What makes a great Coach?

Can I be honest with you?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately: what makes a good teacher/mentor/boss/coach/partner is that they push you further than you think you can go, but to a place where they already know you can go.

Sometimes they will underestimate you, and it’s your job to prove them wrong. Sometimes they will ask too much, and it’s their job to recognize that and apologize.

But ideally, they know who you are, where you are, what you’re capable of, and when you’re capable of it. They know why it’s important that you do the thing, and how you're going to do the thing, even if they don’t share that information with you.

Why honesty isn't always the best policy?

Honest people don't think about honesty, because it naturally is them. ...

“To be honest” means “ I normally lie, but in this moment I'm going to tell the truth”. And what that should say to you is “question everything they say whenever the don't say to be honest.”

Whether you’re getting it off your chest, venting, expressing yourself, airing your feelings or “just being honest," the truth about honesty is that honesty is not always the best policy.

What’s more, continuing on the path of full disclosure can actually put a permanent closure on your relationships!

The reality is we don’t need knives or guns to mortally wound those closest to us.

Words cut like knives and it’s easy to bury your relationship with the verbal cuts of a “truthful” tongue.

The truth is honesty is often a veiled form of self-indulgence.

What do I mean by self-indulgence?

In a nutshell, when feelings build up, it’s frustrating to “sit” on them. And, of course, it feels damn good to release them.

That feel good sensation is a form of gratification. When we dump emotional turds on others, we are flushing our relationships down the toilet.

It’s a sad fact that our education at home and in school doesn’t include teaching us how to manage our angry feelings.

Since intimate relationships trigger negative feelings, this means most of us are mistreating the people we love most by lashing out and even verbally killing those we supposedly love in various obvious and symbolic ways.!

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While we may feel temporarily relieved when we shoot off rounds of honesty, we pay a terrible price for this temporary satisfaction, as we harm our relationships and our own self-esteem.

The good news is you can make the decision to change the way you handle your angry feelings; to consider what you say before you speak, to ask yourself how the other person will feel before you say or do x, y or z.

To consider whether what you intend to say or do will be helpful and constructive to the other person and your relationship or not.