Hanging From My Rearview - Chapter One - Part Two
All prepped and ready to go I said goodbye to my father and gave him a big hug. I went to the local Costco to fill up on gas. I felt like I had all my ducks in a row so I hit the road. I started a movie on the computer and hit I-40 West out of Albuquerque. It usually takes about eighteen hours or so to get to San Francisco from Albuquerque but I didn’t plan on stopping very much and definitely wasn’t planning on staying at a hotel. Nope I was going to make this a straight shot all the way to California without stopping for anything but gas and restroom breaks.
I left in the afternoon and was making good time. It wasn’t until I was around the Las Vegas, Nevada area that I started to get a little bit tired from driving. At this time, I put on “Drive” and the movie really got my adrenaline pumping. I know that it seems dangerous to be driving and watching a movie but with the way the computer was situated it was easy for me to watch using my peripheral vision. It helped that the sound was coming through the car speakers. That movie has a pretty good soundtrack and it was fun pretending that I was a driver on some important mission of my own. And I was for the most part on the most important mission of my life, which was searching for my own path to self-discovery.
Because of the psychosis I was experiencing, it felt like something hugely spiritual was happening to me, like I was being reborn. I remember that once I got outside of the city limits it felt as if I had this deep connection with the world around me. It was as if I had just been plugged into an electrical circuit and was synchronizing with the universe on my path to greatness. For the first time in a long while, I felt completely alive. I thought that the spirit world was communicating with me while I was out on the open road and drew the conclusion that the electrical interference from the city prevented me from being connected to this supernatural phenomenon. I was quickly becoming addicted to this feeling of being super connected to my surroundings. The open road with its scenery, the unfamiliar landscape and its foreign beauty combined with the background of a perfectly clear sky brightly lit up with glittering stars set to a dark midnight blue backdrop were jolting to my senses.
It was like I was being guided on the road. I felt a strong sense of comforting come over my body in a wave. I once again began to cry only this time they were tears of joy. I felt a release of all my stress that had built up over the past few years of probation and confusion. I also started to hear a voice but instead of God it was my grandma, Alice, who had passed away. It was as if she was stroking my hair and telling me that everything was going to be all right. I spoke to her as I drove into California.
“Grandma, look it’s me, William. I’m finally living. I’m going to do something with my life now.”
Even though I couldn’t see a physical manifestation of anything, I did my best to envision her in the way that I remembered her and it felt like her ghost was riding in the car with me.
She said, “I’m so proud of you William. It’s about time you took charge of your life. What are you going to do with yourself?”
“Well I’m going to go see San Francisco and clear my head. I feel like there is something waiting for me out there.”
The ghost replied, “There is indeed something waiting for you. It’s the next step of your journey in life. You are a very special boy William and there is a job waiting for you, but it will be up to you to decide if you should take it. This is your life and you must discern if the opportunity is a good one or not.”
I allowed myself to continue crying and it felt really good to just let go. I told the apparition that I missed her so much and I wished that she were still alive to see me. She kept stroking my hair and saying, “There, there, it’s all right William.” Then it felt as if the ghost was ready to leave and it ended the conversation with what my grandma used to tell me all the time, “Just remember, socks up William, socks up!”
I thought to myself, “Socks up!” And like that the feeling was gone, but I still felt the supernatural connection to the world around me. All of these emotions I was cycling through did not drain me. In fact it had quite the opposite effect on me. My adrenaline was pumping overtime. My brain was like a stuffed Thanksgiving turkey just getting basted in the stuff. Deep down I just knew that what I was doing was the right thing. I was curious what this opportunity might be and was focused with laser-like precision on my goal of getting to San Francisco as fast as possible.
The transition from night to day was occurring; the sun began to rise from the horizon behind me. I could see it in my rearview and this sunrise was glorious. The beams of light started to penetrate through the stale atmosphere in my SUV. I had switched from movies to playing music. The whole time I was singing along and I thought that recording some video of the experience would be a good idea. It came across my mind that I could make another music video like the one I had made before. (After the relationship ended with Jenny #1, I made a fan video to a song by Mike Posner called, “Halo.” This version of the song was a remake of the Beyoncé song with the same title. Only in this version Mike Posner was singing about a girl who turned out not to be an angel and he was saying that she should take her halo off. This was, of course, my way of signifying that Jenny #1 was indeed no angel as I had previously thought. )
I pulled out my video camera and began to record. It wouldn’t matter that the sound wasn’t spectacular because I just needed to be able to hear the song in the background. Later I could sync up the video with the actual song playing so that I would be lip syncing in the video. I couldn’t tell how psychotic I was. My face was vibrant and full of life and emotion. If someone were to see this video out of context, it would be hilarious. There would be no doubt in their mind that I was completely nuts at the time. At least that’s what I thought when I came across the video later. I never ended up using the video for anything other than elucidating the level of my psychosis to myself.
Realizing that I was not paying enough attention to the road, I decided to put the camera away after only recording twelve to fifteen minutes of footage. I needed to return my focus to driving. The morning was progressing nicely and I was making good time overall. It was somewhere in the mid-morning and I could now see the Golden Gate Bridge. An intense feeling of accomplishment and excitement began to course through my body. Throughout the entire trip I never lost the supercharged feeling from my adrenal glands working overtime. It in itself was a thrilling high. I could easily see how people become adrenaline junkies. I started to cross the bridge and noticed the time; it had only taken me about sixteen and half hours to travel from Albuquerque to San Francisco.
I called Abel, “Hello” he answered.
“What’s up Homie? I made it here.”
He replied, “What? Already? Man, you must have been driving like a maniac.”
I responded, “Yeah I drove all night! I’m on no sleep. I just kept going and getting coffee when I stopped for gas.”
“That’s what’s up! Well I live in this apartment over by Mission Park. I will text you the address.”
We exchanged our goodbyes and I got his text. I quickly punched it into the GPS on my phone and I was on my way. It only took a few minutes to get to his neighborhood as there weren’t very many traffic complications. I was surprised at how narrow the streets were in San Fran. The rolling hills were fun to drive on, especially with the emotional high I was on. It was like an asphalt rollercoaster. I felt an instant connection to the city for some reason. Somehow it just felt like I found my home. I found Mission Park and passed by the house from the popular 90’s show “Full House.” It was all a little surreal. This was the first time that I had traveled by vehicle alone to a place so far from Albuquerque. It was also the first time that I had left Albuquerque in almost three years. I guess you could say I was overdue for a getaway.
I made a few turns and was on Abel’s street with no problem. That GPS worked perfectly. I found his house and was impressed. He was living in a three-story building that was partially brick. His apartment was on the second-story. There was a security gate guarding the entrance to the property complete with a little buzzer. I opted to call him and he answered quickly.
“What’s up man? I’m out front. Come and let me in!”
“Where did you park?” He asked.
“I just kind of pulled over in front here.” I replied.
He laughed and was now opening the door to his apartment. He was still on the phone as he descended the staircase talking to me but hung up about halfway down and kept talking to me since we were now live and in person. We slapped hands and did a little shoulder dap. He explained his laughter about parking, pointing out that the parking situation was not like in Albuquerque. A parking space is a hot commodity in San Fran. He pointed out one that was not too far away and instructed me to hurry and park there before it got ganked (stolen). I grabbed my things from the Explorer and we went inside his apartment.