The Birth of 'Depression'

The count down
Two more days until auditions
Fifteen more days until we start filming
Four more months until I have to publish it

Depression
The film itself is about me. I was extremely depressed last year in January up until April. I was very nervous about losing my friends to college. I was nearly finished with my first year of college at this time. I was a loner, I had no friends, lol I didn’t want any, I didn’t want to get to know new people all over again. I hated small talk and I related to absolutely no one there. The major I had at that time wasn’t even something I wanted to do. I was a fish out of water. Confused and hopeless of what is to come next. My only friends were going away to school and I all I could hope is to not be forgotten.

Last march I went through a terrible experience with someone and it left me completely blank. I didn't know who I was. I numbed myself of all good feelings. Pain and worthlessness felt so good to me. Sounds crazy but I hated that I fell for a fool. Only shameful feelings were a valid acceptation to me. I was 18 and had an old soul. I didn’t have time to waste on someone who wanted to play games with multiple girls at a time. I was done with him and done with anyone else who had the “fuck-boy’itus.” I gave up on love for myself and in relationships.

From that point I was constantly writing everyday about darkness, then one day I got booked to be a permeant stand-in on show 'The-Chi’, this was my first time ever standing in. When I arrived to set, I went to crafting for breakfast then transported to wardrobe. While I was waiting there a P.A. came by and gave me sides, sides are the script, I felt like I had the key to my dreams. As I was reading it I couldn’t help but to feel a yearning sensation in my chest. It felt like a fresh water spring was running through my soul. Every day on set I felt like I belonged there. Even though I was at a “low ranking” in the industry nothing could ruin the passion I felt from just being there. I went home and I got out my sides and my computer. I started writing my depression script. I wrote my script the way I saw how a professional script was written. Lol I felt super official.

My hopes for this film is to bring awareness to depression. There are different kinds of depression out there. It doesn’t mean you are a miserable person just sulking in feelings to “feel” human. It feels more like a leech is stuck on you, sucking the life out of you and you can’t figure out how to get it off. You overthink things like crazy and you tend to want to be alone more. The alone time you spend with yourself is very crucial to self-reflect. Write about what happened, look at your words and see the outline of your struggles. This film is a story of what I felt and went through unhealthily. Self-destruction is never the way to go. 

This is my passion. Creating impactful and meaningful visual stories. I will be collaborating with awesome creative curators in the future. I completely trust the universe with my dreams. God will give me the strength continue to pursue my dreams. I am excited to learn more, I am grateful for everyone that has believed in me along the way, and I thank god I am still here to see my progress.