4/14 the awakening

In the movie entitled Awakening, patients who had long been in deep slumber due to a neurological disease awaken many decades after a drug was discovered only to sleep once more.It is one of those movies that leave you tearry eyed because it gives us a glimpse of what its like to be human.

True,we had taken so many things for granted in best effort to make a life for us and others.It takes a loss of ability or of someone or catastrophe like this to rediscover this essential truth.I would say this pandemic put to my attention the urgent need to prioritize things in this finite life.It made me really ask the hard questions I usually swept under my feet.
So while it is convenient to say that this pandemic is all but heartache it is not absolutely true.Because it had given me that necessary jolt to embrace life more.

Having graduated from a state university where most political scions comes from many would presume that I have a progressive view on life.Yet I like others I have my own prejudices.In short , I am as flawed as any.

It took a lot of struggles to have the society that we are blessed with now.I could not imagine being in a different era.I could not imagine a life where I am devoid of a choice simply because I was born a woman.

Modern technology had made life more comfortable in a general sense.Humanity has witnessed many religious,medical,political revolution among others due to the changing technology that allowed exchange of information across the globe.With it also are its troubles.Thus to my mind not necessarily happier people.In Canada for example together with the health crisis brought about by this virus is the increasing opiod death and mental depression.

This pandemic grimly reminds us the following:

A there are many things in this life that is beyond our control.
Divorces are common as people do fall out of love no matter how much they try.No matter how health buff we are we will eventually leave our earthly bodies behind.Nature can be predicted only to a point by science.Just like the tides ,our fortunes and misfortune changes in a flick of an eye.

B.the timeless teaching of Buddha ";attachment is the source of our suffering ".

If one flip through the annals of this year and the year that was they would discover that hoarding was evident in many societies when WHO declared there was an outbreak.News would report of many heartbreaking anomalies because of someone attachment to profit , safety etc.Many residents of long term care died because healthcare workers left their jobs to safeguard themselves in the absence of adequate personal protective devices.Others rallied the street to protest the mandatory mask and lockdowns in the name of free choice and right to liberty.Others grief the lost opportunities that result from it all.

We had all been given a life changing moment.Its more like a test of fire where choices have to be made with serious consequences. We are all ushered to settle our unfinished business knowing life can expire anytime.No time in human history has ethical issues been raised as much its done now.

In a personal note, I find myself asking up to what extent will I bargain my freedom and desires in an effort to stay alive?If tomorrow is uncertain and past is but a memory is it not logical to just make the most of today ?

If today is all I have what am I grateful for?What would I be doing differently if all is up to me?I have list a few.

A. to forgive myself and others even if no apologies were given.
I am done making excuses for others misbehavior towards me .I am done fixing relationships that does not work anymore.To not take things personally when the other person is struggling with his own demons and thus behaving badly towards me.To know that I am enough was most liberating.To confront the other even if it means being alone in the end.To choose to let go of the anger because it was a necessity to a healthier living.To admit to oneself one's follies

B.revive my faith
In many days I find myself on my knees as it is hard to make sense of this chaos.It is very challenging times indeed.I have to dwell in God's promise as I hurdle news of illness of family members and friends .I have to quiet my fears as others were too busy with their own troubles.And as much as you expect them go the extra mile as you would for them some would reciprocate while others wont.I have yet to learn how to have Godly attitude as it is easier to be envious ,conceited among others.

C. To say yes to what's life is offering me
Real talk, I have let life pass me by because I was too afraid of trying and failing in the process.My ego has been bruised too many times that I was terrified of failure.Seeking validation from others is lethal as it leaves you numb when they decide to ditch you anyway.

I quote words from Marianne Williamson:

 "  Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our 
   deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond 
   measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most 
   frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be 
   brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, 
   who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your 
   playing small does not serve the world. There is 
   nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other 
   people won't feel insecure around you. We are all 
   meant to shine, as children do. We were born to 
    make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's 
    not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let 
   our own light shine, we unconsciously give other 
  people permission to do the same. As we are 
  liberated from our own fear, our presence 
  automatically liberates other"

I will grieve as much as it takes of the missed opportunities and whatever perceived loss these sad endings has brought me.But I will also have to rememeber that there were valuable lessons that came about with the heartaches.

To insist that life is all a bed of roses is to live in a fantasy world where all is black and white.It is to reject the fact that even a nerve wreaking tsunami or tempest can do a good clean up to a polluted environment and a scorching volcanic eruption creates fertile grounds.