Hodl the MoonLambo - adventures of a Crypto-noob

They say you always remember your first time...

The click of the button that transfers the BTC you just purchased, to the exchange you want to trade on. The ensuing panic when nothing appears on the other side. 

You figure out you need to use that transaction ID somehow, then a trip to Google teaches you about the blockchain explorer... a deep sigh of relief as you find some trace of your virtual currency somehow flying through the ether (not THAT ether... we'll come on to that later!)...

Finally it arrives in your exchange wallet, at which point you realise two things:

1. You did it! Hurray!
2. Wow; Bitcoin's a bit shit isn't it! Aren't computers meant to be fast?!

Anyway, you then stumble through the maze of coin listings, stock charts, and buy/sell orders, finally figuring out how to turn your fraction of a Bitcoin into hundreds of thousands of Shitcoins. Pausing for a moment to consider why they're called 'Shitcoins', you shrug off any doubt because, well, hundred of thousands of coins! It's like a virtual pirate's chest and it's all yours! 

Anyway, 'Clever' Trevor, your mate down the pub, told you all about Bitcoin and how he makes a fortune out of it every day; "can't lose", he says. He bought twenty bitcoins when they were 50 dollars each and now they're nearly 20K. The guy knows what he's doing, And now, with his guidance, you're going to be rich too!

Two weeks later...

Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Those charts shouldn't be that colour should they? That line should be moving up, not down. How can you have less money now than when you started? The bloke down the pub promised you'd  be rich - you have a pirate's chest full of golden Shitcoins, after all...

But when you check the price of the SHT coin, it's way lower than when you bought it and things are looking bad.

You decide to nip down the pub and speak to Clever Trevor about this; he'll know how to fix it...

"Two words, mate: HODL and... well the other one's a bit more complicated so maybe a few more words than just the one... let's start with HODL though. It means 'HOLD' but if you type it quickly, it comes out as 'HODL'."

You start to wonder how Trevor got his nickname. You also consider that you could just as easily have typed 'GOBL' if you typed it really quickly, so that explanation seems a little suspect..."

He continues...

"HODL means just don't sell. Hold the coins then when the market moves up again, you'll be golden..."

You nod wisely, as though you understand and then ask what the second piece of advice is, hoping it'll be better than the first...

"Ah now this is fundamental", he confides..."Here's the thing. You can't lose money until you sell..."

You ponder this a while and try to let it sink in. It won't. You ask for a little more detail...

"Well once you sell, you get your bitcoins back and you've got less than when you started. But if you don't sell, you still have hundreds of thousands of SHT!"

You point out that lots and lots of SHT just means you have a really big pile of SHT that's not worth very much at all, but Trevor shakes his head and says you're thinking about this the wrong way. I ask him how else I should think about this:

"Lambos." he says. "Just ask yourself 'When Lambo'".

At that point you realise you've been taking investment advice from a Crypto-moron. A 'moon boy'. But it's too late; you're committed... so you'll need to figure out what next, by yourself... but first you need to catch the bus back home.

As you sit on the bus and gaze out of the dirty window you pass a Lamborghini garage and you feel an almost magnetic pull towards it; like it exerts some kind of mysterious crypto-gravity towards you now. It's going to take a while, but you'll get there. You WILL hold the keys to that car...

Follow me on SteemIt for the next story in the journey of a crypto noob: Pert Ripples!