I work to dismantle patriarchy
because patriarchy hurts me and my friends, too.

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Such read the bumper sticker of a good male friend of mine. He had caught on to something that even gave me, a woman who has studied patriarchy and been a part of feminism, ah Aha moment! For patriarchy does not just hurt women and children, it hurts men, too.

If men are benefitting from this, how can it hurt them too?

First off, let me answer the second question in this #ecotrain Question of the Week, Is patriarchy more than a society led by men? One may think that in the hierarchical societal structures, those “on top” or “in charge” would benefit the most, but what if that very system is damaging to them too?

I wholeheartedly believe this is so and here’s why.

Patriarchy is not only a ten thousand+ year old human hierarchy where male bodied people rule in the society and home, it is a set of beliefs and principles concerning Value and Worth. It prizes strength over vulnerability, thinking over feeling, order over chaos, rigidity over fluidity, knowing over curiosity, dominance over cooperation, force over consent, etc. In and of themselves these traits are not bad, but, as we see in our world, they become violent and oppressive when not balanced.

We can look at this like the yin (feminine) and yang (masculine) principles. Yin is yielding where yang is active. Action, movement, choice, decision is needed in the world in order to manifest anything. The part that patriarchy, which overvalues these traits, has left off is the abundant wellspring from which these come forth. What I mean is that, in a world where Doing, Activity, Certainty etc has taken center stage, it leaves no room for the other aspects of ourselves and it is these very aspects that Feed the actions. Without Feeling, Curiosity, Nurturance, Fluidity, Dreaming and Space -- Activity, Control, Thinking are empty, lost and leading toward destruction. This is how Patriarchy, as a set of Values leaning out of balance in one direction, is destroying the world.

Patriarchy feels like a super big subject to write about and honestly I’m having trouble putting my finger on it and I feel that it’s difficult to pin down, encapsulate, even articulate.

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As Ani DiFranco sings about patriarchy,

It’s as easy as breathing to participate.

What this tells us is that Patriarchy is the Way Things Are; it is the backdrop to our lives and no one questions the backdrop. Of course, I say this growing up in the West, but I’m guessing that wherever you are from in the world has also been effected by Patriarchy.

Okay so you may be saying, I’m still not clear on why it hurts men, too.

This is the crux of the problem. Men appear to be in charge in patriarchy, but really they are also being ruled and ruined by it. This is because the set of operating procedures is broken. Their essential humanness is being robbed from them when all of us are told to value masculine characteristics over the feminine. Without balancing the feminine and masculine aspects of being, we are all broken and damaged. Patriarchy not only is imbalanced, it in fact is violent toward and vilifies the feminine.

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We see this is in the way women are treated the world round. Our bodies have been treated like property and we still see this as Republican lawmakers in the United States believe they get to decide what goes on in a woman’s womb. Viagra and other masculine-supporting drugs are supported by insurance, but oftentimes birth control, abortion (even after rape) and menstrual products are not. Menstrual supplies are in fact highly bleached commercial products made from companies ruled by men that are damaging to the women’s system. The majority of women have male doctors help them during birth and many women have difficulties with their wombs resulting in reproductive issues at endemic proportions. This is all connected.

A Father, in fact, still “gives away” his daughter at her wedding ceremony. You may say, but that’s just a symbol. I disagree, I think it is The Way Things Still Are. A Father does not own his daughter or have the right to give her away.

The Bible takes this a step further and tells men to Lord over their wives and furthermore tells women to submit to their husbands as they would to God. The Church and other leading religions of this day and age and their texts, mores and values are simply a symptom of the larger Patriarchal air that we all breathe.

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Okay so this is about what Patriarchy is, now we can address this aspect:

Is it more a society led by fear and a feeling of scarcity?

I will start this section off briefly paraphrasing a myth I heard once.

When the world was created, women were the ones naturally in charge. They had the powers of creation, after all, and everything came from their bodies. They were revered. The men were valuable, of course, but women carried the great Mystery in their wombs and this set them apart and caused natural wonder at the miracle of life that moved through them.

One night the women were sitting around a fire. They started talking about the men and, wanting to boost them, decided to share some of the leadership with them. They realized that the men would never know the powers of creation in the same way, so why not give them a semblance of power and let them lead the societies? This was within their power to do as the women had been understood to be the natural leaders.

After the men were given leadership by the women so long ago, they knew that they could never have the powers of creation flowing through them. They knew that they couldn’t give birth so they generated Creation stories where the Male gives birth to all things. They abused the leadership and subjugated the very ones who they once revered. They took their physical strength and used it to dominate and create a system of control in which they could secure power.

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Built on this premise, there is the feeling of lack and the resulting overcompensation to be overly dominant. To suppress the feeling aspect of themselves and to regain “control”, they dominate the ones who are stereotypically more feminine & feeling-oriented.

The last thing I want to do is pit men and women against one another through my writing. This myth to me hits on something that I believe is at the core of the system of Patriarchy: whenever there is a “top” to be at (in a hierarchy), there’s always a place to fall from. Whenever there is a vying for power, someone will be subjugated. In this model, there is a scarcity of power and a fear of losing it. Whenever these are motivators, we will see people do whatever it takes to keep their position. It then becomes a battle in the oppressor's mind, no matter how unconscious or ingrained it has become.

It is not my goal to cause more separation in bringing these patterns to light. However, there is also in me the feeling of the vigilante and the powerful voice within that knows it is time to change. In many ways, this imbalance points to other injustices and equalities in our human systems. There is a powerful meme I found relating to White Supremacy and I think it is analogous here.

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Just like people of color cannot dismantle the systems of oppression alone that have been held up by white patriarchal culture, it will take all of us to dismantle patriarchy and I wholeheartedly believe it's in all of our best interest to do so.

When it comes down to it, men benefit in the outer systemic power structures in our cultures due to Patriarchy. Patriarchy is not only the “rule of men”, but also of masculine-leaning principles that are violent toward men themselves. As hit on earlier, these imbalanced masculine principles are the same that tell men not to cry, to be cut off from their emotional aspects, to make fun of & delegitimize feelings. This creates humans who are out of balance and, from that place, are creating great destruction.

This hatred and suppression of these characterizes, which are dubbed as feminine and which the female symbolizes, causes woman herself to be suppressed, violated, hated and pushed down. Patriarchy is the valuation of the male form, thought, and ways of being. Women, then, and “the feminine” are encouraged to play their role within the patriarchy which is a limited and suffocating and minimizing role.

Within this system, it is the masculine characteristics that are dominant and we have learned that in order to succeed, we must take on these characteristics. The resulting lack of rest, nourishment, and listening to the body is par for the course. In our cultures, I believe there is a resurgence happening that is balancing these longstanding unhealthy patterns.

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In following articles we’ll address matriarchy and thoughts on healing and shifting this dominant paradigm that hurts all of us. As a feminist, I believe in equality and recognizing the strengths and inherent worth in each being. There is a feminine voice that is rising up in each of us, asking to be heard. In fact, as the earth has been treated so poorly by humans to the point of being on the verge of systemic collapse because of our actions, it is absolutely time incorporate the feminine values into our beings, families, places of work, worship, leadership, and indeed our entire world.

This week the passengers of the #ecotrain wrote on this entrenched and complex topic. At times I found it very difficult to articulate my thoughts on this subject and indeed it takes many different points of view to do it justice. @eco-alex has compiled all of our reflections into an article. Please hop on over and read the other posts.

If you found my reflections challenging or you want to add different points of view- feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments and I’ll do my best to respond to each of them. Women who have felt the negative effects of patriarchy our entire lives may have differing reactions to this from denial, to rebuttal, to anger and sadness or confusion. Men may think this article is an attack or may find themselves just opening up to these viewpoints for the first time. It’s a common thought that feminists are “against men” and I hope this article reaches deep enough to shed light on the fact that feminists (men and women) speak out against this unjust system that hurts all of us.

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Patriarchy does not equal Men and it hurts all of us. I hope you leave this article with that in mind.

Also, I want to make note on the use of the binary gender roles, male and female, that I used throughout this article. It’s an antiquated, limited way of expressing our beings and complete natures, but I have used those terms for the sake of clarity. Patriarchy indeed hurts all of us on the gender expression and especially those of us who identify as queer, transgender, etc. It’s my hope to make space and inclusion for all of these expressions as we evolve as a human family.