On Being An Empath

Labels are a bit of a double-edged sword. On one hand, being able to clearly communicate an idea with brevity of language serves a great purpose in our society. When we look to grow, support or connect, being able to use words to point towards a sense of self is helpful towards these ends. On the other hand, our lizard brain has a certain penchant for measuring that language against prior learning, exposure and experience. In other words, your neocortex will look for a pattern and measure it against existing known patterns. We then typically exhibit a conditioned response based on this judgement (I like or don’t). These labels then become a hindrance to growth, support and connection. So I'd like to share my thoughts on my experience being an empath.

At a basic level, empathy has been defined as the ability to put yourself in someone else's shoes. I believe that most people possess this ability on some level. Voguing narcissism aside, most seem to me to lack exposure, understanding and/or practice. Recently, I've read several articles talking about being an empath. Most relegate it to some sort of angst ridden, over-feeler that can read your mind, your heart and your soul. Readers are then warned that empaths can stand nothing but pure authenticity, transparency and deep connection. Those articles are doing more harm than good as that is only one narrow view of a human empathic experience. Not only that, the implications of power that empaths possess over others is misleading.

Being an empath, as I've experienced it, goes much deeper than this. I actually feel what others feel. I have narrowed it down to something I experience in my gut area*. My mind then immediately does what it does best, find a pattern and judge the information. I can't turn this reception of information up, down, off or on. I seem to merely be able to discipline myself to control my choices in response. As an extreme extrovert, I have sought others' approval for most of my life. Given my empathic abilities, in conjunction with this severe lack of self love, I would typically misrepresent, manipulate and/or be inauthentic in general. I have had to learn the hard way about how to feel into what's mine and what I authentically want to experience. I am still practicing several tools I have learned to gain greater control over my humanity.

A great tool I like to share, like most, is quite simple. Seek to understand. If you are an empath, take a breath before responding to ask what the other person is feeling. Just because I may feel exactly what you are feeling doesn't mean that I know. Others typically have different word associations, meaning making and/or stories around the way they show up. This causes us to have different choice paths as we move forward. So, I propose that we all move towards a practice of greater connectivity with self care then graciously seek to understand others as we look to serve in creating a better world.

• I'd be remiss to not mention discoveries of neural networks in human gut systems that report to the brain through the vagus nerve. More here.