Feeling Lonely? Ask Yourself This Question:

"How am I the same as ________?"

I'm not a fan of plagiarism, so the advised question above was pulled from one of my favorite YouTubers, Teal Swan. You can check out her channel with this link here: https://www.youtube.com/user/TheSpiritualCatalyst

You know that feeling where you're in a crowded room but you still feel alone? You think to yourself: I just don't relate to any of these people. You put up a wall in front of yourself. Then, if you're aware of that wall, you get frustrated with yourself for putting one up. Why do I shut people out even more when I feel lonely?

In my experience, the reason why I put up a wall is so that I may have control. Sometimes, control is more comfortable than running the risk of possibly connecting with someone. As a Virgo, I look at life analytically and logically (most of the time). So if this were a probability equation, isolating myself and putting up a wall equals a 100% chance that I will not feel rejected, excluded or judged. Personally opening up to someone (or for me, a riskier situation is going to a public event where I don't know anyone) there is maybe a 50% chance I'll create a lovely connection and a 50% chance that I'll feel like an alien from outer space. Therefore, purposefully keeping myself guarded is guaranteed to give me all the power and control over the situation. What a terrible thing, isn't it?

[Here's me sitting on my porch, avoiding people.]

So, is there a way to fix this? Perhaps. Let's talk about the "Ego." If everyone and everything in existence is connected as one whole being, what would you call the separation between you and me? Some spiritual gurus will say that that separation is an illusion, and it is called THE EGO! Ego is the illusion that everything is separate. It is an opinion of yourself in comparison to others. As you've probably heard in popular culture, The Ego is the voice that says, "I am the hottest piece of ass here, I tell you HwHAT." That separates you from others, because if you are the "hottest", that leaves others to be in the "less hot" category. AKA: separated from you.

Now, I'm not saying separation is a bad thing. The ego can be a great thing! It helps us learn new things and grow. It keeps us entertained at best. But it is the very thing that keeps us feeling lonely. It's that empty pit in your chest.

So, when I ask the question, "How am I the same as _________?"...it simply helps me recognize connection. The "oneness." Finding someone with similarities feels like coming home.

Here's one example you might be able to relate to.
Living with my big sister used to be my own personal Hell. I was terrified to spend time with her. School was my safe place. Everything I did around her was punished or criticized. It didn't matter how big or small; My existence simply infuriated her. But...I never tried to understand it. I never asked her what was wrong. I certainly didn't ask the question "How am I the same as my sister?" Why would I want to relate to such a monster? It never crossed my mind that we could have anything in common. I hated her. She hated me. That was that. We shared a very small room and grew up in a toxic environment together.

This would seem hard to believe now if you knew her. She's as sweet as a peach and very well-tempered. Now we go out for drinks together. We even live in the same neighborhood. You could even say that we're...GASP friends?!!

How did this happen? We discovered our similarities. Even as kids, when we formed a bond together it was because we were both mad at our parents. Not the nicest way to bond, but the theme is that we had something in common. Although on the outside we seemed to be children from polar opposite sides of the galaxy, we have many of the same thoughts. Even if they are just small things, they are unique to us. The way we notice how some people get easily offended by a specific kind of humor; our curiosity towards that one thing men do; wondering if we inherited that trait from mom; and etc.

Now that I'm able to talk to my sister about what's going on in my life emotionally, and she can do the same, I actually like her as a person. I understand why she has so many friends. I understand why she is in a loving relationship. I understand why she has a successful job. She's not a psychopath set out to destroy my life...she really just a regular human being, trying to do her best in life. Most of us are. I don't feel like such an alien in my family anymore because I'm constantly asking the question, "How are they like me?"

Here's another scenario. This one is still tough for me to tackle. Let's just say it's fresh. JEALOUSY. Jealousy and envy are also part of the Ego. It's another separation situation (say that 5 times fast). Being jealous is the feeling that someone has something you don't. There was this girl I stalked ahem followed on Facebook. She used to date a guy I had a crush on. At one point, he told me he couldn't see me anymore because I reminded him of her. Obviously, I had to go find out who this chick was, right? To my dismay, she was like me. Except "BETTER." In many ways. Her hair. Her skin. Her smile was out of this world. She was a knockout. I thought I had pretty eyes, but not like that. Not only was she "prettier", but she had her life together and it was looking pretty amazing (according to Facebook). You could tell she was intelligent and intellectual af. Poised, yet fun. Lighthearted, yet passionate. I'm using quotation marks around these comparison words like "prettier" now, because I don't believe them anymore. Why do I not believe she's a better person than me anymore? TAKE A GUESS!
"How am I the same as this dude's ex?" Well...in all the ways I just described. Just because someone has something, doesn't mean its taken away from the rest of the world. I too, have nice skin and hair. Thanks to my genius orthodontist, my smile is fantastic. I am also poised, yet fun. Lighthearted, yet passionate. Intelligent and intellectual AS FUCK...when I want to be. Once I realized this was a girl with real emotions, dreams and fears like mine, I didn't feel so jealous. In fact, I ran into a situation where someone who knew her was talking some shit about her and I was ENRAGED. I thought I would have loved to hear some smack talk on this lady, but I really didn't. I just wanted her to be happy.

The more I practice this question, the easier life becomes. I don't feel so lonely.
Dissolve separation: Dissolve the ego. Find the similarities, babes!!!

I would love to hear any stories or experiments from you guys trying out this question. It could be a blanket, your mother, your significant other, your boss, your crush, a pet, a tree, anything.

"How am I the same as _______?" Let me know in the comments! Thank you <3