Depression Does Hurt

Is it ever any wonder why some people have anxiety and depression? Is society subliminally dictating our emotions? What drives a person into an abysmal state of sadness? Can it be a lack of money or loss of a loved one? Do we have too high of expectations of ourselves and those around us? There seem to be more questions than answers and I wish I had some of those answers. Everyday I find that depression does hurt.

What can I mean by that? Well, in my own experience, depression does hurt. Where does it hurt? For me it is everything from having a nonstop headache because of excess worry to my heart beating to fast because I am anxious. My experience is that my emotions tend to rule the physical.

The mind truly is a powerful instrument. Whether I am in a good mood or a ad one, my emotions are strong. I have noticed that when my emotions are on sadness or anger, well that causes all sorts of trouble. Those negative emotions drop my blood pressure that I need something salty to feel better. I start to have heart palpitations and my body temperature rises to an unbelievable number. Dizziness begins to make his way, but I try my best to squash it by either putting my head down or having some Gatorade. An important element to have is pure quiet. Having silence is so important for me to have right now. No the quiet does not make depression go away. I am not sure what will.

Why do some people interpret depression as being lazy? Now that one I wish I had an answer, but I do not think I will ever have one. My own sister does not even believe in depression. If I have to hear one more time "Snap out of it" then I shall burst. It is not as simple as that, although I wish it were.

Is it society or a chemical imbalance? Well, speaking for myself, I have a chemical imbalance and it impairs my emotions and short term memory. I do have medicine but I dislike taking it. I do hope that it is a medicine that I can wean off of one day, but I must listen to my doctor for now.

What makes me feel so horrible? That is an easy answer: money, marriage, home, job, friendships etc...
Those and many more contribute to my mind, body and soul feeling so wretched that all I want to do is either cry or throw things. Either my anger boils over or my crying is uncontrollable. I feel as though I have lost all control of my senses and that depresses me also. So I am also depressed about being depressed, strange right?

Do I like being this way, absolutely not! I miss the days that I smiled and laughed about anything and everything. I miss the days that I was care-free and did not care about what others may think. I look at a picture of myself from about fifteen years ago and I tell her (me) that I am sorry that she (me) is so sad. I am constantly apologizing t myself and I hope that one day that will stop.

So I do believe that depression hurts me. I have five herniated discs in my back and having such depression and stress adds a lot of pain into the mix. When I feel more down in the dumps than usual then my sciatic pain in my leg is so bad that I cannot walk well, but I limp instead.

Before having such anxiety and depression I was active and as joyful as possible. Yes I was not fond of many things but I was able to filter them out better than I do now. Separating my emotions from black and white facts has become very difficult. There are days when I simply cannot breathe because my anxiety and stress is overwhelming me. I search for answers and I still have a hard time achieving that goal.

What can I do to manage my depression? My doctor did give me some cognitive exercises that I actually try sometimes. They are not easy but have reasonable ability to be accomplished. I do try.

My only piece of wisdom is that quiet kindness is an important element in managing depression, for me. I have also learned that meditation is important for me as well. My money issues will not be any different whether I am sad or glad. That is a slow process, but a process. My doctor is glad that I can share my story here and hope that people can be kind to each other. Expressing ones selves can be an important tool for healing, as I am learning that every day.

Be kind and compassionate to each other. You never know if that person you are uplifting has depression.