Open Letter to my Male Coworker

“You have too much pressure in your head. You should get married , you’ll see, all the pressure will be gone.”

This is an open letter to my male coworker who thought that the previous comment was meant to be a compliment.

As a senior employee, I first want to say that I respect your work and your passion for the company. Regardless of your age, your cultural background and your education level, you should know better. As everyone else seems to think that these are valid reasons for you to be entitled to give me relationship and career advices- I don’t.Your misogyny is not welcomed in my world, and I will tell you exactly why. You should know that, no, there is no pressure in my head. I’m doing my job and I’m a beast at it. Two, having a husband will not define me in any different way.

Until now, I still don’t quite understand what you meant by what you said. You didn’t seem to have any way to justify it except by assuring me that it was a compliment- I don’t see it.By pressure, did you mean that as a woman in an engineering field, I can’t handle the stress I undergo on a day to day basis on my own? Don’t worry, my entourage told me the same as I was deciding my major, citing “engineering is too hard for a girl to pursue”. Guess what — I prove them wrong (and made them extremely proud) by graduating with distinction. That is, in a field dominated by men, and the imbalance resulting exactly because of the discouraging words propagated by men who thinks like you. By doing so, not only do you limit a girl’s choice, but you also make her feel less than she truly is.

Perhaps you meant that having a husband will relieve me of my financial obligations and thus, I will be able to live with a pressure free mind. Perhaps you also meant that the only reason I’m working next to you, is because I long for the day I can return in a kitchen where I truly belong. Because my work in this company is by obligation, and not by choice. Because the sole purpose of my struggle, my education, my growth, was to serve men like you who don’t know {understand} any better. No, that is not why I work next to you. I work next to you, because I earned my place.

Understand clearly that my gender does not dictate my capabilities: if I make a mistake, it’s because I’m human; if I do a great job, it’s because I worked hard for it.

If you’ve read so far, and you plan on commenting, please don’t say “what a dumbass”, because he is not. Do not excuse his comment for stupidity- he is the product of years of being conditioned into a misogynistic society; an environment that taught him that his behavior was beneficial to his world.

It’s the first time I deal with sexism in the workplace, and I’m definitely sure that it won’t be the last.I am writing this because this is not the first time I have seen it happen: the little “sweetheart” pronouns, the subtle “feminazi” jokes and the “boys will be boys” arguments.

I am mainly writing this to all my friends and coworkers, men and women, who experience sexism, directly and indirectly: Please, for God’s sake, denounce it. The more we talk about it, the less taboo it will be and the less will it become the norm.