THE FOUNDATION OF THE ISLAMIC FAMILY HOUSE

Article 32 of the Islamic Charter on Family teaches Building the Family on Religious
Principles. Building the family structure on the principles of religion and its
fundamentals in each person’s selection of a spouse provides a firm foundation for
this structure and its continuity.

SESSION OBJECTIVES

By the end of this session, participants should be able to:

• Describe the foundation for a strong and healthy marriage.

• Identify Allah (SWT) as the foundation of marriage.

• Realize that many marriages may be built on the “wrong foundation.”

STEP ONE: Gathering views on the foundation

General Questions

• When you want to build a good marriage, what would you
consider important to have and why?

• Looking at the situation in our society today, what is the
foundation of most marriages?

• What are the different types of marriages in our society and
what is the foundation of each?

• What problems would you see if a couple did not build a marriage house on a
foundation of Allah?

• What are the advantages of making Allah the foundation of our marriages?

STEP TWO: Supplementing views on the foundation
The strongest and most basic part of a house is its foundation. If the foundation of
the house is strong, it can support the remainder of the house, while resisting the
wind, the rain, and forces of nature. If the foundation of the house is strong, the rest
of the house can be constructed properly. Its pillars will be straight, its walls thick,
and its roof even. Yet if the foundation of the house is weak, eventually it will sag and
crumble. A house without a strong foundation will not be safe to live in.

The foundation of the Islamic Family House is Allah and His great love. It is Allah
who ordained the ritual of marriage, sealing the unity of husband and wife with his
own divine seal of love and mercy. Allah says “And among His Signs is this, that He
created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with
them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs
for those who reflect.” [Quran 30:21]

Knowing that marriage is a form of worship (ibadat), we should enter into this ibadat
with the right intention, which is to please Allah (SWT). Recall the hadith narrated
by the leader of the faithful, Umar Ibn Khatab (RA), who reported that he heard the
Prophet (SAW) saying “Actions are judged by the intention.” (Bukhar and Muslim)
Therefore, from the onset, the intention of one’s entering into the Islamic marriage
must be to please Allah (SWT).

The divine nature of marriage means that we must build our houses as Allah intended
and not how man and woman alone might intend it. Remember that the Prophet
(SAW) said, “When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him
fear (Allah) regarding the remaining half.” (Alibaihaqi)

The foundation of Islamic Family House entails total submission to the will of Allah.
It is He who ordained the institution of marriage as a divine union between man and
woman. “…. He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are
Signs for those who reflect” [Quran 30:21].

Religion as a foundation for choosing a spouse is very important. Allah (SWT) says
“Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves,
male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace:
for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things.” [Quran 24:32]

Trial marriages are not allowed in Islam. The pre-condition to have sexual relations
is nikah, the marriage contract. A hadith related by Uqbah bin Amir says that the
Prophet (SAW) said that from among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the
condition which makes it legal to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract)
has the greatest right to be fulfilled (Sahih Bukhar Vol. 3 Book 50, No. 882).

The conditions for an acceptable Islamic marriage include acceptance of both bride
and groom, permission from father or male guardians of the bride, mahr (marriage
gift to the bride) and witnesses. [Quran 4:25]

Islam teaches that consent from both man and woman is a must before a marriage
can take place. “If any of you have not the means wherewith to wed, Ye are one
from another: Wed them with the leave of their owners, and give them their
dowers, according to what is reasonable. This (permission) is for those among
you who fear sin; but it is better for you that ye practise self-restraint. And Allah is
Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful.” [Quran 4:25]

The Quran states “O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against
their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness.” [Quran 4:19]

The Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) is reported to have said: “The widow and the
divorced woman shall not be married until her order is obtained, and the virgin girl
shall not be married until her permission is obtained.” (al-Bukhary, 67:42)

The next chapter of the Sahih al-Bukhary states: “When a man gives his daughter in
marriage and she dislikes it, the marriage shall be repudiated.” (al-Bukhary, 67:43)
Further hadith provides examples of the Prophet Muhammed (phuh) cancelling such
marriages in which the daughter’s consent was not sought. Also read Quran 4:24.

In relation to witnesses, Sheikh M. S. Al-Munajjid, a prominent Saudi Muslim lecturer
and author, states: In order for a marriage to be valid, it is essential to have two
Muslim witnesses of good character, because the Prophet (PBUH) said: “There is no
marriage except with a wali and two witnesses of good character.” (Reported by
Al-Bayhaqi from the hadith of Imran andA’ishah; classed as sahih by Al-Albani in
Sahih Al-Jami`, No. 7557

With the Islamic understanding of marriage, we realize that a husband and wife are
to be co-builders of the house, working with Allah to build a house strong and worthy
of His love. With a strong Islamic foundation, we realize that our married lives are not
just physical lives, but spiritual lives and community lives as well.

The importance of the institution of marriage receives its greatest emphasis from the
following Hadith of the Prophet: “Marriage is my Sunnah. Whosoever keeps away
from it is not part of me.” (Meaning that he/she is not one of the Prophet’s followers.)
With these Quranic injunctions and the guidance from the Prophet (PBUH) in
mind, we shall examine the institution of marriage in the Shari’ah. Since the family
is the nucleus of Islamic society, and marriage is the only way to bring families into
existence, the Prophet (PBUH) insisted upon his followers entering into marriage
The Shari’ah prescribes rules to regulate the functioning of the family so that both
spouses can live together in love, security, and tranquility. Marriage is an act pleasing
to God because it is in accordance with his commandments that husband and wife
love each other and help each other to continue the human race and raise their
children to become true servants of Allah SWT.

The Prophet of Allah (SWT) stated: “Whoever chooses to follow my tradition must
get married and produce offspring through marriage (and increase the population
of Muslims) so that on the day of resurrection I shall confront other Ummah
(nations) with the (great) numbers of my Ummah.” (Ibun Maaja 3)

Marriage being a lawful response to the basic biological instinct to have sexual
intercourse and to procreate children, Shari’ah has prescribed detailed rules for
translating this response into a living human institution reinforced by a framework of
legally enforceable rights and duties of the spouses and their offspring. These aspects
are beautifully explained in a tradition of the Prophet (PBUH).

It was narrated from Abu Dharr that some people from among the companions of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said to the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him): “O Messenger of Allah, the rich people will
get more reward. They pray as we pray, and they fast as we fast, but they give in
charity from their excess wealth.” He said, “Has not Allah given you things with
which you can give charity? Enjoining what is good is a charity. Forbidding what
is evil is a charity. Having intercourse (with one’s wife) is a charity.” They said, “O
Messenger of Allah, if one of us fulfils his desire, is there reward in that?” He said,
“Do you not see that if he does it in a haraam way he will have the burden of sin? So
if he does it in a halaal way, he will have a reward for that.” (Muslim 7/92)

STEP THREE: Life application

Couple Time
• What is our marriage like today in relation to Allah [SWT]?

• What steps will we take as a couple to make Allah [SWT] the foundation of our
marriage?

The facilitators thank the participants for their responses and insights. Prepare
them for the next session and remind them to keep in mind the following:

• The image of the foundation of an Islamic Family House is deen/iman/faith (total
submission to Allah).

• Marriage is acceptable after a legal Islamic contract (nikah); husband and wife are co-
builders of the marriage house.

• Even if your relationship is not currently built on the foundation of Islam, Allah always
awaits with his love, mercy and forgiveness to accept repentance and guide you
through the right path to the Islamic Family House.