My Mom's Cancer is Terminal
I'm supposed to be having a fun weekend in Paris, but it looks like I won't be leaving my hotel room, and instead just sit here for the duration of my trip.
My mom's been battling with cancer problems for a while now, but she always kept a strong face and kept convincing me that everything is better than they actually were.
Today, I was made aware by my grandmother that her cancer is much worse than she ever let on.
She's battling with what I believe is called a metastatic tumor, and while it can be treated, it can't be cured.
She's going to die.
I've had a difficult relationship with my mother for a long time, but recently, through all the hardship, I finally felt like I have a mother again. I thought she was going to pull through and we can finally be stronger together as a result.
Now Im going to have to get used to the idea of not having a mother, at all.
It absolutely pains me that I've wasted the relationship with my one and only mother because of stupid, petty arguments and disagreements.
It also pains me that I haven't been more strict about he fact that I never wanted her to smoke - hell, I've smoked with her, basically giving all of what's happening right now an okay. What kind of a son does that.
When my girlfriend died five years ago, me and my mom weren't on good terms, and I was alone and now that my mom's dying, my girlfriend's gone already, so I'm going through all of this alone, again.
Am I a bad person if I selfishly feel that I'm tired of all the dying? I'm not the one dying, but I childishly think that I'm just sick of all this.
I also feel horrible for the fact that my mom's life never really turned out the way she would have wanted; my father was abusive, they divorced, and then she wasted her life in another bad relationship that she wasn't able to get out for a long time.
Only recently she got together with a former co-worker who loves her very much, and they used to be close, but she rejected him for my stepdad who never appreciated my her in any substantial way. It was so weird to finally see her happy, I don't think I had ever before seen her happy. She was a different person.
I have no idea how she manages to keep such a strong face through all of this. You could never tell something's wrong. I'm much more negative towards everything in life, and I'm in a good spot. Sure, I'm alone, but at least I'm rich and healthy. She's not even that.
I haven't been able to really go through these emotions, even though secretly I've known that something like this would be a realistic possibility. It's just that worrying about this would have meant visioning myself attending my mom's funeral, and I rejected it. Until today when I finally envisioned, realized that it's probably going to happen soon, and just broke down. Years and years worth of tears just flowed through and I went through all the mistakes made in our relationship between us.
Now I'm not even sure how I should react when I see her.
Should just break down and hug her, risking breaking her down? Should I just keep strong, just like she is, and not think about it? I honestly don't know.
I fucking hate the fact that this is already the second damn time I'm going through these questions.
I just want to say to everyone reading that appreciate your parents. Love them. If you're having disagreements, try to work them out. Your parents are the only parents you'll have. Never take them for granted. You should never take anyone for granted anyway.
You'll never know what may happen.
I'll try to remain strong for my mom. This whole post turned out bad, but I'm not capable of much more right now.
I'm at least thankful for the fact that she's still here for a while, so I have time to love her before she goes.
But seriously, just love the people close to you. I've been through this once already, I know for a fact that sometimes we lose them in an instance.
I'd actually like for people to resteem this; just to get people to tell their parents and other loved ones that "Hey, I love you and appreciate the fact that you're in my life right now".
If people do that, this post was worth it.
Keep your head up brother - you will get through this. You should go on a trip somewhere with your mom if you can..somewhere hot. Try to get her into meditation and yoga. Keep her hydrated with alkaline water/diet. My mother is a cancer survivor. You will be in my prayers bro, don't give up. Take what the doc says with a grain of salt. Your mind is the most powerful tool you have. Be strong spend as much time as you can with her.
My work neighbour just found out he has colon cancer. Devastating news to most of us and i can't imagine for himself. Life changing even't ....All the best to your family member and a speedy recovery.
Сочувствую
Dam bro.. first off,
FUCK YOU CANCER
That's some difficult stuff to deal with.. you should drop what your doing and get to here side asap. I watched my grandmother slowly pass from it.. the closer the day came, the harder times got... the only thing i could do is share with her every thing i could possibly think of and express how much I love her.
you got me tearing the fuck up right now, typing this
My grandma was proud of her life and what she accomplished.. she wanted nobody to be sad, planned her own funeral.. left the family secret "notes" we would eventually find thru a will. Point is, she eventually accepted her fate.. not saying your mom will but you never know how she really feels until you talk to her.
YOU HAVE TO SAY YOUR GOODBYES*
my grandma would tell me, "it's God's will" which in fact, made me angry with and question God.
You don't want any regrets going further.. the past is the past, now.. get your ass to your mom.
I feel your pain bro.
FUCK CANCER
Here's a video post by @bycompoundfilms who's friend just passed from cancer today
Fuck You Cancer - << click that to watch
I agree - fuck cancer.
I'm writing to tell you that I'm here for you. My experience with death has taught me that proximity is a matter of relation. I mean, my grandpa, who passed in 2007, well sometimes I see a bluebird, and I think, huh, maybe that's grandpa Andy. He used to feed bluebirds peanuts by shaking the peanut, and the bluebird, hirkemir, he named him, would fly right up to the sliding glass door. He would eat the peanut. And then my grandpa gets this big humble widened grin and I'm only about up to his knees back then, but yeah he was a kind soul, and I still feel him today. Same with my beloved grandma Dana, who collected old jazz records for me to enjoy in her honor, and when I do, I feel she's listening, like Ina radio, saying, " oh, I used to listen to that song over, and over" usually sad songs but sometimes a love song. She really liked," you're the top. " I can only speak for my experience, but life and death are more closely related than I knew, and when I have lost loved ones, I feel a deep sense of acceptance, over time, to know their souls are with me always. So, in short, I'm here for you. It's hard to share but use the tools you can to work through it, and I find solace in bluebirds, butterflies, and while I can, the people that are still with me. Take care.
cancer is caused by DNA damage, heavy metals, stress, or all of the above and more, it's a response of the body, disease doesn't just happen, it's caused by something happening, cancer is cancer, we live in a shitty world because we made it such, we don't care about people, we care about ourselves and then we say fuck this and fuck that, my grandmother also passed away from cancer, It's not easy to deal with, my only remorse is how distant I was and how I can't remember her face anymore. I owe a lot to her, good and bad, but I wholly respect her for her "sacrifice" and even if don't know her in her best times, I'm still grateful. I'm not going to drag this out, topics on cancer and the world is something I'm holding pent up :) for now :)
I lost my mom to cancer ten years ago. I'm so sorry. Indeed, love her while you can. Maybe the best thing you can do is what she wants you to do. Ask her. Be vulnerable. Let her know you'll be strong if she needs you to be strong or you'll break down and weep with her if she needs you to weep with her. Make it about her while also encouraging her with what you will become so she knows the purpose her life did accomplish by creating you.
Lovely....this comment stream is so beautiful. I am touched by all the genuine caring people.
It's true The world is not without good people
@lukestokes, you've got some great advice for @schattenjaeger!
Sorry to hear about your Mom. It must have been tough.
In times like these, often the most important thing is to just be heard and have others sit with you in your pain. To have people listen and care is so important. I hope this community and the great many comments here are doing just that for @schattenjaeger.
Well said @lukestokes. I lost a very dear uncle in 2006. He was in the military when he was younger. A very good, strong, disciplined and principled man. When he was diagnosed with an aggressive colon cancer, the docs refused to perform surgery because of his advanced age. In the last few days, he was in so much pain, and yet so dignified about it, I remember just sitting next to him for long hours, playing some soothing instrumental healing music and holding his hands and stroking his palms. No talk. No anything. But I'm sure he understood how much I loved him. I just sat with him in the pain... to use your words.
I hope @schattenjaeger finds his way around this. And the comments from the community here prove to be therapeutic.
This sucks. Bad. I'm sorry to hear about this news, and I have total empathy.
My mother has been informed recently that her cancer has returned....for a 4th time. The first time was in 1997 when they found a beachball-sized tumor in her abdomen (she's not a little lady, so no one really noticed) which was found to be malignant. She endured a horrible and lengthy surgery and many months of chemotherapy with all the side-effects that came with it, to finally be told she won her battle. We were overjoyed. Then in 2002 I think, it came back. This time they threatened to remove her bladder, but found a specialist in another city who was able to perform a surgery that prevented that from being necessary, winning this battle as well. Then, in 2014 after my father passed, we received news that it had returned again. I feel like my mom has been underplaying the severity of her prognosis as you mentioned your mother was doing, and she said that with the treatment they'd given her that she had beaten it again. Here we are now in 2017, and she said she'd been informed that the cell count had spiked once again, indicating yet another return. It's unbearable to watch someone so close go through this even once, let alone 4 times.
That's terrible news, but expected with cancer. I'm sure your Mom is stronger than the cancer @winstonwolfe. She's already fought and won over it 3 times, she'll do it again. Just ensure she has all the right equipment to fight it with. And be there for her even though it hurts. Sending good luck wishes her way for a successful and speedy treatment. - @sandzat
Wow so sorry to hear your news too.
That's awful. I had an aunt who also had repeat diagnoses of cancer. It's really tough.
There is no way you can tell another adult how they should live their lives. It is ludicrous that you feel guilt for not encouraging your mom to stop smoking.
You have every right to feel sorry for yourself. And to feel childish while doing so. Griefs strips everything away but our essence.
Life was what it was. We constantly negotiate and re-negotiate relationships. You are right to advise people to put away petty arguments, but family relationships go much deeper. Sometimes we need to push away and sometimes we need to be closer. no regrets!!!
When you see your mom, let your instinct guide you as to how you should react. Those kind f moments can't be planned.
As a mother myself, I will forgive my children almost anything (except evil, like murder etc) and no matter what my love will always be constant. I think most mothers are like me.
resteemed
Sound advice @onetree. And very touching.
I'm a mother too. And it is the same for me. My love is always constant. And I would always want my daughter to be open and totally herself when she is with me. And hope that she doesn't need to think twice about it.
A mothers advice. Perfect and whats needed.
Your post really touched my heart. It made me think about and cherish my parents more instantly. I am sending so much love your way cuz I can feel the hurt. I just came across you today and I am grateful I did ❤️This Dr has cured thousands of patients who had cancer. It's a short video. Please watch it.
Yeah, on top of that Laetrile and Vitamin B17 has also cured cancers too. A guy who started Apricots from God, had a couple of months to live with this terminal cancer; he watched A World Without Cancer by G. Edward Griffin, then he decided to take some apricot seeds, and it cured him. He tried to sell Apricot Seeds, but he was put in prison for doing so.
https://archive.fo/i4BAL
Just don't trust the media when it comes to issues like this; they'll just cover for the industries that want to promotes the "research for the cure of cancer".
I can't help laughing, the note that says, we can't cure cancer, because he's in jail, funny news gets me every time, how degenerate indeed and oh that doc looks like a serial killer, ooooh that naughty boy is in big trouble, you are in big trouble mister, do you realise you are destroying good business, think of the jobs that will be lost, think of the millions that will be spent on something else, think of how much doctors will have to expand their world view. xD poor fella getting chemo, because that is how we run things :|
the second one is too long for now.
good post I've missed the video, the documentaries are good to have :) thanks for sharing :)
I will nest my reply here since I was going to say most of the same things, what I know on the topic is what is stated mostly, I've heard that cancer can't feed itself so it needs glucose and it thrives in a toxic environment, its a degenerative disease, so yes acidity helps a lot, being nervous and not recovering perpetuates it, emotional trauma is said to be the root cause, the working solutions I've heard of are fasting, which requires some spirit in such times, because well it's hard to change 10 years of life in a month or so and not eating for a month is not easy when you are so weak, normally juicing and emotional support go with that for the speediest of recoveries, it's a long shot, but anything is possible if there is commitment and in the end trying something is better than getting "therapy" which is quite invasive and harmful since it kills living cells too, or blatantly maims organs. Those are no solutions in my view.
Basically I've heard that a keto diet suppresses it, because it starves the tumors, juicing can both detoxify and oxydise(alkalise) if done right, not to mention bring in nutrients that the body was starving for. It's a difficult topic to tackle and I only know information, I have no personal experience and I'm not going to claim anything, I like learning and I don't like people dying, in the end you have to respect their choices, if they choose to live they can find a solution.
I'm leaving here what this post is missing,
http://www.screencast.com/t/M9NigDNT10qQ
"An Introduction to THE FIVE BIOLOGICAL LAWS"
I'm going to watch it, because I've only read briefly the topic a while ago.
http://germannewmedicine.ca/documents/study_guidelines.html
http://www.newmedicine.ca/german-new-medicine.php
People have already mentioned plant based medicine, rick simpson oil and a few other I haven't personally looked at.
That's all I have, I think there is enough already. I'm off to watch a few hours of movies. I have enough on my plate for now.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this. Grief is not selfish. Please be sure to let your mom know you love her as soon and as often as you can. You still have time to make the best of your time.
Also, please look into some of the suggested drs that have cured cancer with alternative methods.
Reaching out is the start of healing and you never know what random response could change the entire future.
Wow I am truly sorry to hear this. I lost my mom to cancer in 2004, she had just turned 50yo while staying at the hospital, I was freshly turned 21, it was really hard for me even though I had lots of support so I know how it is. You just keep your head up & try to spend whatever time left by her side, you will be ok.....
I feel sorry...
While you can't change the past you can actively change the future. And you just started with writing the post.
You don't need to feel bad about your feelings. You could feel bad if you don't use the time from now on but as you wrote you'll use it. And that's the important thing...
You can help people with what you do today and tomorrow and that's what matters. That's a trace you leave in this world.