Reflection

Today, I would like to write about something not much stupid. and I call it "reflection". I actually, wrote this article 8 months ago, on april or may, I dont remember exactly.
On this article, I will explain how it important to be mature.
I dont know whether lucky or unlucky for me, I met a person who was my coppy of 80% body type, characteristics and behaviors. We were sticked together 2 months. Now I had to admit that, that was one of my worst time in my life. He didnot beat me, he didnot say bad to me, so why I assumed it was the worst time? Because that was the time I looked at him like look at myself. Few times, I was just burst in to tears and asked: Oh, dear! Really? Am I so bad like that before?

I mostly see all of my behaviors in him. I didnot care about health. I judged people " you have to do this, you have to do that". I believed that I was right 100%. I gave pressure for the people by leading them to some expectation and when people dont reach that, I start to show my disapointment. Love is not love and that was not a love. All of those, just to show how immature I was, how immature he was (at leaset, in my opinion). I started to talk about stupid things to people who are not at the same level of education. Something hurted my inner a lot.

And I started to miss my ex boy friend so much. I started to understand his behaviors and the way he loved me as a mature person which I refused to get it. I had a talk with one of a friend - agirl, she told me " I need to treat him like the way my ex treated me". But I just..could not.

I started to feel annoyed, upset. I started to feel something wrong in this relationship when I didnot feel any intend to care about my life at all. And I beginned to look around me since I was with him. My friends didnot talk to me anymore because she knew I would ask her to help him something. My colleages, didnot want to do things he asked.
People surrounding me, started to concern about my relationship.

It was not happy feeling when you see yourself in the other, it was something like...so terrible.
I didnot feel the connection between us. What is actually important in our life?

Many times, I would like to get out of this relationship. Many times I begged him to realease from this relationship because I could not bear it any more. A kind of relationship that make you feel like prison.

In the end, we were seperated. Another girl take care for him. I am so happy for that. Although he admit that the relationship just one of his play to help me achieve my dreams as he said, but it was not true. He distroyed my dreams I could say.
But now, when I just looking back things about the period of time of year. Alot of regret for me: Regret not more stable, regret not trust about my feelings, regret my time just go around and do stupid things for this relationship instead of develop myself or doing some more interesting things. I learnt to forgive me to make the life easy. I did everything to travel so far, and now I have to make up it colorful and I know that, I will not said, I quit!

This is the most expensive lesson to be mature for me so far.

Best,