Depressed - Episode 6: Music.

Yeah, so much things to say about music...
Music is connected to emotions, in an incomprehensible, complex and beautiful way.
I used to sit on a sand dune, looking at the sea, listening to sad music while writing about my feelings. Music can be so therapeutic...

Eventually, I needed more. Music felt like a drug to me, every day passing, I needed more music, more ways to express the whirlwind of feelings inside my head. Now, I always have my earplugs on. Listening to different kinds of songs, according to what I feel, or what I want to feel. Without music, I feel... Empty.

In my high school, there was a music room, that's where I learned to play guitar, then piano, all by myself. It felt so good to be able to express my own feelings trough music notes, and so easy too! Felt like the notes were just coming out by themselves, according to what I had in mind...

I played Black Metal when my anger was almost unbearable (huge thanks to my drummer friend, always here to follow my riffs, even the ugliest ones), or, when I felt too sad and useless, I was tumbling into the music room, yelling at everyone to go away, locking the door and spending an hour playing melancholic chords on the piano...

Music really helped me. And it keeps helping each day. I'm pretty sure I won't be here writing all that, without the alleviation given by music.

I'll finish this post with a page from one of my notebooks, related or not, I haven't decided yet... I'll take one randomly I guess.

Forcément, il y aura, comme à chaque fois, cette tension entre elle et moi. On a décidé de rester amis, pour l'instant, et de voir comment évolueraient les choses, mais je sais que ce soir, ce sera différent. Un repas, rien qu'elle et moi, de la musique et de longues discussions, les yeux dans les yeux. Puis je vais avoir envie de l'embrasser, elle aussi.
Et à ce moment, on laissera de côté nos doutes, nos peurs et nos questions, pour laisser hurler nos coeurs, et se perdre dans les bras de l'autre.
Ce sera magique. Grand. Puissant. Puis, le lendemain, le combat interne recommencera. Mais, ce soir, juste pour quelques instant, laissons de côté la raison.
(P.S. It didn't end well ehem)