Depression ... an enemy that kills you slowly

Hello friends, so as not to make my story long I tell you that since my adolescence I have suffered from severe depression, already diagnosed, with medication that I do not like to take since I feel that it stuns and slows my thoughts, (for me that is serious ... I'm a Systems Engineer) and the truth is a burden that we must carry who suffer from such ailments.

I'm not going to speak for others, since I'm not a psychologist or anything like it, but in my case depression causes me great pain and discomfort, I have trouble sleeping, concentrating, I feel a great sadness and loneliness (despite be surrounded by my family), I do not want to bathe or eat or do anything and I know that this is also a burden for those around me even though they deny it.

They say the studies and the opinions that have the support of family and friends ... so you have the widest of support no one knows or feels what you spend and there come times when the people who support you get fed up and claim that you must make an effort to improve ... an effort? Is it that I like to be like that?

The truth is that many times in which I seem jovial and happy ... it is simply a mask that hides my grief, I do not like that people see me badly, and that my friends, it is an effort so that others do not feel bad for me ... not for themselves. I know that I have my family unconditionally, but my friends ... are they really?, Sometimes I get the impression that they only treat me for some interest or benefit of my own and that my friendship does not matter to them.

I do not know how to explain it ... simply who suffers from depression can know ... and feel what this saddens, hurts, bothers and overwhelms, believe me when I say, and I repeat, I do not like to be like this, these phases can not be catalog as life. Sometimes I see my beautiful wife and my beloved daughter and I tell myself that they do not deserve to see me like that, and I get up and try to be normal in those moments, but the pain does not happen.

I just hope to improve soon, (I did not have an episode of depression for about six months) and not go through this again, I'm tired and I do not want to feel like that anymore.