In my experience, it all depends on whom the other party is .. and whether they are willing to listen and understand!

Yeah, but still, when they dismiss whatever they say that upsets you as a joke, and sort of shift it to say something like it's your fault that you don't see it as a joke or you are the one who holds the grudge, or just simply deny that they have ever said those things, instead of simply owning it and apologising for that. It's understandable that people can have a bad day and, you know, take out their frustrations on those who are around. It's a bit cruel to say whatever shit things happened in their life is not your responsibility, especially to those you deeply care. But it's equally important or even more important, I'd say for them to understand why you are hurt and to simply say sorry. And of course, it goes both ways.