Depressed - Episode 5: Sleepless.

If you didn't already experienced it, don't worry, it'll come soon. Too soon.

The sleepless nights. One day you'll get scared of your own bed. Strange, isn't it? You'll discover the sleep paralysis, and the wonderful hallucinations coming with it. The nightmares, waking up in the middle of the night, sweaty, crying, destroyed by unreal threats created by your own brain to torture you.

I hope you won't have to experience it. I wouldn't hope for it even for my worst enemy. It's one of the hardest parts of the depression. A two hours night of sleep will feel like a blessing for you. The doctors will tell you to force yourself to sleep, they'll give you sleeping pills that makes you sleep for 15 hours straight and wake up dizzy, but you'll eventually prefer to throw them to the trash and wait to collapse by exhaustion to have a kind-of night.

I didn't won this round, for now. I sleep one night on two, collapsing on my couch with a sleep looking like a coma. And when I try to force myself to sleep, according to the advices of my therapist, I eventually get to sleep for two or three hours, then get woke up by a sleep paralysis, seeing a shadow-like monster pushing on my chest. The only parade i found is to tell it I'm not scared, cause I'm the only monster in this room. It works, usually.

Find some good sleeping pills, and try to not overthink before going to bed. These are the advice docs gave me. Easy to say, hard to do. Hang on, guys.