK, you made me give a wicked little laugh reading that last part "You little shit you ARE playing like my cousin!" :-D