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RE: The Corrupt Earth: Steemhouse Writing Prompt

in #fiction5 years ago

Splendid prose, as always, with you! Even something as simple as a flock of starlings becomes poetry: hundreds of starlings swooping and swirling like a single plume of living black smoke - and what they do is chilling. What do the birds know? What are they evading?

We don't know exactly what went down (did our narrator knock on the door first, e.g.), but the short, punchy sentences give us an idea, and I find myself not rooting for this protagonist after all:
I knew the old farmer kept canned goods in the underground cellar and a shotgun by his bed. Oh, yes. I definitely knew that. Now.
Really strong, punchy prose! Oh, and horror - knees (and eyeballs) being the most cringe-worthy of all body parts to injure (for me): *something crunched and twisted in the knee joint. Fresh blood oozed through the bandage - gaaaahhh!!!!!!
#Repetition of keywords is a poetic device, a refrain for songwriters, and your prose often has the quality of good songwriting. This - this - it's more than a refrain; it's the Greek chorus of tragedy! It's brilliant:
I couldn’t see beyond the easternmost rise of the land, but I didn’t have to. The birds had told me. They knew. They always knew.
And the final line... I'd say it's sublime, but it doesn't bode well for the hero. Then again, I don't feel too empathetic toward this guy (not knowing more than we do about the farmer), so, maybe...SUBLIME it is!

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Carol, your reviews and critiques are solid gold. I hope others here on Steem appreciate the talent and skill you bring to this community.

thank you!!
I frequently vow to give up the reviewing gig because it seems hardly anyone reads my reviews, still less reads the books I'm reviewing.... but I never stop. Just don't know how to shut up!

I'm a steemit newbie, though I saw this story and was astounded by not just the quality, but the fact that your review on it was pretty beefy, full of substance. Due to the nature of blockchain and cryptocurrency I just had the feeling that much of these stories were going to be reposts of other stories but after reading other stories I realize how wrong that is, many folks seem to put effort into their works, even the little short stories are at least good. I appreciate your review and hope to see more people like you writing them with constructive critique!

Thank you!! I appreciate your feedback - and love how positive it is. :)

@broadband, I encourage you to visit the Steemhouse links at the bottom of the story. We're working very hard at Steemhouse Publishing to improve the quality of fiction and other forms of writing on the Steem blockchain. Feel free to join our Discord chat server whether or not you consider yourself a professional writer. We're trying to build a real "thing" here, and your insights (as well as general conversation) will be appreciated.

As a hobbyist writer, I'll definitely consider joining that later. It's amazing to see such a community like this one's.

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