The Large Hadron Collider is a device for awakening an Egyptian god

Rather than a multi-national cooperative to further our scientific knowledge of atomic particles, the Large Hadron Collider is in fact a multi-dimensional portal intended to awaken Osiris, the Egyptian god of death. This website explains how it works in further detail. We’ll take it as read that the author is a scientist.

n.b. Specsavers have a range called Osiris, too. Maybe they’re in on it?