SATURDAY NIGHT WITH ZIZY EPISODE 21
Goodevening ladies and gentlemen. It is another beautiful Saturday evening and you know what time it is. That's right. It is time for your favourite show, "Saturday night with Zizy" Episode 21. It is now an adult show..lol. it's been an awesome journey so far and tonight will not be any different. Fasten your seat belt and get ready for the fun ride. I am so excited to host another episode of this show and I am positive you are going to love it.
Last week on Saturday night with Zizy, I celebrated the 20th episode of the show and decided to take us down memory lane to when it all started. I talked about each episode and their peculiarities. I also gave us the opportunity to appraise the show or criticize it as the case may be and I was so elated at the accolades showered and the words of encouragement. Let me take the time out to say a big thank you to as many of you took your time to appraise the show both here on my blog and on discord. @dklef, @bookoons, @rebeccafl, @itoroarchibong, @eurogee, @surfyogi, @dubem-eu, @korexe, @ifeoluwa88, @afolwalex, @vickyrich, @samest, @imbigdee, @rosyblessing, @desmoniac, @adoore-eu, @eddie23 and @mizdhais. I want you all to know that I took every comment to heart and the topic suggestions shall surely be featured on the show one by one by God's grace.
Without much Ado, DJ play the music in jenifa's voice...LOL
RELATIONSHIP TALK WITH ZIZY
Nowadays, some relationships might stay secret until when it is time to take it to another level. On the other hand, some people do not hide their partner from their parents even at the dating stage. To some parents, they may allow you date a particular person but object when it has to do with marriage. When we love someone, we want our parents to also love and accept the person we have chosen. The desire for this kind of acceptance is only natural after all we know we need family during stressful times.
In Africa especially Nigerians, parents believe they have a major role to play in your choice of a partner. This is because we believe that your partner is not only married to you but the whole family. If you insist on going ahead as planned, they threaten never to see you again, treat you as dead, not give their blessings etc. This can be very demoralizing. The partner who is the focus of dislike may feel constantly under pressure to prove himself or herself worthy and of the efforts are not rewarded,it can soon turn into resentment and anger that spills into the relationship. If you and your partner are not clear about your commitment and the compromise you are willing to make, this can take a wrong toll on the relationship.
Some people do not care at all what their parents think and that is okay. They have their reasons and many are valid but for those who care about what their parents think, how do you navigate between doing what your heart desires but not loosing your parent's blessing. You want to make decision about your life but at the same time not miss out on the timeless wisdom of your parents. Remember, no one may have a better perspective about who we really are than our parents. Our parents may just be right.
In trying to make them see things from our point of view, we must not meet criticism with criticism. They have been there all your life. Clinging to their opinions helps them feel safe in this fast changing world. Do not take sides. It is not a game of who will win or lose. At this time, you must do your best to be understanding and if you must disagree, do so respectfully. Make it clear to them that turning down their request doesn't mean you do not love them.
Remember, you are the one who has to live with whatever decision becomes final.
How do you ensure you are making the right call?
Listen. Listening to your parents does not mean that you agree with what they say but it is okay to give them the benefit of doubt that their advice comes from a place of love and protection of you. Remember what your parents have seen and know are more than yours. Sometimes parents just want to feel like the have a say or want to be heard when it comes to some very important decision in your life. They have always supported you from infancy. It will be unfair to shut them up without giving them a fair hearing. Ask them to explain better while they feel the way they feel.
Initiate a conversation. This is the time to let them know you are mature and willing to talk on the topic of marriage with them. Ask them why they have issues with your partner. Do they have a good reason for their negative opinions? Do they feel your partner is controlling and do not respect you? Did your partner say or do something that upset them? If they don't have good reasons, it doesn't mean they are bad people. It might just be your dad's eccentricities or your mum's unrelenting desire to be overprotective. Other times it could be they are right and we are just too blinded by love to notice. You can also ask a friend to confirm if what your parents say is true. There is no way everyone will be wrong and you alone will be right. Do not expect your parents to embrace someone who has an addiction, is dependent on you, hurts you or treats you with disrespect. If they are giving you solid reasons then you need to do some thinking and make the right decision.
Is their complaints something you can live with? You have listened to them and had a deep conversation only to realise their complaints are baseless and are of shallow biases, it is okay to go ahead and make them understand why you must go ahead with the marriage. Perhaps you may need to involve some people you know they would definitely listen to. Go ahead and plan your marriage but before you you do so, make sure that you have the proper boundaries in place to protect your marriage from the influence of your parental relationship. Suggest they spend more time with your spouse. Do not crticize your spouse in their presence or criticize your parents in the presence of your spouse. You have to work hard to make sure they learn to love and accept each other.
Part of being mature and independent is the ability of our parents approval on our life's decision not making or breaking us. If your parent's influence always drives your opinions then it simply means your parents may have total control of your home when you are married.
Parents are inevitably always going to be more set in their ways and more traditional than their children. They aren't as liberal as we are and open to the ever changing world. If your parents insist on not accepting the situation, remember your first loyalty is to your partner. However, if you are not prepared to do that, it is only fair for your partner and you to end the relationship.
DATING TIPS
Let go. Stop holding onto something that your partner said or did six months ago and bringing it up each time you get mad at him. Do both of you a favour and let it go.
FUN CORNER
when is there peace in a relationship? When the woman is controlling the relationship or when the man is controlling the relationship?
DEAR ZIZY
Anonymous 1
There is this dude of mine who is apparently tired of being single. According to him, he wants to feel what love is. However, the problem is he can't seem to really like someone enough to enter into a relationship with them and he doesn't know how to fake feelings. He came to me asking for advise and I being someone who doesn't believe in love, I dont have an answer for him and I also don't want to make him like me, "the gang leader of fuck love association" so I would love to hear people's opinions so I can have a better advise to give him. Thanks.
Anonymous 2
Dear Zizy, please I have a problem. I and my girlfriend of two years broke up when we were about to start our marriage preparation because we found out we were both AS. I always believed I was AA because that was the result my father gave me as a kid so I never bothered to check again until recently. It was really a painful discovery because we both love each other so much and can't do without each other. We both understand we must part ways but the problem now is she says she must choose the person I would marry because she loves me so much and doesn't want me to fall into wrong hands. Now she is insisting I marry her best friend who is AA. I do not love this lady. She is a very nice person and caring and my friend too just like my ex but I don't want this. I still love her and she knows I will always do what she asks of me but this? Please help me.
CONCLUSION
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The issue of whether or not to listen to our parents when they don't approve our relationship is baseless in my own opinion. I feel that love surmounts everything and LOVE is simply just ENOUGH. No matter what it is that they base their disapproval on; his/her tribe, color, behavior, etc. If you who knows why you are in love with this person believes you can cope with them, then go ride ahead!
For one, I won't advise anybody to jettison his dearest heart desire(lover) simply because "mommy doesn't approve of it".
Momma and Dada has their lives to live just as you do have your own life to live. Go right ahead and fight for what you love. And that's of course after you must have tried to make your parents see reasons as to why you must continue with your relationship (lover).
Flash
I should also add that when you insist on doing the opposite of what they said and in the end it turns out to be a wrong course, never be ashamed to let go
It's life and being in a love makes us vulnerable. Vulnerability makes us human. Don't remain in an abusive relationship simply because your parents warmed you against it but you didn't listen And now you don't want to go back to your parents because "they warmed you". Get out of it and accept that you were wrong! It's not a crime to be wrong. And a journey after our hearts is worth more than diamonds.
It's Saturday night with zizy. And I welcome myself to the adult show. It's been a wonderful week for me, a work free one and I have had time to hand out with those that really matter to me. The rain has also refused to stop falling.
The issue of parents approval on who our partner should be is a controversial subject.
As individuals, we have a right to choose who we want to be with irrespective of what other people think about our choices.
On the other hand, our parents have always had a role to play in our choices and choice of partner cannot be excluded.
The tips you shared come in handy, I just hope we all choose the right people
My humble advice to the two anonymous guests
1: You have to give it time in your search for love. You are indeed tender in heart don't listen to whatever thought that says contrary. As long as you're human, you have feelings. It's only a matter of time and sincerity of purpose for you to transform into that romeo of the new ages. Hahaha.. You surely will adapt man! With time and deliberate effort
2: You can't be serious baba 😒😒😒😒😒 so you're trying to say that her attempting to choose for you means you can't say yes or no to her offer? Baba carry your wahala commot for my front jarey... 😞🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶
Wo ZiZy thank you so much for another bumper episode of the show. Aloha!
Nice Saturday once again. Always a beautiful show so needed in our world of today. So many issue and having a listening ear like you is too perfect for a solution .
To anonymous 1. Its all about fear.. Not normal fear but fear of unknown. You have to give your heart chance to love. Let it be open and it will get filled.
Anonymous 2. Its not easy. Like you want to see your ex happy but you can only make her happy by having your own happiness. Choose what you need and don't allow another to do it for you.
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Anonymous 1
It's normal to desire to live someone. My advice is don't put pressure on yourself just because your looking for a partner. Not everyone falls in love over night.
I'll advice he start by becoming friends with becoming friends with the opposite sex, you never know where some of these friendships could lead.
Anonymous 2
I'm really sorry about the situation you find yourself. It's a difficult situation. I'll advice against such a move because it doesn't always work out. You could get married to his best friend and not get over him which could lead to having extra marital affair, you may never feel comfortable been married to his best friend.
There is just a lot of ways this could turn out.
Just move on from Jim and find someone else outside his clique to avoid stories that touch.
Another great time out today! Well done love doctor.
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Dear zizy, this episode is dope. You nailed it again. Having parental consent before settling down with a man is not bad but often times it goes with some sort of selfish reasons. Sometimes they want you to marry someone who they think your future is sure by the man's wealth. Who says the poor one cant be rich tomorrow? Sometimes they become prejudiced by race, tribe or nationality. I thank God my parents didnt give me problems when i brought my guy home but they mandated that one of my brothers must marry a particular girl, even against his wish. Thank God their most cherished girl misbehaved later and together with the girl, they agreed that marriage cannot hold. My brother is very happy now with whom he eventually married. My brother would have been miserable if he went with my parents choice for him, the girl was a chameloen with many personalities but my parents saw only one side. Thanks dear. Your tips on solving the issues are appreciated. Dialogue is important. As a parent, when my girls are ripe for marriage, finding out the family background of the individual and getting to know his personality better is of paramount concern to me because some pretend and some people change. Thanks so much . keep pushing, your show is amazing and you are wonderful dear
Wow, @zizymena you keep presenting interesting topics in an interesting manner here, kudos and keep it going.....
To anonymous 1
Since he is tired of being single, let him get married na......lol
I think he may be looking for a non existing 'perfect woman' while there are lots on imperfections in him.
Anonymous 2
In as much as she is trying to do this out of love, she cannot choose for you who to marry.
She can offer advice as she has done already, you are not bound to follow her instruction because IT IS YOUR MARRIAGE
Good evening from this side!
And today's topic is a Ghenghen one.
Well in situations where your parents do not approve your partner, like you stated, get them to "Know your spouse" before they draw conclusions on what they think is best for you. Well, when I get to this bridge, I will leave the matter in God's hands. Lol...
Dating Tips - You're so right about this. It can be really annoying when you're trying to resolve a present issue but you keep referring to the past.
Fun Corner- LOL... I think both of them o
Anonymous 1
Hey Dear,its good to know you want to feel loved again. But don't push it. First of all, start by giving love genuinely. Quick Question : Do you have a female bestie, how did you guys click? If no, then hang around with the opposite sex. What are looking for in a Lady? You might not fall in love immediately with that lady you finally get comfortable hanging around with but just give it some time. Also find your own happiness, what makes you happy then let's look out for that lady that can make your world better.
Anonymous 2
Mmpphh... Is this the kind of story behind the 'Love is blind' statement? If yes, then please Uncle please receive Sight!!!
I feel so sorry that you both have to end a relationship as beautiful as yours but since you both are cool with moving on then MOVE ON WITHOUT HER INTRUDING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP LIFE!! Why should you settle down with someone you don't wish to love much more marry her. Take this or leave it, if you do marry her bestie, your ex will definitely be keeping tabs on everything that happens between both of you. If you want a monitoring spirit in your marriage then go ahead.
Its not going be so easy moving on without her but you have to. Find someone else that you will love genuinely. If your ex truly cares, she will let you make this decision all by yourself.
....@mizdais signing out....