Yes, I would be a totally different person if I had not lived through this. So from a philosophical angle it's quite difficult to imagine what that different person might be like.

Anyway, I have come to terms with it and it's part of who I am now, so in a weird way I am kind of glad. They are scars I can be proud of. My heart was in the right place and I made a lot of mistakes, but I'm stronger and wiser for it :)