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RE: Silm's claw grasps the last strand of existence
I wonder if I should. I haven't written poetry in a long time, but I've been having a hard time with metrics and rhyming since English is not my first language and it's pretty hard. I've done some iambic pentameter poems before, but I'm finding them particularly hard recently.
You can play with the sounds of the language without rhyming or using meter. Just ask Milton :). I often find the sound of very structured poetry to be contrived and awkward. I usually use blank verse or free verse myself. Poetry is linguistic music, and you can get there your own way. Whatever inspires you.
Anyways you're great with rhyming - that's what brought this up:
"...the wind had come and frozen his bones and made him tremble and shake and clatter and break."
And you do some very rhythmic alliteration as well that a Viking scald would be proud of: "Silm stared at his claw that grabbed something imperceptible in the middle of a blur. Dreams of honour undone by the death of transcendence itself."
I was struck by the beat of the syllables in several places in this piece. I don't know if you did it consciously or just naturally, but the sound is very intoxicating in places which is why I suggested working it as a poem.
BTW check out this (https://steemit.com/poetry/@melaniesaray/unfading) for unrhymed poetry. I have quibbles with some of the grammar and punctuation but this is a second language speaker I think. Just listen to the sound of it - especially that third stanza. Amazing.
well, yes @mdbrantigham, not's my first laguage and i have so many things to improve, 'm fom Venezuela, but i'm so glad 'cause you liked my poem, thanks