Onward and Upward to Bigger and Better

Ever get the feeling that you just changed directions in life... like, you can feel the slight shift... and then that acceleration?

I have been in such a slump, as my recent sad-shit-emo posts will attest. Then, out of the blue, I felt that paradigm shift. There was suddenly this... motivation... like it had been there all along. I am old enough to recognize the signs and to know when not to mess with momentum.

Sometimes, you just gotta go with it, when the feeling strikes. Planning is rad when there is time for it.

SIDE NOTE This reminds me of some shit Karl Pilkington would say. Oh, wait... that's because he did!

(Photo via free licensing ala Flickr.com)

Time to Fly

I remember, there was once a resistance when the change happened. Even now, I am 40 and I am not going to say that I relish change. You may think that I would... or should. Astrologically, for example, I have so much mutable fire up in here that change should be my favorite food. This so is not the case. Over the years I have come to accept it and to even relish the purpose of change in my own life. That doesn't mean that I welcome it. I do recognize it and I witness the effects that it brings, whenever it comes to town.

There is always a sense of dread when change comes, but truthfully, this is silly. The dread is there, most likely, because things are about to get uncomfortable. I find it entertaining, watching the living wiggle away from discomfort. Not funny, haha... or like I take pleasure in the displeasure of another... but there is a twinge of horrified interest that comes into play when discomfort is about.

Discomfort & Other Sources of Evolution
I read a lot of hermetic shit, religiosity is a carefully honed interest. Divinity and structure through faith certainly, whether intentional or not, defines my being and shapes me continuously into the person that I am presently, as well as that which is being eternally reborn as the present takes shape. This existence requires an acceptance of adaptation, which is not a personally natural quality. I have spent hours, learning how to fit in to the next situation, how to go through the rabbit hole, rather than over. I have created a series of self-challenges that act as reminders to not miss out on growth opportunities. It is fun, but it is also tiring.

However, some of the best experiences in my own life, those that were both challenging and intriguing, were those that happened purely by paying attention to that spark of inspiration or the tugging sensation of manic manifestation.

Embrace You, At Every Stage

Authenticity happens when we meet our own expectations with the true self that lies within us. Personally, this is one of those codes that I strive to live by.

There is only one you, and you only have one experience... at least from this perspective. In truth, what does it matter, how many chances you have, if you only remember this one singular experience, now, here in this moment? The past, present, and future don't stop for lollygaggers to get a clue. Sadly, this means that not even you will stop for you. ;)

Inspired motivation, sometimes, I like to think of it as intentional manifestation. It is like an energy buzz, where your brain bursts with ideas and the body is suddenly willing to make that thing go from a thought to a reality. It is a bonus buzz from the life hack gods. View it as a power up, a temporary boost that you have either earned (usually the case) or that some higher up player bestowed upon you. Either way, this kind of burst can be a boon if you fight it, or a blessing if you just go with it.

Advice From The Past

Suddenly, I remember my 5th-grade running coach. I can see his face, but don't ask me his name.

This flash of a memory moves forefront to speak up to the Congress of my consciousness.

"I saw you holding back downhill. Why was that? It is easier to just relax, let the mountain take you down, and to go with gravity."

I had been so focused on my running form, keeping my knees in line, my shoulders squared with my elbows and willing my lungs to breathe in these steady, recovery breaths that will sustain me for the whole 2-3 mile run, that I forgot about the environment.

I considered my form and remained quiet. In the memory, it seemed like he was waiting for a response, but I just remained awkwardly quiet. After a moment, he sort of stuttered like maybe he thought I was offended or going to argue. I don't know. I didn't even remember all of this until just now.

Suddenly, I chimed in to retort, "That makes sense. I will keep it in mind!"

I threw up my hand in a dorky thumbs up. Ahhh why is it so embarrassing remembering things, but I was so oblivious to how clumsy my communication was at the time?

He didn't seem to react like I was being obtuse, he just went with it. He clapped my shoulder and laughed. It wasn't condescending, but rather, a hearty, sincere sound.

slow motion now, just for a moment... Then...

"You'll figure it out, I got faith in that and in you, kid."

Kid. Apparently, he didn't know my name either? Maybe that is why I STILL, can't think of his name. But the advice was solid then and it did help me to become a better runner. It seems appropriate for the now as well. Brains are kind of helpers like that, sometimes, if you allow them to be.

No Time Like the Present

I try to keep the thought in my mind for a second more, searching the memory for anything else, but there is nothing. There is a moment of the sun and then a flash of brightness, as I register the whole process that just happened.

It may be helpful to note that I used to fight this memory process too. I sort of step out of myself when it happens. Once, it happened when I was on my bicycle and I totally ate asphalt as I slipped into the memory, without thinking about it. Not safe when you are on a moving vehicle.

I digress.

It seems important though. Sometimes there is just a leap in consciousness, or it all comes together. Sometimes the burst feels sudden, but in hindsight, it has been brewing for a while. Maybe it is more like one minute you are noticing the road ahead of you level out, and then you see the curvature of a dip ahead of you, but you keep going, trusting the process.

End of the lesson tells us that we have the power to make things better. Often, this requires grit and effort, willing a better version of ourself to the present. It is hard to remember that the future self, they exist with you, at the same time. Sometimes that person is needed, now. Hard lesson to remember for sure, but even harder to learn the first time.

Thankfully, that self is firmly here and now. I am witnessing growth as though it is happening to someone else and it is really pretty cool. So far, I will take it as a win.

Maintaining the Manifest

It happens now and then... and when it does, I am the last to complain. Manic energy, assertive and active, screams masculine to me. I feel the spark of the flame and know this element of fire. I don't think about the risk, these days. I just go with my eye on the prize of whatever creation that will come of it all.

The last few years in Idaho has been a lonely and often non-motivated trudging existence. There was a lot to do, to get settled in. I guess that has been done, at least to a point. Now, the inspiration comes back, out of nowhere. Unexpected, but pretty neat. I love the feeling of being fueled by faith, watching synchronicities happen, and following the flow of the divine. To date, in my own life, I have usually found this to be a good and decent period.

• Creation to Date
  For the sake of transparency, I am working on being more mindful to record the processes of life. I feel compelled to do this, and so with that in mind, I will say that so far, the creation has been met with challenges. I am seeing progress pretty quickly though and I am finding that much of what I have been doing in recent years is finally skills that can work together.

My computer has been broken, the one for work... my day job. This means the job hasn't paid.

• Lesson Identified: Falling Back is A-Ok

As we grow, we gain skills. Falling back sometimes means reverting to previous lessons, utilizing those skills. Allowing for a change of direction isn't a failure. Stopping and resting is even okay, so long as it doesn't turn into stagnation. There is a fine line between these transitions though, so this is where we gotta pay attention!

I was able to use this burst of energy to start a new freelancing gig and completed it in just a couple of days. That covered some of my pay, but I am still a few weeks without. I keep expecting a freakout, because skirting this close to not having enough for rent normally would repel my brain, sending me into a state of emotional vertigo.

Nope, so far all clear!

• Food for Thought: Nothing is Guaranteed.
  There is no "set in stone" mantra or affirmation that will always work. This is why we are given multiple tools out the gate, when we are born. We are provided with opportunities for growth. Some lessons are harder, and some even still, insurmountable when first presented. However, the majority of us are blessed with conscious awareness, a tool that will almost always prove useful... even when disassociation and running away is the preferred plan of action. Awareness means that you are present, that you can catalog and jump into the driver seat when things start to veer off course.

However, I have found it helpful to learn to take those moments of assistance, the downhill portion, as a blessing. I could even say a welcomed break, at this point.

What is Next?

I have an idea... I have been building and things that should be working are not. There is no reason that my computer isn't really working, not that I can see. However, the struggle is real and money is needed. I am going to continue to build as inspiration sees fit.

You can listen to the first episode here: https://anchor.fm/mageatm/episodes/Gotta-Start-Somewhere-epapnm

Podcast Mastering

A few years ago, I helped to write a course on podcasting called Podcasting Mastery. The host of the program, as well as another podcast called Affiliate Buzz, has since passed away. RIP James Martell <3 He was a smart guy and an aweome mentor for learning all things about podcasting, training manuals and marketing through affiliate links and networking. What a guy! I learned a lot from him and have said for years that I wanted to put that all into action.

Took me long enough, but I am finally doing it.

As Luck Would Have It

As I was writing this, I got a text from another long-time client. He asked me to write a bunch of blogs. It is easy and enjoyable freelancing for franchises/franchisors/franchisees... essentially creating content to build business practices and a culture within a certain company market.

See, it goes to show that things sometimes will come together if you just let the universe work out the chaos. It is okay to go with the flow, and honestly... sometimes you have to. Patience and submission are two skills that I am grateful for, especially today.

<3

Thanks for Reading!

I know it has been a while! Thanks for the opportunity to create transparent goals and to hold myself accountable. <3