The Truth About Harv - a Channel Announcement

Oh Tally Ho! I suppose by now you realise I'm the intellect behind Popcorn Lobotomy. Always have been, always will be, you see, dear boy?

Recently, I have received several electronic communiques addressing, enquiring about, or otherwise referencing Harv, the so-called "creator" who was previously in my employ to generate content for this channel.

I did think this was made perfectly clear in previous addresses, but I thought perhaps an updated reiteration might ram the point home, so to speak.

So... sigh... Here it is again, for the slow ones.

For quite some time now, Harv has no longer been "in the house" -- is that how the young one's express it? Harv has "left the building", so to speak. He made like a tree and branched out into a vast forest of unemployment.

In short, and in plain language, he split like a MK Ultra subject's core personality, never to be reassembled again. Capisce?

Now, the reasons and circumstances are quite frankly none of anybody's business, but for 2 or 3 of you who inexplicably consider yourselves "fans" and are holding onto the hope that you may one day see the resurgence of his Scathing Reviews, those awful Rap Reviews or heaven forbid his conspiratorial series "A Deeper Look", I will acquiesce to provide some transparency and elaboration.

You see... oh dear boy, I'll just say it... you see, there is no hope of Harv's resurgence, for the simple and inescapable fact that Harv... Harv is dead. There is no doubt, no grey area, and most importantly... no HOPE. I attended his burial myself. He is under the ground and will remain there for eternity.

I am, of course, as upset as a ridiculously tiny percentage of you might be, and I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but he's not coming back, and you'd do well to just forget him completely.

I mean, I apologise for saying this, but it's true. His legacy is hardly worthy of note, is it? It's full of fart jokes and insults levelled at perfectly nice celebrities and actors -- some of which are the sons and daughters of very good friends of mine.

And then there are the conspiracy theories. I guess it was on the cards all along, but toward the end Harv went more than a little loopy. He started saying things, and levelling ACCUSATIONS, to the extent myself and my associates wondered if it could upset the calm order of polite society.

It's really quite embarrassing, when you think about it. I mean, really? Talk of elites and agendas and alien plots... He was supposed to placating the masses with light entertainments and commentary about popular culture and blockbuster fare.

He was supposed to keep you focused on your stories and your media, not distract you from them with so-called "woke" revelations, and he quite simply didn't do his job, I'm afraid. So I fired him and yes he fell into depression and eventual suicide but that can hardly be blamed on ME, can it? He was probably just trying to Martyr himself and if that's the case he got exactly what he deserved.

It's not that I didn't have SOME fondness for the dear boy. I mean, for heaven's sake, I picked him up from the gutter and took him in and trained him, and made him the presenter that he was, flawed as that may have been.

If you have a look at his early work and what we had to start with, it's a miracle he was able to talk to a camera at all. I mean he was insecure and awkward and... in a lot of ways I was impressed with what he did. There I said it.

Now, elephant in the room. I'm aware there's a collection of "after-credit" scenes on some of my videos one of which depicts Harv being carried off in the trunk of my car. You'll notice it shows neither my face or Harv's and it was an embellishment of my editor, who was also summarily fired for his insubordination.

I'm relying on you, as a viewer, to be able to separate fiction from reality, and I hope you truly can. We've had enough tragedy and drama on this channel, and I just want to move forward.

And in that light, you may have noticed that I have added a new series to the roster, and a new host, and this is all in the service of honouring some of Harv's best work on this channel. Yes, I did enjoy... well... SOME of it.

Hencetoforth, we have resurrected Harv's series "Freeze Frame", the premise of which was to examine a small moment in a particular film and discuss how it affects the larger narrative. I have known Trendin Van Der Click for many years and hopefully you find him a refreshing change of pace, and, it almost goes without saying, a much more polished presenter than Harv ever was.

In his honour, though, you see. It's all in Harv's honour...

We also have young Orville back to resume his celebrity interviews, now that he has recovered from some minor alterations to his progra -- I mean alterations to his attitude. Yes his attitude.

You see, I was unhappy with how he treated Gwyneth Paltrow, who is a beautiful, generous and delightful philanthropist who is doing wonders for the health of well-to-do women's private parts everywhere.

We can't be treating our guest with such disdain, can we? It's good to see he has improved in his latest videos, and you can expect many fruitful contributions from Orville and his Honest Interviews show in the future.

Thank you for your ongoing support of Popcorn Lobotomy, and I hope you enjoy the gifts we have planned for you, for which, as I've said many times, you're very welcome.