[Family Protection] Building Defenses
The strange case of the Turpin family hitting the news has some terrible and terrifying components.
The idea that seemingly normal parents were able to do horrific things like allegedly chain their starving children to furniture is repulsive to any sane human being. The number of weird inconsistencies in the story makes me wonder what's going on and where the agenda is. There are wildly outrageous claims being made right and left but the evidence presented doesn't fit the narrative.
What it does fit is a full-on power grab to remove freedoms from a large number of innocent parents based on sensational claims made about one family.
The ramifications of such a case will unfortunately extend far beyond those poor children who are now victims whether their parents really abused them or not. Such cases present a clear and present threat to many, many innocent families, especially large Christian homeschooling ones.
All Parents Are Under Suspicion
Many authorities (judges, police, medical professionals, teachers, child advocacy workers) already have a mindset that they must protect children from their potentially abusive parents. Whenever rare and awful cases like the Turpins happen, they're used as a springboard to reach deep into the safety of loving homes to snatch children from innocent parents. Legislators rush to enact new laws "to protect the children!" and the public - primed by semi-factual and sensationalized media reports - suddenly views perfectly loving parents with deep suspicion.
Never mind the abuses in the foster care system, right up the point of death and disappearance. Never mind the rampant abuses being exposed in the public school system. Never mind the fact that many children who die are killed by people near them who aren't their parents. Never mind all of that. Parents are the worst likely abusers and must be scrutinized, interrogated and regulated beyond all reason.
In this climate of scrutiny and suspicion, it is up to parents to interact with their surroundings wisely and do their best not to put themselves in situations where snatch-happy authorities could become involved.
Trigger Warnings
There are a couple of things to keep in mind as a parent if you'd like to avoid innocently triggering a CPS report.
1.) Any discipline of any kind in public is subject to people's scrutiny and criticism
2.) Your relationships are your first defense
3.) Being innocent DOES NOT protect you
That last point can't be overstated. Innocent parents can and do still lose their children.
Defend Yourself: Know Your Surroundings
I've learned from experience that even a slight scolding can offend people. This doesn't mean you can't say anything to your kids in public, but keep in mind that what you may think is a very small correction (like saying "no" or "I expect better of you") can be noticed and objected to.
Therefore, ANY kind of discipline in public is best avoided.
Do I think you should be at the mercy of your toddler's whims in public? No. Absolutely not. But your home is the place to practice on behavior, not the grocery store. The grocery store is too dangerous.
To this end, it's often best to avoid going out when your kids are tired or hungry or in a condition where you know there's likely to be some problems. If you're out and something really egregious happens like a kid having a full blown tantrum, go somewhere private to resolve the issue. You can't afford to have people watching because people have all different opinions on what you should be doing with your kids, they get offended easily and it's very easy to think they're doing a good deed by calling on you.
Don't think you're invisible. You're not.
Relationships Matter
There are a few relationships that often contribute to false allegations of abuse: spousal, neighborly and medical.
Parents
It seems as if the overwhelming number of false abuse claims I've heard or read about in recent years come down to a divorce or strained relationship between a child's parents. One parent reports the other for a variety of reasons. So if there is a marriage difficulty or other split between parents, both must take extreme care to have their interaction with their child documented and witnessed.
Of course the first and best defense? Have the best possible relationship with your spouse or the other parent of your child! If there are problems there, however, do whatever it takes to develop a relationship with a good lawyer. You will most likely need a legal advocate who knows you and your children well at some point.
Neighbors
Avoid getting into fights with your neighbors.
No duh, Captain Obvious!
But so many times, it's a disgruntled neighbor who calls authorities. It's always good to be on the best terms possible with your neighbors, but if you have small children it's critical. If your neighbor wants to pick a fight with you, it won't be a fight if you refuse to be baited.
Be kind to your neighbors. Get to know them. If they have some problem with you that's in any way fixable, fix it! Don't be the aggressive problem neighbor.
Don't stand on your rights with your neighbor: always err towards kindness.
Medical Professionals
One person to be scrupulously careful about choosing and developing a relationship with is a family doctor or pediatrician.
Professionals like these are a lifeline since they can be a trusted and unbiased voice in favor of an innocent parent. If you have a disagreement with a family doctor or pediatrician about how a health issue with a child should be handled, whatever you do DON'T have a big argument. Quietly find a new doctor. But don't argue. You aren't going to win.
If you disturb a health professional, they have a lot of power in their word and a report from them could result in a blood-chilling chain of events culminating with your child being kidnapped out of your home. If you and your children have a good relationship with a health professional, they can be your best friend and insurance in case of false allegations.
Don't ever stay in a practice where there's friction. It's not worth it.
Doctors are like anyone else: there is a wide variety of training and philosophy and if you're a reasonable person, there will be someone you can build a good relationship with.
The Right To Be Misunderstood
An important point to remember: just because you have rights doesn't mean you should shove them in peoples' faces.
Discretion is definitely the better part of valor when it comes to keeping your family intact.
You should have every right and freedom to give your child a stern scolding when they do something like run out into a parking lot: it's your job to love, teach and protect that child, after all! But the fact of our world today is that you aren't safe even giving a scolding.
You aren't safe arguing with a doctor. You aren't safe standing up to your obnoxious neighbor who plays noisy music at four in the morning. As the protector and defender of your children, you need to set aside the instinct to be offended and to stand on your rights.
Your children need you more than you need to come out on top in an argument.
Defending Is Not Hiding!
It's important to note that some abusers are very good at HIDING abuse. An innocent parent doesn't need to hide anything, but to know the things that can put them in harms' way and to defend against them. The more wise interactions good parents have with their children and allow their children to have with other people, the safer those families will be.
Image Source: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Castel_del_Monte_Mai08. (add this to follow link) jpg#file
Image Source: http://semo.net/congressman-smith-votes-to-fight-presidents-power-grab/
Image Source: https://www.thelocal.ch/20160721/study-a-fifth-of-swiss-spy-on-neighbours
Image Source: http://wearethemagazine.com/essay-parents-best-teachers/
Image Source: http://medicalprofessionsalaries.com/qualities-you-must-possess-as-a-medical-professional
Image Source: https://www.popsugar.com/moms/How-I-Take-My-Busy-Toddler-Shopping-Store-27331169
Image Source: https://www.quora.com/Would-you-rather-be-right-or-kind
Image Source: http://www.fivewaystobe.co.uk/five-ways-to-become-a-more-confident-parent/
This post has been Resteemed and Upvoted by @familyprotection
are using "Child Protection Agencies"
to take children away from loving families
and place them in foster care or group homes
or put up for adoption.
THESE FAMILIES NEED PROTECTING.
Thank-you @lturner for supporting @familyprotection
This is all quite true. I read a post today on Facebook that shed a little more light on the Turpin family situation. The timing of it seems a little off. You see, California had just lost a lot of federal money because a large population of families had pulled their kids from school over 100% mandatory vaccines to attend public school. And so these parents had decided to homeschool their kids, so CA lost some money and needed a way to get people to see that homeschool is horrible. International media attention on a crazy homeschool family is the way to go. A media feeding frenzy. These kids who had never been outside, yet had pictures at Disneyland, Universal and other places. I don't know what really happened with this family but if mainstream media is broadcasting it far and wide, you kind of have to stop and think about why they're doing that... Anyway, I agree with your post. Disciplining out in public is a huge no-no now. People are just out to report what they think looks like abuse and it's sad. Thanks for putting this together. I always enjoy your posts!
I absolutely agree! Something is not right about this story. It seemed fishy to me from the very first time I read it. I don't think that this extreme level of abuse could have possibly gone on unnoticed for so many years. It seems to all be a ploy to turn the public against homeschooling, or to weasel their ways into our private lives and private homes.
Yes so true! They said the 29 year old looked so malnourished that they looked like a 10 year old. Wouldn't the other members of the extended family have noticed - they had seen them within the last few years, right? And the Disney pictures would have pointed that out. We haven't seen any "current" photos of these people, have we? Being in Panama, I have to rely on whatever pops up on my Facebook feed or msn if it happens to be open. Or I have to go looking for it, which I don't do. Yes, definitely a plan to get more into our lives and control just a little more of our "freedoms."
You're right. I think it's just an act of desperation to sway public opinion. A closer look at the "facts" presented shows way too many inconsistencies. However, it does not change the fact that there are also families going through terrible ordeals that may not be as bad as pictured here but similarly BAD.
Yes, it all seems odd right. Too many unknowns at this point.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if this story isn't in the very least being manipulated for the purpose of grabbing the homeschoolers back into the mandatory vaccine trap. Whether the family was abusing their kids or not I certainly can't tell from here, but there is such a mess of outrage and crazy details that I suspect very little of what we are hearing is anything like reality. I just don't trust media reporting at this point and there are so many agendas which can come into play when you mention large homeschooling Christian family...in California!
You're welcome and thanks for reading! I always look forward to your comments and feedback!
It is so crazy that we can't trust the media to report the truth anymore. Crazy and sad. It doesn't line up or make sense...
I know. And what they don't realize is how much we would appreciate if they would act like reporters and just REPORT instead of trying to manipulate all the time. No one likes being manipulated!
Your analysis is on point and seems very logical and applicable. Seriously, that was the only thing that came to mind when I heard of this story. I can't for sure know what exactly happened with this family, and I can't see beyond my nose on this matter, but one thing I
am pretty certain about is that The government is feeding negativity to the public in large doses to cause people to frown against homeschooling. Homeschoolers better be extra careful.
Amen. Homeschoolers always have to be careful but now the heat is really going to be turned up. It really made me feel sick when I first heard about this story, and the sad thing is I wasn't even as sickened by the story as by what is going to be done because of it. This story isn't going to save kids. It's going to victimize MORE of them. I am simply praying very hard it isn't mine.
An absolutely awesome post @lturner. The problem with many of us is our misplaced trust in organisations that we believe are set up to defend us and our faith in a system that has been time and time again, proven to be unfit for purpose.
Anyone can fall victim to this system by a twist of fate such as those you have described and your advice to build relationships, especially within your local community and neighbourhood, should not be taken lightly. But pointing out the fact that those who choose to go against the established societal norms will most likely be those targeted by agencies which on the outside may appear malevolent but when fully investigated, reveal themselves to be agencies of deception and profiteers from misery, is a crucial piece of advice that these men and women must surely heed.
Great job, my friend. Hope your day is going well! :)
Thank you!
We certainly are geared to respect and trust "systems", as if a system is more reliable than fickle humans. Problem is...systems are often heartless, irrational, cruel things. You can't develop a relationship with one. You can't be kind to one. A system can't look at you and see you for who you are.
They are not benevolent. Sometimes they can be useful, but they seem to always become dangerous. And that's what's happening with our "child protection" system now.
This is such a good post and very scary for parents just trying to raise their children to be people rather than animals. Now days I guess that's why we see 3 yr. olds running the household. God help us all!
Thank you! I hate to try to scare people, but I see so many who really don't understand how fast they can bring trouble down on their own heads. A relative was relaying a conversation they had in the ER recently when they were questioned about guns in their home and all I could think was, "You're very blessed you didn't have CPS on your doorstep the next day". And the truth is the relative didn't say anything that should've been problematic in any way! But that's the climate we live in.
Sadly, what's happening is that because good parents cannot and should not ever discipline in public, it makes people believe that parents who have good children don't discipline and they can get the same results without doing anything with their little crumb-crunchers. And also the idea of "discipline" is conflated with "abuse", making the problem even worse. 3 year olds end up running the household and never learn the character, strength and wisdom they're going to need to be good parents themselves, sinking the next generation even further into chaos and confusion. Oy, what a mess.
Hi, I am trying to get some of my work regarding privacy out there, I have begun a very intensive series on privacy protection and I think everyone in family protection can use it, in a very urgent way.
https://steemit.com/surveillance/@mindhawk/privacy-workshop-2-you-have-something-to-hide
I am going to teach everyone everything I know about how to keep your tech from spying on you, and of course the kids, who have no other defense than the wisdom of their parents.
The tech has changed more in the last 10 years than in the last 30, before it, hypernormalization is upon us. I am trying to help people who have not been able to follow the news, as in privacy workship #1 where I collate all of the revelations about spy tech in, not some, but all of the most widely used tech in the world:
https://steemit.com/freedom/@mindhawk/privacy-workshop-1
A resteem would really help me get this off the ground, I have put a lot of effort into it but I'm having trouble getting eyeballs to look at it.
My first post on reddit was about the arizona system, I consider my work to be part of not only family protection but the protection of racial and ethnic minorities, the anti-war movement, NO DAPL and just about every other group that is taking a stand and actually resisting.
Without political rights and the knowledge of our own technology, and real effort to protect our ability to have our own thoughts inside our own heads, and our own ideas in our own computers and messaging, then there is no way for the individual to resist the shadowy powers that currently attempting to rule the world. In this way I am trying to help all of the movements for peace, justice and prosperity. Sorry for the rant I'm really passionate about this and feel a lot of the time like I'm banging my head against a wall....
peace, thank you for your work, let the good vibes get a lot stronger!
I'll be sure to check out your post! Being aware of our problematic tech is definitely a worthwhile topic and I feel very uncertain when it comes to what our spyware can and cannot do. I notice my husband has recently placed a sticky chair felt over his webcam, completely blocking it - probably because he is worried it might be activated without him being aware of it. And while it feels a little paranoid...I understand why he does it.
Don't bang your head on the wall! It takes a long time to get going on Steemit, but you have a good subject to pursue and there's clearly a lot of people on here interested in such information.
I did wonder if there was a hidden agenda in that news story. There often is, but as I wasn't privy to all the facts I could only go on by overall view of authority in these issues. And that is I don't trust the. But with such a sensationalist story, your heart strings get pulled at straight away. The write the narrative, and how can a far of viewer know the truth of the matter?
The points you offer do seem to offer a sounds logical based form of protection. Pity that it has come to this, but diligence is probably wise.
I know, the heart string pulling makes it hard to step back and objectively view what's being reported. Once the initial shock of the story passes, then you start to see all the strange and obvious holes, but the initial report is so horrific and sickening it's hard to be objective in any way about it.
It is a very great pity. None of the cautions should be necessary. But sad experience is proving over and over and over again that common sense is missing far too often in these child protection situations. Innocent parents and children are going through awful, awful things.
@ltuner, thanks for such a great article for parents.
I believe that parents have the right and responsibility to parent. We live in a fallen world and suspicious world, but that should not deter us from doing our job of raising children to become adults.
We must parent with grace and love. We must parent with conviction and confidence. Keep up the good work #steemparents!
Thank you!
Yes, we live in a fallen and suspicious world all right. It shouldn't deter us from the job of raising good adults: but my hope is to keep people from getting snared in the web of false accusations and potentially losing their children in the process. It happens so easily and when we're innocent of wrong-doing it's hard to imagine that we could get snared in a trap that's supposed to catch evil people...
Excellent post and I agree people will use anything they can to get what they want....including more laws and regulations!
This post has been upvoted and resteemed by @thethreehugs
Thank you!
You are most welcome!
Before I read the post - I knew nothing about the history of the Turpin family. Now I looked on the Internet, what Russian media write about it. Almost all of the articles blame the parents in the horrible treatment of children at the continued captivity. But in one report I found no evidence of guilt. I understand the parents while also pleaded not guilty. I am confused by the fact that none of the friends and relatives of this family did not notice anything suspicious, although they considered the family reclusive. In addition, there are a lot of photos, where all the family members look happy. I think that the media is now hounding parents Turpin, which pursues certain goals.
I agree with the idea of handling your child in public. I once was witness to a hysterical child in the store, when he lies on the floor, waving his hands and shouting. Often I came up with the idea - why go to the store with your child, if you know that a child can behave this way. And then I think that can happen to anyone. Once I and my daughter were walking in the Park. She was one year old and she was still not very confident. She really wanted to touch the trash, I did not give her to do so. She began to scream loudly, sat down on the asphalt. Naturally, I started to pick it up, but it got worse. She began to twitch and pull away. I decided to give her to calm down. It was warm outside, the daughter was dressed warmly. But for those two minutes while she was lying on the pavement, I caught myself so many negative and judgmental eyes.
Ai yi yi, yes if you have a child having a tantrum in public it's really a no-win situation! If you do nothing, it drives people up a wall because who wants to witness an out-of-control child screaming their head off? If you firmly take control of the situation and make the child behave, people get hysterical because you're abusing the child by imposing your will on them. No win.
The Turpin family has absolutely become a venue for a media circus. Those poor, poor kids. No matter what happened, they are going to now be permanently affected. Poor kids.