Nicely done. This could have a few parts to it--there's an intriguing character that disappears, and I'd like to see more of her. Good characterization, good scene-setting. It's a nice story.
Nicely done. This could have a few parts to it--there's an intriguing character that disappears, and I'd like to see more of her. Good characterization, good scene-setting. It's a nice story.
thank you... this was actually a dream I had
Don't you love that? One of my first novels was that kind of thing--I had a dream about the climax of the film, and wrote the entire novel to get to it. Worked pretty well, I thought.