Force to eat, punish, angry ... In the end, I do not understand what happens to the little ones. Many parents do not know what to do when they suspect that one of their children has an eating disorder. At the beginning, many choose denial, bearing in mind that it is impossible for precisely what is happening to happen. Because the role of parents in eating disorders is very complicated.

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This can not happen to their children, it is impossible for them to suffer from bulimia or anorexia. This attitude is counterproductive when there are well-founded suspicions because the denial can delay the diagnosis and complicate the intervention. Nor should we accuse them, fear is a common emotion and influences us all in one way or another. Visiting a doctor later does not mean that parents do not want the best for their children.

By the way, adolescence is a step that can be very difficult. The changes young people are experiencing can cause internal and external conflicts, and adolescents may feel that they can not find their place or find meaning in life. It is usual at this stage. Screams, arguments, lack of understanding, phrases such as "adolescent nonsense" and the instability that lasts over time, with the social pressure that often exists, cause many eating disorders to be diagnosed late. .

The role of parents in eating disorders is very complicated. As a first step, they must accept what is happening and then implement strategies that help their children.

Family dynamics and the role of parents in eating disorders

Several studies have analyzed the influence of family dynamics, and not only the role of parents, in eating disorders. Munichin et al., For example, in their publication Psychosomatic Families: Anorexia Nervosa in Context, tried to find common patterns in these families where at least one case of anorexia nervosa had been identified.

The results highlighted the family dynamics that generally prevailed. Some correspond to patterns of insecure attachment, overprotection, rigidity, lack of communication and participation of children in parental conflicts.

"11% of young adolescents are at risk of suffering from an eating disorder".
-Data of the Abb

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Similarly, another Selvini study, Self-Starvation, found that families with an anorexic daughter had the following characteristics:

Communication problems: we do not listen and we reject the communication of others.

• Parents do not assume responsibility or leadership.
• There are significant gaps in the relationship maintained by parents.
• The disappointment and lack of happiness in the relationship of parents are hidden behind a facade ill conceived, so that children perceive and participate in the problems of the couple.

These studies focused on anorexia; however, the information that has been discovered can be applied to other types of disorders, such as bulimia. For example, family dynamics and the role of parents in eating disorders are very important factors. But are there other factors to consider?

Why do eating disorders appear?

Making the family of young people suffering from eating disorders responsible only would be a mistake. Although, as we have seen, family dynamics and the role of parents are very important, it should be noted that young people can also suffer from an eating disorder in a family where the conditions mentioned above do not exist.

Another very common risk factor for many young people is the lack of good self-esteem. In addition, low self-esteem, especially when linked to body image, may be the most important factor in the development of the disorder.

"Since when did the search for perfection become something that causes us so much suffering?"
-Anonyme-

Disorders such as depression or bipolar disorder can cause young people to use the diet as a reward or systematic punishment; In the end, he establishes a diet that is harmful to his body, based on periods that alternate between forced feeding and great restrictions.

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The role of parents in eating disorders can be very difficult because adolescents can control themselves, stop communicating and give no reason. However, arguing, punishing and not understanding what is happening to them can make the situation worse. Therefore, it is important to know how to act during these difficult times.

The great support of parents in eating disorders

Parents can be a great support for any young person who has an eating disorder, just as they can be a burden that makes them even deeper if they do not do the right thing. These are the ones that are most likely to help because they know their children better: they are better able to detect the changes that occur, especially in the case of food. In one way or another, in case of doubt, it is better to consult a professional.

Once the evaluation has been completed and the diagnosis has been made, in the event that the parents are confronted with an eating disorder, the feelings of frustration and helplessness are normal. Parents may feel that there is no progress, that they are too slow or that things are not going in the right direction. They can even blame their son, without understanding that it is probably the child who is in the worst situation.

On the other hand, it is not uncommon for parents to endure rejection and continuous insolence because, very often, their child is not receptive to the measures taken for their own good. Therefore, it is important not only to go with a professional but also to explain things, to avoid falling into the temptation of treating a teenager as a child when he is not already.

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It is important that parents stay together, support each other and express their emotions. It is also important that they follow the standards established by the professional or that they change their professional status if they have doubts about it. In any case, it is forbidden to try to get out of this situation independently because, in most cases, the parents do not have the knowledge or resources to do so, even if they have very little I want and I am full of goodwill.

Another important rule for parents who must help one of their children with an eating disorder is not to make this disease the center of family life. Yes, it is important But the young person who suffers from this problem is much more than the problem itself. It is a person with dreams, hopes, feelings ... Not minimizing the "rest of life" is, in fact, very often the point of support to get out of this situation.

The opposite position is not in the standards guides for parents either. When the young person does not respect one of the established rules, it is necessary to open the dialogue and close it so that it does not repeat itself. This exchange should allow to correct certain things and also motivate the young person. The objectives are: to guarantee that the adolescent gets involved in the process and that he abandons this exchange with enough motivation to do so. We can not let him give up. This is not an option.

As we have seen, the role of parents in eating disorders is very important. They are a cornerstone for your child's future and they are forced to seek the help of a professional because the challenge they face is extremely complicated. The professional is first necessary for the evaluation and, if there are confirmed doubts, for the intervention. It is a long process, even with the help of a doctor, and it requires patience, intelligence, love and willpower. We wish good luck to all those who are going through times like those we have described.

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