Reversing the 'Friend zone'. Making it work for you...

Ah, the friend zone. This is where a guy is attracted to a girl, while she sees him purely as a friend. Rather than wanting to date him, she wants to get together, talk, drink coffee, and well…be friends. This can be incredibly frustrating…but only if you want it to be. There is a way of handling yourself that places you in a much more powerful position and which allows you to actually benefit from being in the friend zone. Can the friend zone actually work to your favour? Let’s see.

Firstly, let me make a quick note that being trapped in the friend zone doesn’t only happen to guys. It certainly does happen to women. It has happened to many women I know personally. The difference here is that guys are generally far more fixated on ‘looks’ than are women. If a girl is in the friend zone, it is likely that the guy simply doesn’t find her physically attractive, but does like her as a person. The friend zone can be as frustrating for women as it is for men.

A guy will likely be in the friend zone because he has used the tactic of being overly nice in order to ‘make the girl like him’. This is in no way challenging to the girl and results in zero attraction. It is also a subtle attempt to control her, which never works - ever! However, the overt ‘niceness’ means that the girl does have some affection for him and wants to develop a platonic relationship because of this. Of course, there may be other reasons that the girl wants to develop a friendship. She may be interested in someone else for example, and therefore may only have room for additional friends rather than partners. She too, may simply find the guy unattractive but nice.

As guys, it is important to realize that in 99% of cases, we actually place ourselves in the friend zone. Essentially, there are two routes to this place. Firstly, we get there through the needy, pursuing, sleazy behaviour we display. Here, the girl will use the line “I think we should be friends” only as a polite way to deter the guy. In fact, she has no interest whatsoever in building any sort of friendship with him. And why would she? He has demonstrated that he perceives himself as being in a state of lack; not something people tend to be drawn towards. Here, he has placed himself in the pseudo (please get away from me) friend zone.

The second route, as we mentioned, involves apparent niceness. When a guy is overly nice in order to placate the girl, again he places himself firmly in the friend zone. Here, the guy comes across as undesirable, but somewhat non-needy. The girl will genuinely want to develop a friendship because she may not have very many male friends. She will relish the opportunity to spend time with a guy; one that has shown he can listen and also not spend all his time trying to get something.

Of course, the problem with this is that it is all based on deception. The real problem here is that the guy has decided to see her as only good enough for a sexual relationship. This is the main point of today’s article. He has outright rejected any possibility that the girl might be a better friend than a sexual partner. Guys tend to think that it is only women who place men in the friend zone. This perception needs to change! Worse still, some guys think that men and women can never genuinely be friends. That is a very unfortunate perspective to take and one that holds many men back in terms of living a full and rewarding life.

Think about it for a while. Think about all the women you have met in your life that you were genuinely physically attracted to. Maybe you knew them over a protracted period of time. Maybe you worked with them. Now think about how many of them you consciously decided not to sleep with because you felt a sexual relationship wasn’t right for you and that a platonic relationship might be more rewarding. How many times has this happened? If the answer is zero, there may be a revelation for you here. Read on.

This concept ties in with the idea of screening. Men usually attempt to tick all the boxes they imagine the girl wants ticked. This approach never works. Instead, it is important to get in touch with what you want in a woman. Do you even know what your preferences are in women? Do you know what you are looking for? This is vital. Maybe you know which women you find attractive and which women you don’t. This is a good start. You should only entertain the idea of sleeping with women you are genuinely attracted to. Women you are not attracted to belong in the friend zone! Maybe she is someone who must be sexually adventurous and willing to demonstrate interest in you. Very good. Is she evolved enough to see the truth in you and courageous enough to go after it? If you have truly accepted the truth about yourself, this will ring true. If not, you haven’t fully accepted the truth about yourself. You probably still want to pursue women. Maybe she must be someone who wants to hook-up occasionally with no serious commitments. Again, if this is really what you want, you should pursue this. You value your freedom. Will she respect it? She should lay down no rules. She should ask for nothing you are not delighted to give.

The power of screening allows you to interact with women in a far more confident and powerful way. When you meet an attractive woman for the first time, you will have some standards that are important to you. This doesn’t mean you are judgmental either. If she ticks all your boxes, then you can decide to take things further. If not, you decide that developing a genuine friendship with the woman is the best option, and you take sex off the table. Be firm in this. Once a woman is placed in the friend zone, really commit to building the friendship. Even if she tries to make out with you, refuse her. Stand by the power of your convictions.

By placing the woman in the friend zone, you can actually start to enjoy being friends with women. Before, when you found yourself a victim of the friend zone, you could never do this. The feelings of frustration got in the way. Now, really start to make an effort to get to know women. Get to know their hopes and fears. Talk about their other relationships. Give them advice. Take their advice. Help them to meet and hook-up with great guys. Hook-up with her friends. Develop long-lasting friendships that will enrich both your lives.

Let’s consider the alternative for a moment; life without the willingness to place women into the friend zone. Sadly, this is the case for most men. They want what they want: sex from the hot lady! Anything less than this means the interaction is totally pointless and a complete failure. If this is the case, the relationship with the woman could never possibly end in friendship. Essentially, I am suggesting that unless you enter an interaction with a woman, totally willing to build a friendship with her (if that’s what is for the best), you are better off not interacting. In fact, introducing yourself with the knowledge that she will more than likely become a platonic friend puts you in a far better frame of mind. The notion that she could be a potential sexual partner should almost come as a shock realization that she has met all your criteria. You will realize this when she is pursuing you!

Hope this helps,
David