Thanks, @steemmatt for sharing your story.

I feel something of a kinship with your story, because I also grew up in a haunted house, because I've survived more than one thing that logic would say I shouldn't have, and because I've had help along the way from loved ones who had passed.

I detailed much of it in this post if you're interested.

I'm completely in agreement with @littlescribe that it was your devotion to your dad, and your forgiveness of him despite his abuse, that shows your strength of character. Bravo for coming through when most needed.

Having cared for my dad during his decline from Alzheimer's, and for my mother-in-law to a lesser extent during hers, I can attest to how hard it can be, and how much recovery is needed even between visits. It ain't for the weak of heart, that's for sure.

As for repairing the damage he did, may I suggest that you check out http://thework.com/en/do-work, which is Byron Katie's site, and offers simple tools to diffuse and detox our mindset even following years of harrowing abuse.

It is amazing, effective, simple, and works quickly. I highly recommend it, and she provides everything you need to do the work on the website, free of charge. I highly recommend watching some of the videos, because she has an uncanny way of cutting through the bullshit, straight to the heart of the matter, but doing so gently and lovingly, and often hilariously.

I have personally found it quite helpful . . . when I remember to use it. ;-)

Blessings to you, your mom and your extended family, and the best of wishes going forward in your life.

The worst is behind you. You got this!