How the police let me down from the first time I called them for help

To answer the question in one of the replies on my previous story that I posted ... Yes, it was a government women's shelter where we went. I had been calling back and forward to all kinds of social workers that I found online. I had no clue what I was doing, I only knew that I needed to leave this house, before it would really get out of hand. And I was also scared that he would attack me even worse than he already did, and then would back his story up with those witnesses he talked about. At that time it even seemed like the neighbours did not mind that he beat me up, because he would stand in the door opening screaming all kinds of horrible things to me, and nobody would do something. I wished many times that one of the neighbours called the police. 

Before I continue the story in the shelter I want to get back to the days before I left. Because I forgot to mention the part about the police coming to the house when I called them myself. This was a challenge, because he would grab my phone when he got violent, to make sure that I could not contact anyone at that time. It was thursday night and I remember it like it was yesterday. After that fight I recorded that he did not know of yet at that point, he would not let me and the little baby into the bedroom while he was so tired and I wanted to take him out of the situation so badly. After many hours of him attacking me, and breaking stuff in the house downstairs, I needed my sons pacifier. Because I could not get him fall asleep in this stress environment. Eventhough normally he would just drink my milk and always fall asleep, this time it didn't work, I guess he felt my fear.

The dad was in the bedroom, to go to sleep, and on one hand I was happy that we were finally alone downstairs, but on the other hand I saw how exhausted my boy was and felt so sorry for him that he had to see all of this violent behaviour. Unfortunately the pacifier was in the bedroom, so I had to go up there with my son on my arm, and he came to the door yelling that I could not enter the room. He had to go to sleep, because he had a job and had to work tomorrow early. I told him calmly that I only wanted the pacifier for him, so he would fall asleep. Instead of getting the pacifier, he grabbed him from my arm, and in my head I can still hear how hard my son screamed because he wanted to be with me. He was screaming for me. The dad said to me: "he can come in, you can't". Pushed me out of the room and closed the door hard. I could hear my baby screaming even louder, and I knew he was not going to calm him down. On top of that he also closed the door with the key so I could not enter. I had my phone in my pocket, and recorded this part also. I hoped this would be helpfull when I would finally be able to contact the police, especially because of the other recording hours before that (2 hours at least) where he told me his evil plans to get rid of me.

My motherheart was breaking, and I felt so helpless. When he heard me going down again he first let me go. And I found the landline phone downstairs, so I called the police quietly. I thought the bruises on my body and the havoc he made downstairs would be enough to see what had happend in this house. I was so wrong. After a while the police came to the house, and he opened the door for them, I went to the bedroom and sat crying on the bed. He still had our son with him while 2 policemen were talking to him about what had happend. Another policemen came upstairs to talk to me, and there were also 2 policemen standing outside the house at that time. The police officer that I talked to was friendly but when he told me to come downstairs the atmosphere in the livingroom was getting negative. 

One of the other officers that had talked to my ex asked said: "I really don't understand why we are here, you are two grown people and you can't agree on who sleeps in the bed?" I was shocked by the aggitated look on his face, and quite intimidated. As he spoke these words, I looked at my ex who was sitting on the couch with my baby boy and he looked at me with the most evil eyes. I could see him telling me with those eyes: "You just wait until they leave".  I hoped the officers would notice, but they didn't or maybe they just didn't care. End of the story was they left without doing anything, and seeing through his lies. And when the door closed I was scared what would happen.

He warned me never to call the police on him again, and I thought he would beat me up now, but luckily he didn't. He told me very clearly that he would sleep in the bed, and we were sleeping on the couch, and he did not want to hear anything from me again, because he was tired. That our boy was exhausted by now was not important, only he was important. I was shocked by the lack of help from the police, and I felt very alone at that point. I thought that nobody was going to help me when he would do something to me again, and of course he realized that he would get away with things easily as the police officer mad me feel like the one who did something wrong. Because I was calling them for help. My trust in the police was actually gone from that moment on.

After a night with a crying baby that finally fell a sleep for just a few hours before the dad would wake up and come down to go to work, I was afraid and also exhausted. I tried not to talk to him, so he would not get agressive again before he left. He would be gone for work until late at night that day, so I would have the time to catch up some sleep, and I was counting down until he left. Unfortunately it did not matter that I was calm and didn't speak. When we crossed ways in the kitchen he grab the opportunity to start a fight again. 

I can stil remember where I stood, and that our baby boy was standing right next to me, when he started screaming that I should never do this to him again. I told him that maybe next time he should not get so agressive, and that he should also think about the little one who needed to sleep. 

At that point he gave me the head-butt and I remember it was so hard, that I almost fell to the ground. Right away the little one started crying and screaming because of his dad getting agressive at me. The dad thought I was recording this, and screamed: "What did you say? That I gave you a head-butt? Really, you are crazy because I did not touch you in any way". I said to him that he did do this indeed, but I was not recording this. I remember that he looked at me, and I saw pure evil in his eyes. He came closer, next to me and whispered in my ear: " This was only the beginning, I am not done with you yet". It still give me shivers when I think about that moment. 

I had an enormous headache, but he was very smart to give me the head-butt where my hair grew, so not in my face or something. Later on I learned that he thought things through very carefully, so there would be no evidence that was valid enough to make a case against him. He left to work leaving me with pain and the feeling that I could nog even get any help from the police. I talked about what happend to some friends, and they said to call the police anyway and explain why you did not want to call in front of him. So I did. I called and the lady on the phone was very kind actually. I told her what happened that morning and  explained about the attitude of the policemen the day before, and that I was scared when they left. So when this happened this morning just 30 minutes before he would go to work, I decided that I rather wanted him out of the house than that the police would come again doing nothing and who knows what would happen then.

She said she would send 2 police officers to the house in a bit. I was surprised about their friendly attitude compared to the men the evening before. They said they were very sorry about what happened, but the police can only take action when the wounds are visible, and are bound to laws to come to action. I told them that I understand, but what can I do now? It is not safe to stay here, especially with the 2 kids involved. They told me there are places to go to in these kind of cases, and they told me to look online for the contact details from these shelters. They also explained that it would be best to take action, how scary this may be to leave everything behind, it would be better to keep us 3 safe in one of these shelters.

So I decided to follow their advise and called some numbers. After a few hours finally I got a lady on the phone from the organisation of the shelter where I needed to go in my town. She asked several questions and first advised me to leave my daughter with their grandparents if she would be safe there. I almost fell for this, luckily she called back and said that the person in the shelter said I needed to get her back with me as soon as possible, otherwise this could get very complicated getting her back to me. I was packing without being able to think straight. I had some bags of cloths, but afterwards when I was already in the shelter, I found out that I forgot about half the things I needed.

She first would pick me up at the trainstation with a car, but I told her I didn't know how to get there with 2 kids and all these bags. Then she told me she would pick me up at the house. I needed to be sure he wouldn't be there, and normally he would be gone until hours afterwards, so it should be safe. Let me tell you that when you are waiting for that person to arrive to take you to a shelter, you feel like a criminal on the run for the police. It feels horrible and I was scared to death that he would be home early. We got out of the house on time, but only 10 minutes later he was home. I know this because the next day I saw a message on my phone from him 10 minutes after we left asking where we were.

That was a close call.. to be continued...

~~~

 All of my posts are posted when I find the strenght to write about that particular part of my life. Some events are extremely painfull to relive, and write down, therefore it will cost me a lot of energy, and tears to finish the post. 

Here you can find all of my posts that I posted under the #familyprotection tag with my own personal story. 

I was homeles a few years ago

How to get back your inner strenght 

Turning my experience of being homeless into something good

My posts will not apear in chronological order, so sometimes there may be a period of a few years in between this and the next or previous post. Don't be confused by that, this is to make sure I can cope with it. I found a way of coping with the pain and grieve in the last 1,5 year or so. Before this period I was lost, and could not see any light at the end of the tunnel. 

This is not so hard to understand, if you know what happened to us in a period of only a few years. Many people will not even experience this kind of horror in their whole lives. (Luckily!) I plan on getting as much awareness as possible by sharing my story, and hope to help others open their eyes before things get out of hand. So your support is much appreciated! 

Resteeming too, of course. Thank you for your support!

AnoukNox