Life Lessons from a Geek: Stand By Me... a Lesson in True Friendship (Part 2)

Earlier this week I wrote the first part of the life lessons to be gleaned from the movie Stand By Me.

This film contained so many examples of true friendship that I had to break this piece in half in order to attempt to do them all justice (without writing a 3000 word tome).

So let's pick up where we left off. Where was I?

I was 12 going on 13 the first time I saw a dead...

Chris continues to be the epitome of a true friend in several interactions with Gordy. Sometimes you need a friend to simply convince you that you are indeed "OK". Friends boost each other's confidence and build them up when they are feeling down. Chris does this for Gordy in the following scene:

I would argue that the only "weird" teenager is the one who never thinks he is "weird". Chris shows his remarkable wisdom in the simplicity of his answer. He doesn't lie. He doesn't sugar coat it. He gives his friend a reality check. Oh course Gordy is weird... just like everyone is. He then does the most altruistic thing any friend can do, he puts his friend's well being above his own. Would Chris be better off if Gordy where in the lower level* classes with him? Of course he would. But Gordy would be far worse off. Friends never drag each other down for any reason. That is what friends never do.

Chris is not satisfied with merely refusing to pull his pal down. He goes out of his way to build him up:

Wow.

Not only does Chris let Gordy know that he believes in him and that he should strive to fulfill his potential as an author, he utters one of my favorite lines from any movie; "I wish the Hell I was your dad". Then Chris reminds his friend that he has a God-given gift and he will not sit back and allow his friend to waste it. He pledges to look out for his friend. Friends look out for each other. That is what friends do.

Bad Terrible things happen. That is a fact of life. Having a friend to be there to comfort you when you are suffering should also be a fact of life. It was for Gordy... because he had Chris.

"He doesn't know you."

"He doesn't know you."

With these simple, yet unforgettable lines, Chris lets his buddy know that it is impossible for anyone who knows Gordy to hate him. Then Chris does one of the bravest things in the entire movie. He hugs his friend like a father would hug his son and consoles him as he sobs. Why is this so brave? To a twelve year old boy, the second scariest thing is showing emotion. The scariest is getting caught hugging anybody (even their own mom). Yet Chris tosses aside that twelve year old nonsensical machismo and gives his friend what he needs: a shoulder to cry on, a self-esteem boost... and a little joke.

That little joke provided Gordy with a safe way out of this interaction. It snapped him out of his funk and allowed him to rejoin reality. Gordy was mired in the Hell of thinking about his dead brother (whom he worshiped) and the fact that his father clearly wishes it were Gordy who had died instead. Because he had a friend to stand by him, this burden did not crush Gordy. Friends will do whatever it takes to pull each other out of their "Hell". That is what friends do.

This model friendship in the film is not one sided. Gordy gets to show what he is made of as well...

Friends are able to be their trues selves with one another. Although Chris is clearly the tough leader of the group, he has emotions too. When Chris's entire world is shook by this betrayal by someone he trusted, Gordy is there to support him and listen. Sometimes friends just need to quietly listen to each other. That is what friends do.

Sometimes your best friend happens to share a last name with you. That was the case for Gordy and his older brother Denny (who had passed away six months before the events of the story). In order to illustrate this point, I will make sure my son truly pays attention to the following scene.

Friends boost you up. Friends make you feel important. Friends recognize what makes you special. Friends brag about you so you don't have to. That is what brothers do.

I hope my son is able to do that for his little sister.

Today, I am lucky to have a wife (who is my best friend) two brothers, a sister and a fairly large group of friends. Although there are many people who will stand by me...

I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?**

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*I had to forgive the use of the dreaded "R" word here. The movie was produced in 1986 and is set in 1959. People were ignorant of the way that word hurts people with intellectual disabilities. But I will make sure my son knows it is not acceptable in our time.

**These are the last lines of the movie. The Narrator types it in green font on his very old computer, shuts it off, and runs outside to play with his twelve year old son and his friend.