Sleepless Thoughts

I'm safe, I remind myself over and over again. My door is locked, my blanket is wrapped tightly around me. My dog snores softly at my side. Everything is good, everything is safe. But I find myself scared to fall asleep. My body is tense but heavy, ready to slip off into the void of Dreamland. But what do you do when Dreamland isn't as pretty as it sounds? Instead of being caught in a soft cloud without any cares, counting the stars as they brush against your skin.

You are tangled within the maze of memories, haunting and grabbing at you with every turn. These dreams are not just movies playing in my mind. They force me to relive every trauma, every failure, everything that has torn my heart and mind to shreds. These dark images laced with pretty smiles trying to convince you that the ones who caused you pain didn't mean to. Until you open another door and have to face the agony once more, twice more, never-* itemending. There is no relief. Even as you dig your fingers into your ribs and pull, cracking bones, ripping flesh, all in hope that there will be some release from the pressure suffocating your heart and lungs. If only it were that easy. If only I could fall asleep and dream of nothing at all.