THE EYEBROW BULLET WE ALL (HOPEFULLY) DODGED

Eyebrows are an amazing thing, aren’t they? They are the little patch of hair above your eyes that take you from looking like Lord Voldemort when they’re absent, to Beyonce/Mario Lopez when they’re present. Eyebrows can literally make or break your face, and that’s putting it lightly.

For a long time, eyebrows were the unsung heroes of the human face. Our Nigerian mothers would take an eye pencil and draw a line of sorts, over each eyebrow, instantly transforming them from “Mama Edokpolor” to “Sweetiekins slay” in the twinkle of an eye. In more recent times, however, mankind, most especially, the female category, seems to have realized the importance of these furry heroes, and gradually, eyebrow drawing has become an art form which every girl, and some guys, seek to perfect.

The craze has gotten so – well – crazy, that the God-given patch of hair is usually shaved off and redrawn in various shapes and forms, to achieve a required level of ‘fleekdom’ before heading out for various engagements. Some precision equipment that is used when drawing eyebrows these days would look right at home on an engineer’s desk, but then hey, we do what we have to do to look our best even if it requires a quadratic equation and the almighty formula.

With that being the case, however, there’s a thin line between ‘crazy’ and batshit, mouth-frothingly insane (an exaggeration, but you get my meaning). Yes, it’s a thin line folks, and some people tried to cross it, very recently.

Yes, I’m referring to the recently infamous 'Snake Xenzia’ brows.

It should be noted that the name is my own connotation, but then, come on, what else were we going to call those things? Squigglies? I think not.

See? I don’t think Nokia and the makers of Snake Xenzia would be very flattered by this guys.

Now, as a Nigerian, there are much better ways of showing your parents you might be possessed, than by drawing your eyebrows like that. You could simply stroll into the nearest synagogue with “I am possessed by Nkechi the Cobra girl” written on a placard and you would be promptly seen to. Those brows are just ghastly and a step too far.

Okay, yeah, you love Indomie and ramen noodles, but do you really have to represent that love on your face? Of all places?

I decided to keep this article short because, for the most part, we seem to have rejected and collectively evaded this eyebrow missile with our sanity and my faith in humanity, still intact. That being said, however, one still has to consider the possibility where, like the hydra of Greek mythology fame, this eyebrow craze was only just the beginning.

As with the hydra, what if we only cut off one head, only for another bigger, much worse head to sprout and replace it? What if we are soon to witness a plethora of increasingly disturbing eyebrow fashion trends that will leave the world a slightly less sane place with each reveal? Just what if?

But that’s not possible, right? We’re safe. Come on, what else are they going to do, braid their brows?

OH MY GOD!!!

Image source: Google