A Very Good Boy's Guide to Christmas™🐾 So You Don't Get Confused by the Big Red Man or the NoPeeTree
Hey, frens! If you didn't know, it has been the Christmas time these last few weeks. I've been heckin' busy doing a help for lady with all the things! This is my second Christmas, so I'm an expert now. Let me teach you all about it.
Before I chose lady hooman, I spent winter time in the snow. Now, don't get me wrong, frens — I heckin' love flying around and jumping into piles. But snow time meant business time for the hoomans who kept me there, making me and my doggo buds pull things. Like, all. the. time. They'd sit around, and make us do a pull. What is that, frens? That's not fun or fair. So I made a choice that I wasn't going to do a pull any more. No way. Heck. Once I stopped working, they just left me on a chain. Pull, or do a heckin' stand around all day. UGH, HOOMANS, WHY? They didn't want me, and things weren't looking great. I ended up doing a choose on lady hooman, and now I live with her...no doing a pull! (Unless she is doing a slow and holding me back from suppressing the squirrel menace; then there is dragging.) Right, so. Point being: Christmas time like a Very Good Boy™.
There is a not-tree in the house. Frens, don't pee on this tree.
Why would you get indoor plumbing and then only decorate it? I don't know, but it appears to be hooman tradition. So, the first point of Christmas: The NoPeeTree and the Don'tChewBalls. (Have all of the things you like, Murphyno... but don't actually have them. HECK!) As I mentioned before, make sure you do a heckin' good sniff on the not-tree. It's isn't like outside ones, but squirrels are danger smart, frens, and better to do a careful. After that, your hooman will put the Don'tChewBalls on, and they hang right in front of your face! I get why lady likes these. Heck, they're like fancy versions of the best toys! Even though you could do a chomp and take them easy, only look. If you only look, you will be a Very Good Boy™, like me. Check! ✅
The Big Red Man will probably try to gripper grabst you.
I heckin' love to meet new frens, but the big red man is pretty confuse. I don't want to tell lady hooman... but each time I meet him, he is actually someone new! I know lady can't do a sniff like me, so I don't say anything to do a wreck for her. He comes only in winter time, and hoomans love to do a picture of him. If you're a Very Good and Very Cute doggo or catto, they will want to do a million pictures of you with him, near him, near the not-tree — heck, you name it, they will do a put on Snootbook. Anyways, even though you and I know the big red man is doing a trick, I did a verify he is not a bunch of squirrels in a suit doing a dastardly bamboozle, so it's okay. This is part of our job, loyal doggo frens. Hoomans need this joy in their lives and it is an honor to be extra cute to help, even thought it is heckin' weird. Lady squealed so much when the red man told me I'm the most handsome pupper. (Hoomans also like to do a heckin' obvious, it seems.) Try not to do a bork even when he holds you funny, and do a big smile; the hoomans will do a heckin' excite over you and you will get SO many treats. They will all say you are definitely a Very Good Boy™! ✅
Hooman Christmas is all about paw covers and outfits.
Everything at this time gets a special outfit. Doggos get hats and sweaters and booties and collars and bells and silly things. They do a put on pupper and catto heads with antlers and puffs and snowflakes and red man hats. I believe this might be some ritual to do an acknowledge of our superiority with ceremonial garb, frens, but that's just a working theory.
Hoomans are obsessed with paw covers. I do not know why; it seems archaic and kind of pointless because they put the paw covers UNDER bigger and heavier paw armor? They hang the paw covers on the wall and put not-paws in them. They give each other paw covers. Sometimes Christmas time is heckin' one-dimensional, frens. (Then again, hoomans think doing a sit is a trick... we just have to be nice to them when they are a bit dense, frens. It is part of the Very Good Boy™ code. ✅ )It also seems like the more the paw covers do an embarrass, the better. I mean, look at this, frens:
I heckin' love lady, but if she leaves these paw covers out, I will practice squirrel chomping on them... heck yes, I will.
You have all the best tips now. You will be a Very Almost Expert at Christmas next year! You're welcome, frens. Also, we did a heckin' neat thing:
I did a heckin' trade with my SBDs, frens! I ordered the brace for my sister, and we are just doing a big excite waiting for it to get here. I hope she will do a better walk so I don't have to be nice and wait so much. We need to stop the squirrel forces from digging up hidden munitions! Lady is useless against the hordes, so my sister and I are the front lines. I need her to do a fighting shape. Thank you for helping me keep the world safe, frens! I will do you an update when we get it. I am a Very Good Boy™, but I could not do this alone. You are all very good hoomans. I even got to do a send of one leftover SBD to @TARC!
I will keep doing a power up so I can do a heckin' biggo upboop on TARC and animal rescues on Steemit. Can you help me sniff them out, frens? There's so much booping to do! Until later,
Squirrel meanass? Whut youmean? Is doggo that always cause problemz. Always with the borking! Always with the chasingthing.
Also, while we atit, why youpeeonmyhouse? Do I comeround and vindalize your stuff? MurphyNo indeed.
You are right to fearthetreejan-horse technique though, we have used it before. We shall use again. Fear us little doggo.
You and your silly legs, no climbing the tree. We laugh at your lack of height. We are taller than all little woofers. Fear our tail, for it is mighty!
As for nutz, I knows you stoled them. I buried them safe, but when I go look, they isgone. I willcatch you and youshall suffer. Many squeaks become roar.
#alltreearenopee #thenutzshallbevenged #doggobadclimbers #treejan-horse
SQUIRREL!
bork bork BORK borkborkbork
I don't need your heckin' nuts, angry fluffbrain! I have seen you squirrels do a dang wreckin' of hoomans' gardens and homes. I've done an empircal observe, fren! Squirrels do a steal of the birdo's foods and nests and eggos. No heckin' preaching here, tiny claw villain!
I have no need to do a climb. Just last week, lady let me off to do one of you a chase and I did a heckin' leap and twist and slammo into the tree and down you fell, boink. I'm not just a Very Good Boy, I am a Very Spry Boy! Do a remember of that.
I will find you, and I will bork you.
Doggo, you a laugh, 'fren'.
Thinking you all spry. Can't even say spy right... whooz fluffball now? Look at that big old snoot, gone and bite it one day.
Also, If youdon't need my heckin' nutz, why you stoled them? I know itz you, no lying Mr. 'Very Good Boy'. Call me villun and then take danutz. Spiccable.
You must done attack an old squirrel if you knock them down, real impressuv to attack old defenseless elder.
EVIL DOGGER ATTACKS OLD SQUIRRELS FOR FUN!!!
You shall pay. Your hooman should not let you out. Meanass to 'ciety.
eejit sqrrl crechur, you goin doen hooser. da flock stoled danutz, like ya do. doggos dont peck brrd food you heckin gastown swanker!
jbrrd done a spy back at you, chasen us brrds an stealin da pablum from our chicks. saying all danutz is belongin ta sqrrls?! what sqrrlspy can't see da flock pooped his tree an stoled his nutz? gheez.
murph do us a heckin skookum deal on dem nutz. brrds is heckin crafty scavengers, brrds know yer secrit plas, jbrrd done a follow on sqrrlspy, so give'r mate, sqrrls caint outfly da flock.
Lizzen here bird-brain, youz all shall pay for what youdone.
Eh my Fren,
Choo looking for girlfrien?
I love choo long time blue eyes.
Fren... heck, I think you might be doing too much of an excited. This is a Very Good Boy's guide, so I can't be a Good Girlfren. I know I'm very handsome and it's easy to get caught up in my heckin' charm and my doing a debonair, so I can't blame you really. If you try to do me a hump, I will heckin' bork at you, though. No means no.
I can be chica too?!
Too weird? 🤔
Doggos can be such crazy. Splains somuch.
Hahahahaha aye baby! Nice to meet ya @tremendospercy just don't tell my gurlfrien 🐶🐾
haiyo murph, what you sayin? da flock an myself liberated dat stash of nutz ya mentioned. dat squirrel flipper is in a kerfuffle about it. that's jokes! beauty eh? heckin dope workin witcha.
birdo, this squirrel is doing a crazy! We both know he's done a lose of more than just his nuts, heck. Now he's here doing a chirp, but he's no birdo, fren, no sir. I will continue to do a defend of the treeline, and you do a peck and dig up the munitions!
I did no lose my nutz, they was stoled.
I am list some ally to counter this new wing threat.
waitin ya loony nutsak.... snorts
Murph, fren, you iz one handsome pupper. how u gets da pic on da paw covers? tink dat in hooman land dat makez u famous!
didja know you gots a quirrel on da page ina rampage? wat happen, you hit him wif da battle tube? cuz i tink he has some nefarious cra cra to do out to git u.
Ya sure do got some odd frens, Murph. does Canandia have any rabbits? Im dat glad your sis gettin da hooman gadget so she can help protect yer hooman from da quirrel. howl at me if ya needs helps protecn.
I did a look at lady's intarweb credit card, fren. It says pupsocks.com. Since I am an expert at Christmas, next year I will do a get of paw covers for me with LADY'S face on them. We will see who does the biggest embarrass then, won't we? I heckin' love her, but that will be the perfect way to do an irony on her and also to get the perfect present: see Christmas point number three!
I don't know where this squirrel heckin' came from, fren, but we must do a protect of all Steemit now! If we can see one squirrel foe, there are dozens more doing a hide and we must be doing an extra vigilant.
There are bunnos here, and I do them a chase more for fun. They do extra fast runs and flipper flopsts and lady hooman doesn't like it when I get too close, so I only do a chase sometimes. You smell like a pupper but look like a bunno - good trick, fren! The squirrels won't see you doing a sneak...
dats sa plan murph. i is a twixie wabbit. gots a nefreus spyplan to razz da quirrel. ima do a look at dis pupsocks it sounds a good way to get more snootboops.
Murph heckin much good doggo writins.
Thanks, fren. Lady hooman is always in the Writer's Block; I've seen her Discord. I'll get better at writing every day! Typing still doing an issue; there are no pawboards on Amazon yet, heck.
I love the concept of the hip bound brace. I have never seen that before. Thanks for sharing. You have a beautiful dog, love the eyes.
Thanks fren! Lady hooman does a volunteer with rescue societies and animal hospitals, and we got a recommend for this. It is apparently very good! Once we see how it works for my sister, we will start recommending. Getting old is heckin' hard, and doing a pull of sleds makes doggo bodies do a hurt.
Oh, Murphy, you are awesome! I am so thrilled that Kubby Elizabeth pointed me towards your blog! You have so much wisdom to offer, and you are handsome, too! And yes, a Very Good Boy™, indeed! 😊
Oh, gonna do me a heckin' blush! I am so glad you came to say henlo. I have a very good snoot, but you're doing me a confuse a bit, fren... your name says you are lady catto, but you look and sniffer snipst like a hooman! Are you doing a trick like the Big Red Man?
I am catto, masquerading as hooman! ~shhhhhh!~ 😏 You not tell, k...?
narrows eyes; sniffs
I find this to be an acceptable. You and blue lady up above are the heckin' nicest cattos I've ever done a meet. Do you know any other rescue Steemits, fren?
Heh, Murphyno. Great. This was really cute and fun to read in the morning.
Followed and upwoofed!
wow, heckin' big thanks for upboops, fren! I am trying to to do a kick lady hooman off the computer more, but she is a Steemaholic. She doesn't realize I am more popular already, and I have a heckin' mission!
You're a good doggie Murph.
I'll always be here to help you with TARC and animal rescues.
<3
thank you blue hooman, you are so wonderful. (Even though you smell a little bit like cattos...I'll do an allow. That means you are kind to animals, fren, and that is the best kind.) Do you know more rescue Steemits?
Anjing yang sehat, saya yakin dia sangat pintar, sungguh beruntung anjing itu, karena dia mempunyai tuan yang baik.
Hai teman! Saya cukup beruntung Saya merasa baik dan bahagia, dan saya sangat menyukai manusia saya. Terima kasih telah datang untuk menyapa saya!
Saya akan selalu datang dan berkunjung, untuk mencari teman yang baik, semoga anda selalu sehat