My Happy Place and How I Get Out of An Emotional Hole
I am going to my happy place today! In this post I am responding both to two prompts:
@ecoTrain's question of the week
ecoTrain Question Of The Week: How Do You Get Out And Stay Out Of An Emotional Hole?
and
@FreedomTribe's challenge:
The Happiness Steem Challenge – Creating HAPPINESS for Hungry Indigenous Venezuelan Children – LOADS of STEEM prizes to be Won! @freedomtribe is generously sharing 50% of the prize pool with @LittleDisciples to help indigenous children in Venezuela.
I get into emotional holes all the time.
Quite frequently. I am glad to say that the intensity and duration of my emotional holes has gone down a lot over the years and they are much more manageable. I say thankfully because I had built a habit to be in a sad or angry place when I deal with challenges in my life from a fairly young age.
Truthfully it took me a long time to get to a better place emotionally. I always had faith in myself that I could achieve happiness, no matter how far away it was, and I think that was the biggest key or lucky point. But often it seemed near impossible in the worst times.
People that were extremely happy often disgusted me when I was in a bad mood. Contrasting myself to them made it even more obvious how down I was. If someone told me smile even if I was not happy, I did not want to because I knew it was fake. But anyways I faked being happy or being alright all day long on the days that I was not happy.
In retrospect I see value in that advice. But what really works for me is consistent belief in myself and consistent work at being happy. Being happy shouldn't be work, but for someone that is in the habit of being not happy, for whatever reason, it feels like work.
I had trouble expressing unhappiness because I never learned to express it to those that were closest to me when I was in my formidable years. I hid my sadness and anger within. And so the source of my sadness and anger became hidden even from myself. I knew I was sad but did not know how to talk about it with myself. Like where it really came from.
Breathing is how I get out of an emotional hole
Typically when I am the most sad or the most anger or the most anxious I end up feeling suffocated. I feel panicked. Forlorn. Desperate. Ready for it to end.
If I am so sad that I am ready for it to all just end end, I know now that is a sign that I am ready to switch off the sad part of me and switch on the happy me, but I might not know how to make the switch from sadness to happiness.
Part of my unhappiness was rooted in not feeling accepted and part of the reason I didn't feel accepted was because I didn't know how to express myself emotionally. So I held myself back from being happy.
Eventually I learned that I could share my feelings, no matter how much I stuttered and no matter how stupid or naked I felt, no matter how much I cried, I could let out some of the darkness into the light.
The effort was really slow and painful but even when I did not want to admit it out loud, it felt good to let those feelings out. Slowly and with practice and suffering through my awkwardness I was able to get better and better to the point where it is not as big a deal to let my emotions out.
The tricky part is that I also had to learn how not to turn this into a complaining fest and learn from myself how to improve, how to love myself more, how to communicate with emotional intelligence.
It sure helps to have a trusted family, friend or loved one to share with that is not judgmental.
Breathing is my happy place
When I am happy I notice that I am breathing really well. I breath deeply and fully and am feeling confident and full of love. When I am happy breathing comes naturally.
I have a few happy places, and coincidentally they go hand in hand with helping me breath well.
In the Garden
I love being in the garden and even when I am really sad going here helps me feel at least a little better, if not a lot. It helps that being in the garden gets me moving from place to place, plant to plant, bending over and moving my body which helps me breathe easier. It is easier to forget about my worries while I am in the garden.
Running or Walking
These are some of my favorite ways to move my body. I always appreciate walking or running when I am down or angry because the scenery moves past me and it helps put problems behind me, even if it is just temporary.
Tai Chi
I have picked up Tai Chi and Chi Gong the last few years and have found that it really helps me find peace and focus on my breath. It helps me be more present and forget about the past and future, at least for a little while. I love it the way many people love yoga.
Being in Nature
Nature is the best. She is always forgiving, always forgiving, always a friend. If I can be in the forest or around water or both that is ideal. There are chemicals released by trees that help induce happiness and I heard recently that spending regular time in the forest not only lifts your mood but also boosts your immunity and those effects are residual. And I also absolutely love moving water because the sound is relaxing and peaceful and the moving water helps pull my worries away and down stream or down river. The water helps pull the tension out of my muscles. I take deep breaths with the water and feel that flowing water flow through my lungs and pull out the anxiety. At least for the very moment I can let go of my problems.
With practice, finding peace comes easier and more often. I am proof of that. Now that I know it is possible I also know that I will keep getting better, and that thought makes me smile.
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What a great post! Breathing is the root. The controlled breathing I do most often is singing. Even just five or ten minutes of full immersion in singing is like an entire hot bath for the soul :) Conscious of breath is conscious of life. Love - Carl
Thats a great advice :) I can see that singing or using our voice in different ways can help with exercising our lungs and send those vibrations down our spine when we hit certain tones .
It's funny how things like not feeling accepted as a child can shape your whole life.
I'm so happy you found a way to break that cycle and find happiness and the ability to express your emotions.
From other posts I had read of yours I had admired the work you had done on yourself and how you keep moving forward and things get better.
Love all your happy places!
May you continue on being happy and peaceful!
Thanks for sharing!
I appreciate your recognition and encouragement. Thank you!
I love you. You are one of the most beautiful people I know. Your humble, open and giving nature is such a gift to the world. I recognise parts of your story in my own. Breathing in, breathing out. And soon a little one, which is going to shift things again for you in remarkable ways. You are going to know love like no other xx
I love you too @riverflows! I'm glad to resonate with you, we are all breathing together on this planet :)
this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story, of how you have grown into the wonderful person you are today.We carry so much with us from our childhood, we see the world through our parents eyes for a while and mimic how they cope. I am so glad that you tapped into your inner power, your self love. That is what carries us, that is where true acceptance lies.
Breathing is so important, I often think of how few of us actually take the time to breathe probably. Thank you for the reminder, breathe out pain, breathe in love.
Much love to you xx
Thank you @trucklife-family - you beautiful soul :)
That NOW space where we simply BREATHE and we are instantly connected to one another, to life, to ourselves. Yup - that's an amazing happy place to be! Thank you @sagescrub for joining BOTH challenges together sooooo elegantly, and for being an outstanding leader in our steem community. Humbled.
Any support you can give to encourage more entries to the Happiness Challenge will grow the donation we are able to make to the indigenous children of Venezuela.
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Thank you Artemislives - you are always so supportive :) I appreciate you!
Although our circumstances are different I can relate to your struggles, I've been there (I am there) and I appreciate you sharing such an honest post, stories like this can help to change lives, by giving hope to others.
I am fascinated by Tai Chi, I used to watch a group practice while I slogged away on the treadmill too shy to pursue it. I totally regret that. I wonder if it's something you can teach yourself at home? (I can't justify the long drive to town for classes - nor do I think there are any around here).
Thank you, it is nice to relate and follow our individual healing journeys together :) I am glad to see your hard work is also paying off!
The question about Tai Chi is better asked to an expert, but here is my opinion:
I am somewhat reluctant to suggest practicing tai chi from video and without a teacher because there are many intricate corrections and insights that I receive from my teachers that I would never have known otherwise. Also there is risk of building bad habits in terms of my body's structure (akin to bad habits lifting weights that could result in injury later on).
That said I have never tried to learn by video or online and my teacher has tons of youtube videos and I'll share the link with you in case you are interested to peruse them and I think you could get a lot out of these free teachings (they are not in order, so beginning videos are mixed with advanced): https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0095908C722CF844
If your goals are relaxation, stretching and breathing I suspect that qi gong might be a practice to consider pursuing by video. I am not qualified to say for sure, but I think qi gong might be easier to excel in without a teacher's close eye.
If you are curious to talk to him I could put you in touch and he would have a much more informed answer for you!
Thanks for all the information, I really appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts on this. I'll watch some videos and look up qi gong as well, just to see how I feel about it all. I really am itching to try something new! :)
I think you would enjoy it :) Tai chi and chi gong are very peaceful. I have the best balance I have ever had in my life thanks to tai chi and better understanding of how to use my body while putting less pressure on my joints... something that will come in handy as I get older.
Innnnn.... ouuuttttt... breathing innnnnnnnnn.. and ouuutttt! Thanks for reminding me to breathe! Beautiful post .x
Breathing...such an automatic thing, yet when we actually stop for a moment to notice it, it's surprising how calming and centering it is. Maybe it's a reminder of life and it's importance to life. There is little else in this world more important than breathing to keep us alive.
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I appreciate you tackling both of these challenges in one post, as they go together so well. Thank you for sharing some of your story. I have a loved one who seems to be stuck in quite an unhappy place for some time now, so it heartens me to know of others who have made their way through. Even though I tend to have a fairly positive disposition, some days it is still work to push aside the negative and truly embrace happiness. Breathing really can be so centering, so thank you for the reminder to focus on it not just when in meditation or my own running, but throughout the day, as well!
It is so interesting to read of how each one has their own technique of getting out of the Emotional Hole and the different ideas of the Happy Place. Nature is always very soothing and relaxing, it can uplift you from no matter whatever turmoil you are going through. Complementing your Breathing therapy with the happy place I am sure it works wonders.